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Soy Cashier Trio
The soy cashier trio are a group of three cashiers working at an unnamed grocery store named Ean, Dick, and Tuco. They are escapee patients of the mental asylum.
Patient File[edit | edit source]
Asylum patients 96647-CC-OR-7, otherwise known as Patient Orderly 7, commitment number 96647, or as Tuco Pacifica Ramirez y Garcia, Ean MacPadraic, and Richard "Dick" Baker respectively, are three non-threatening patients who worked as orderlies at the Mental Asylum. Due to a Soychic Mind Meld, the nature of which has eluded me, they have been classified as one patient rather than three, sometimes individually classified as 96647-CC-OR-7-A, 96647-CC-OR-7-B, and 96647-CC-OR-7-C respectively. They were civilly committed to the Asylum following the group burning down a synagogue and forcibly uncircumcising several Jewish infants before massacring the infants' parents for "apostasy," as they described it. The infants were carted off to an undisclosed Catholic Monastery somewhere in Brittany, France. The dead Jews were beheaded and had their heads placed upon pikes.
They were then arrested and received 5 years in maximum security prison, then being civilly committed to the Asylum after finishing their sentence. They caused little trouble and began working as orderlies. However, after 6 years in the asylum, after my recommendation for parole failed, the trio "moled" their way out of the Asylum. They learned this technique from a book which has since been burned, in which they dug a 2 metre deep hole, had an accomplice fill it, then had the front man dig with his hands, the middle and back push it behind them, and occasionally poke a hole in the earth to have an air hole. After an estimated 36 hours underground, they moled out into a ditch, discarded and burned their clothes, and escaped into the forest. They were spotted working at a grocery store in what was believed to be Mexico, though it is unknown where in Mexico it was or if it was even in Mexico. They should be considered armed and dangerous, and if one should see them, contact asylum staff immediately. They are to be shot upon sight by any staff who may see them.
-Dr. Olaf Sven Soyswedeson, April 6th 2020.
