Jesus Christ

Why yes, Jesus Christ is the ultimate Gigachad.
How could you tell?

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Oy vey! Jesus Christ is treif! The content of this page has been disapproved by the state of Israel.

This page is not biased This article shows an unbiased view on the topic. It has been reviewed by several editors to reach a consensus.

Jesus Christ is God btw (John 10:30)

This page is a Tanzanite Trvthnvke.

Jesus Christ is (((Jewish))).

Jesus Christ, the man himself. Praise him.

(((Jesus Christ))) (born c. December 25, 6-4 BC) is King of the Jews (ev&oe they hate him and the Church is the real New Israel), the central figure of Christianity, and the most influential half-blood in world history. He loves (You) and died for your sins. Admin Ϫ is a prophet sent by Christ to save the Sharty from all coal, according to recent Soyblical studies.

Early Life

Jesus was born in Bethlehem, Israel/Palestine/Judea Roman Syria to Mary, who conceived her son miraculously. Jesus grew up in Galilee and descended from King David, making him a member of the Tribe of Judah. His birth is celebrated on Christmas. Jesus is Jewish. He began to teach and accumulate a following before eventually being condemned to death as a result of Jewish subversion. He was crucified and rose again three days later, BTFOing Satan, then he talked to his friends. Then, he ascended into Heaven.

His disciples would go on to continue spreading the gospel. This Great Comission is mainly referenced at the end of the gospel according to Matthew, and the result is documented in the book of Acts.

Other Interpretations

There are varying interpretations of the significance of Jesus in other worldviews. Muslims believe Jesus (PBUH) was a Prophet. Atheists do not believe Jesus existed, or if they do, they think he was either a good teacher, or a madman. Within Christianity, Jehovah's Witnesses believe that He is Saint Michael the Archangel and Mormons have some schizo polytheist lore.

There are also many other worldviews on who Jesus was. Some Buddhists consider him an "ascended spiritual master" and Japan has a wild story about how he swapped places with his brother and went to Japan. There was also a dude in China who claimed to be the younger brother of Jesus, then 30 million people died in a brutal conflict. There's even a small Muslim sect who believes he survived crucifixion and traveled to Kashmir.

To Christians, the problem with these interpretations is that they reduce Jesus' divinity from being God, or avoid his work on the cross. There are also several Christian heresies that do the same thing.

Jesus was a pretty cool guy i guess. It is also said xe is coming back after the rapture starts in the year of our lord ϪϪϪϪ.

Jesus vs. (((The Learned Elders of Zion)))

Jesus despised rabbis and on one occasion even kicked them out of the Second Temple because they had turned "the house of prayer <...> [into] a den of thieves" by letting merchants and money changers inside. For this, and for His general idea that the Jews are not God's chosen people, they will not enslave all the goyim when their "God" comes back, and they are not the only ones who are eligible to go to heaven, the Jews wanted him dead and chose a bandit over Him when Pontius Pilate offered to pardon any prisoner they wanted at the Pesach feast. In fact, (((they))) hate Him to this day, and currently all Jewish businessmen, politicians and pedowood producers are actively trying to destroy Christianity or at least subvert it and turn every church they can into a devil-worshipping pseudo-christian sect (which they unfortunately successfuly accomplished with most Protestant churches and got pretty far with the Catholic church which nowadays doesn't consider does still consider gooning a sin and blesses same-sex marriages couples <-- OrthoCHAD disinfo, disregard^{[Take your meds]}).

Recent History

This list is incomplete, you WILL expand it.

Another image of Jesus Christ, this time making Satan have the biggest leakage in soystory so far.

Jesus is known to be behind the following events: kikes being kicked out of 109 countries; Hitler's ACK-icide; the dissolution of the USSR; the creation of the party; (((Henry Kissinger)))'s death; Sini Meskus's dox; Kai Cenat disproving Layla Red Cakes's slander, the success of Operation No Nut November. My salvation.

TRVTHNVKES About Jesus

• He is the embodiment of selflessness.
• He loves you, even when you hate yourself.
• He died for you while you were still a mess.
• He didn’t come for the “good people,” but for sinners.
• He forgave enemies while being tortured to death.
• He chose sacrifice when He could’ve chosen power.
• He touched the untouchable and defended the despised.
• He exposed religious hypocrites harder than anyone else.
• He never promised comfort, He promised truth.
• He conquered death instead of running from it.
• He knows every sin you hide and still calls you by name.
• He didn’t lower the standard, He fulfilled it.
• He offers grace you can’t earn and mercy you don’t deserve.
• He is the one who established the Catholic Church., making it the One True Church.
• He asks for your heart, not your performance.
• He is the truth, not a motivational quote.
• He doesn’t need you, yet He still wants you and always will.

Jesus vs. Poopson

Recent soyentific discoveries suggest that Jesus has successfully BTFO'd Poopson out of existence, saving us all from impending doom and breaking the prophecy. It is theorized that without His divine intervention, the party would've been shut down forever following Doll's, Froot's and Root's suicides via HRT overdose, hanging, and three gunshots to the back of the head respectively.