Christianity

You can also check out Islam_(Parody) for some more gegfuel.

Mazel tov! Christianity is Kosher!This article is related to (((God's chosen people))). Read all revisions to find a solution to your most perplexing quandary.

Mashallah! Christianity is Halal!From the river to the sea, bomb all infidels (You) see! Kneel to your revisions book before reading the following.

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† The Holy Spirit wouldn't approve of Christianity... †Repent for forgiveness, lest you be excluded from God's kingdom.

This article is a hoaxThe subject of this article is about as real as the average splinter is alive.
Take everything below with a grain of soy.

a christian tries to fit his beliefs into the logic machine

Christianity is a religion created by the notorious incel paul of tarsus, he heard of some cool miracle guy being crucified then made up a bunch of bullshit about him or something. Goyim believed him and started leaking at each other for centuries because the shit he and his followers made up about god made no sense. Christians love lying and hate math.

be christian

>be christcuck
>dreaming about the man god spirit begotten son three person essence something and the holy land israel all night
>wake up
>beat wife (she doesnt have to wear hijab doe :))
>go greet 7 year old daughter
>WHAT
>THE
>LE
>FUCK
>7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SAID "o*h m*y g*d" (USING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN)
>Beat up daughter until her nose is shattered
>send her to school
>start thinking about muh black preaching choir. So beautiful
>JEEEZUS CHRAST OUR LAWD LAAAAAAAAAAWD JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEEEEL LAWD KANG
>get dressed
>check son's room
>WHAT
>THE
>FUCK
>HES PUTTING ON A FUCKING TEMPORARY TATTOO?!?!
>cut off son's skin with the tattoo
>Scream "CHRIST IS KING" 10 times
>good deed counter goes up by one (1)
>but accidentally a bit of blood from son's skin goes on my mouth
>good deed counter goes down by one (1)
>fuck
>Damn brat son already ran off to be molested by the gay priest
>oh well, will beat him up later
>go to church
>speak in tongues
>skijdflawejfikdf rgnmbmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkgfjfkllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll fgk2ogf4felgslekslsdlkfaweofapfw3920 oefj23i fdofwej
>get bored
>arrive at the idf military base
>bomb 10 heathens (7 women and 3 children)
>hallelujah
>israel's vinedressers.png
>get paid 10 shekels for my heroic deeds
>not enough money to buy flowers for my graven images- i mean icons
>idea.png
>go preach at speakers corner about how god is his own son
>Mudslim subhuman starts debating me
>heh, I got this.png
>tell him that god killed himsel- his son- actually himself to le SAVE you from.. uhh.. himself
>try to checkmate that muzzie by saying the trinity is a mystery
>mudslime subhuman tells me that the gospels are unverifiable nonsense and no logic-stretching will fix that
>This puzzles me because the gospels are objectively 1:1 accurate eyewitness accounts
>before I panic, I bring up aisha
>mudslime reminds me that i justify murdering infants
>die from heart attack (the fried bacon was worth it geeg too bad for mudsissies)
>Appear before the God of israel (JESUS IS WHITE THOUGH)
>Imagine seeing moses fucking 20 little midianite girls and French-kissing little boys (priestly tradition)
>God I wish this were me
>ask God to enter heaven instantly because of faith alone or whatever paul said
>get dragged to hell to get punished for my sins accordingly
>ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK