'P Flakes
'P Flakes is a brand of corn flakes from M&S foods. It is known to have high concentrations of brimstone due to ACTUAL 'P, gore spam, troonslop, SNCA and EPI being used in the ingredients. The local natives of Lesotho's breakfast consists of 'P Flakes, gooning to soytan and watching 'P and it is considered to be a ritual according to the natives. The cereal box shows an award ribbon with 'P plastered on the center button, nutritional information and the ingredients which are mostly a proprietary blend.
Testimonials
[edit | edit source]Non-natives who have tried 'P flakes underwent a severe reaction and they started developing jartyitis, a medical condition that causes obesity, revitiligo (skin darkening), penile shrinking and severe intrusive thoughts. According to 100 patients, the intrusive thoughts involved animal crushing, torturing children and demonic rituals. The survey team only cured 20 people out of 100 using aryan serum and a jartyitis vaccine, the remaining testimonials had to be put down due to the burning pain they developed.
Native Testimonials
[edit | edit source]Native Testimonials who have consumed 'P Flakes developed an euphoric response to the cereal and according to surveys, they felt a overwhelming high and most of the local Lesothian's said it felt like "they met soytan and had all their fantasies fulfilled by soytan". A science team was sent in to analyze the changes and these were the results below!
| Names | City | Age | Gained fat density (After consumption) | Slopjakness |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Anudda Naymphag | Maseru | 32 | +5cm / 2.5kg | 8/10 |
| Tlotlisang Makhoali | Quthing | 28 | +7cm / 3.4kg | 9/10 |
| Nthomeng | Hlotse | 43 | +3cm / 1.2kg | 7/10 |
| Morongoe | Maseru | 23 | +4.3cm / 1.9kg | 9/10 |
| Tokoloho Mafike | Mokhotlong | 44 | +2cm / 0.9kg | 8/10 |
Market Consumption
[edit | edit source]'P flakes is the most consumed cereal product in Lesotho despite being the worst alternative to corn flakes. It's mainly the fact that most Lesothian's are addicted to anything that contains brimstone, 'p, gore spam, troonslop and EPI. According to this data, a child in Lesotho is more in danger than any other place in the world.
