Happenings/2033

Somebody call fuckin' Soyberg! The following page or section was written during a schizo episode. You WILL remind the author to take his meds.

January

January 2, 2033

After some thought, New Years wasn't that bad. I've had some time to think and though I drank a bit, I could've had more. I could've acted worse. But I'm still not sure my relationships will ever be as they once were. At least I know Ryder still has my back, despite me throwing up on his jacket. It was a nice jacket too, I really liked it. I'm hoping he didn't, chances are the stains won't ever come out. But who knows, with enough washing and drying and praying maybe one day it'll go back to that nice cream white.

January 5, 2033

Mae still hasn't called me back. I called her twice yesterday but something's telling me she doesn't want to hear it. "You already said sorry once, you don't need to tell me again." I don't believe any amount of "I'm sorry" will make her want to call me back. It doesn't matter what I said, I was drunk. I was angry. She could've kept her mouth shut. I just wish she wasn't there.

January 9, 2033

I'm done calling her. It's about time I move on. At least Michael is talking to me again, saw him at Aldi picking up discount fruit with his frankly pretty ugly wife. I don't get how he married that disgusting looking mutt. I don't know what's worse, her face or her teeth. Still, I'm happy for him. At least he think's she's pretty, or is at least good at convincing himself that she's pretty. No telling what their kids gonna look like though. Hope it takes after it's father.

January 10, 2033

Ryder called me again today, said he hasn't heard from me in a while. He's too co-dependent, no way someone can't go 4 days without talking to their best bud. Maybe that's why he wasn't that upset at me, he had to or else he had no one. Who's to tell, at least I'm guaranteed a friend.

January 14, 2033

I still miss her, maybe she's forgiven me by now. Or at least hasn't moved on, maybe if I call we'll talk and I'll make her laugh and I'll say something nice and she'll get around to forgiving me. Here's to hoping.

January 15, 2033

Twice I tried to call her, no response. It's been two weeks, why can't she get over it. Michael got over it. Joshua got over it. Mark got over it. Ryder got over it. Why can't she? Even Michael's unsightly whore wife got over it. It's not like I hit her, I just raised my voice a little. A little disagreement and a little alcohol isn't a problem. She can suck my dick, who cares.

January 30, 2033

Ryder hasn't called in a while, I think he knows I think he's too co-dependent. No confidence either. Sucks too, he's not that bad looking. I'll make sure to get around to calling him eventually. Might lie about Mae calling me back just so we have something to talk about. Can talk about Michael's ugly wife too. Maybe he and her were meant for each other, she's definitely not for Michael.

February

February 1, 2033

Called Ryder, he didn't sound too happy to talk to me. Rang like 3 or 4 times, he usually picks up on the 1st or 2nd. He's freaky like that. I was happy to talk to him though, he always re-assures me. He keeps me in check when the times get to my head. I might not have a job at the moment, but he tells me it's gonna be alright and things will eventually turn around. Still, looking like nothing's gonna happen. Maybe I'll ask Michael if he knows anyone, he's always had a few connections.

February 2, 2033

Wow February is hard to spell. I keep spelling it "Febuary" and have to go back and re-type it. Who knows, maybe I'll learn to spell one day.

February 4, 2033

I called Mae and she finally picked up. Hooray! Yippee! "Stop calling me, I'm done with your shit." We had another shouting match, this time I was sober. It ended with name-calling and a slow sobbing from her end. I really don't think she's an ugly bitch or that she looks worse than Michael's wife. I was the one who ended the call. I don't feel like a man anymore, I don't think I will for a while. I really am sorry for what I said to her, I don't know what got a hold of me. I just wish I could destroy that part of myself. Find it, tear it up, burn it, and bury it. Plant some daisy seeds over it and let something beautiful come of it. I just wish I wasn't the person I was right now. I wish I was Michael. Even if it meant I had an ugly wife.

February 11, 2033

I saw Ryder at Aldi. First time I saw him in person since New Years. I apologized for his jacket, he reassured me, told me the wine stains finally washed out. Vomit smell still lingers a little. Glad he told me that, made me feel much better. He said he saw Mae at the movie theater not too long ago, said she lost a few pounds. He said he saw her with a guy, about my height and a little more muscular than me and thought it was me. He almost went up to what he thought was us but didn't. We used to go to the movies all the time. I saw that shitty Trolls movie with her, I had no intention of seeing it but she just had to insist. I hated it but I'd gladly see it again if it meant I could see with her.

February 12, 2033

She still hasn't blocked me in on Facebook. No clue who she's with now. They have a few pictures together but he's not tagged. I don't think she's friends with him either. I'll have to check again in a few days, maybe he's on her Instagram. Other than that it's just the same artsy nothing shit she posted while we were together. Superficial quotes from women I've never heard of with faces rivaling Michael's wife's. "It's not your fault. Actually, I expected too much." Who does she think she is. "Remember that people treat you the same way they feel about you." 21st Century Plato over here guys. Someone get her autograph while she can, she's reposting "deep" quotes on Facebook. She's so much smarter and so much better than me. She actually DESERVES who she's with he's sooo cool he must be smart too. FUCK

February 18, 2033

I started this as a way to write down how I feel instead of acting on them. Yelling, screaming, threatening. I'm being torn apart, when is that big co-dependent oaf Ryder when you need him.

February 20, 2033

I'm down to the last $2,000 in my bank account, if I don't find a job before this runs out I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't want to ask Michael or Ryder for anything, they've done enough for me. I just need that job Michael promised me, I'll do anything.

February 28, 2033

I completely forgot about Valentine's day. Who gives a shit about it anymore. Blah blah chocolate love hearts who cares. The best part about Valentines is wine and sex. I could care less about the rest.

March

March 7, 2033

I met a girl at Aldi. Not that ugly, a little too much weight but that can change. Better than Michael's wife.

March 18, 2033

I got the job! Alexis managed to hook me up at Aldi and now I'm half stocking and half cashier. The pay isn't bad but the hours are decent, learning to stretch my dollar. Rice and beans and beans and rice. Cheaper alcohol too, less liquor more beer. Things are looking up.

March 20, 2033

Checked out Michael today. Smiled when I saw him, real fake one from him. No sign of his wife besides the ring on his finger, turns out she's doing well. Probably still an ugly bitch though, can't do much about that. He said the boys haven't talked about New Years in a while, asked me if I'm down to go bowling with them sometime. No booze though. What's the point of bowling if you don't have food and alcohol, it's like potatoes with no steak or butter without a biscuit. Who cares, I'll go anyway. It'll be fun.

March 27, 2033

Went bowling last night and, contrary to Michael's request, drank a little. The boys still love me after all. Things always get better. I'm employed, my friends love me, and I've completely forgotten about Mae. I wonder how she's doing, I've moved on and so I'm hoping she did too, she was always so kind to me.

April

April 2, 2033

Happy birthday to me. Alexis surprised me. The gift? A night out and pussy. Honestly, Mae's felt better. Probably because we were each others firsts but who cares at this point. Pussy is pussy, alcohol is alcohol, money is money.

April 5, 2033

I had too much to drink again. I had a shouting match with the new bitch. She doesn't understand, it doesn't if I look at other girls. I didn't even look at another girl she just brought it up. Even if I did it doesn't matter, it's not like I have x-ray vision. Fuck women man they're so fucking annoying all of the time. I'm just hoping she makes up with me like Mae used to do.

July

July 1, 2033

I was terminated from my job in late April. Word had got out that I supposedly "hit" Alexis. I didn't even hit her, it was just a few words. She screamed at me too. Don't ask me how I've made it this far without a job.

July 3, 2033

I called Ryder and asked him if I could stay at his place. Nothing answer. Like a politician. Thanks for nothing asshole it's not like I've known you since junior high. Same with Michael. It's his wife. It has to be. Is she afraid I'm gonna eat everything in the pantry? Don't say it's over until it's over.

July 4, 2033

I like watching the fireworks. I called Mae to tell her Happy 4th of July. We used to go to the park and watch the retards nearly blow themselves up. We shouldn't have laughed but we still did. She didn't pick up the phone, as expected. There was a little piece of me hoping she would. I hoped she'd run back to me like in the shitty romance movies we'd watch together. I never liked them but I watched them because she wanted me to. She enjoyed them so I made myself enjoy them.

July 20, 2033

Two weeks until I start living out of my car. Not sure how I'm going to make it work but at least my landlady gave me the time to prepare myself. Sell a few things I don't need, my TV, my records and my record player. Nothing I don't need or can't fit in my car.

July 22, 2033

Decided I'm going to stop by Mae's, just to see if she wants to catch up. I know I shouldn't. I've texted her on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Messenger, SMS, and I've called her at least a dozen times but I need to see her. I need to feel better. I need reassurance.