Noahmusic2009
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THIS PERSON IS AS LIVELY AS A DOORKNOB OR THE SHOALLY
They have been milked dry and are no longer funny or interesting or are no longer a gegbull. |
| > | “You wanna know who Noahmusic2009 is? He eats enough White Castle beef on a daily basis to clog the arteries of twelve horses, he’s autistic enough to permanently traumatize any psychiatrist who tries to properly diagnose him, weighs enough to rival the mass of a blue whale, and has a dick small enough to reset his TI-84 with. Doctors don’t know what makes him tick. They don’t know how he’s still ticking. At his rate, any mortal man should’ve been buried. But Noahmusic2009 is no mortal man. For in the heavenly reaches of Olympus, atop a peak above the domain of man lay a godly White Castle, and what is a castle without its king?
Now, any questions, or are you gonna get to fetching him that slider?” |
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This page is a gem.
>Fetch me a slider nigger
Noahmusic2009@gmail.com, real name: Noah Martin, also known as Noah "fetch me a slider" Martin, is a fat, autistic mutt who eats nothing but White Castle sliders. He has been eating 10 White Castle sliders a day since 2006[1], and as such is a disgusting blob of a human.
Biography[edit | edit source]
When he's not actively shitposting on the sharty, Noah likes to go on walks, feed the ducks at his local pond, and of course, stuff his dumb piehole with White Castle Sliders. Noah constantly listens to music through his military-grade noise cancelling headphones (hence his email address). Attempting to remove them may or may not remove the entirety of his skin off his face.
Aside from being impressively stuffed with lard and grease, Noah’s only real impact on the world (that is, disregarding any shortages of beef caused by him) was managing to single-handedly get the email field removed from /soy/.
Noah was inducted into White Castle's 'Cravers Hall of Fame®' in 2018 for being such a fat fuck.[1]
Non-comprehensive list of actions committed by Noahmusic2009@gmail.com[edit | edit source]
- Caused 9/11
- Caused the Armenian Genocide
- Spammed BBC
- Spammed BWC
- Spammed 'zellig
- Spammed 'cado
- Is the Flart spammer
- Is the son of u/Eldergod74
- Posts 'p on threads he dislikes
- Caused /qa/ to get banned by 4chan mods
- Took down Kiwifarms singlehandedly
- Ruined every failGET
- Created crystal.cafe
- Reports all raids to the target site's owners
- Rehomes pitbulls and gives them tender loving care
- Adopts black children
- Is Drawkleki
- Created the /qa/fe
- Caused Philips Disaster
- Is Captain Coal in disguise
- Did an AMA on /qa/ during 2019
- Is trans and has had numerous surgeries in his . at removing every organ to replace them all with a brand new neovagina
- Killed 6 million jews
- Eats homeless people alive
- Raped my pet hamster
The User CSS[edit | edit source]
Soyteens don’t take well to namefags, so they took it upon themselves to write some CSS for Noahmusic2009 specifically. He began altering his name as a result (ie added dots to the beginning) but the updated CSS always catches up with him.
Timeless Edition[edit | edit source]
This script checks if the email field contains “Noahmusic2009@gmail.com” (as opposed checking if the field is equal to Noahmusic’s email with nothing else included) This works regardless of what else is in the email field. As you can observe, it warns the reader that Noahmusic is a GAYNIGGER and he WILL give you coronaids if you do not heed the warning.
a[href$='Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']:before { content: '!!!WARNING!!! GAY NIGGER DETECTED -> '; }
a[href$='Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']::after { content: ' <- WILL GIVE YOU CORONAIDS!!!'; }
Upgrade Edition[edit | edit source]
These instructions follow a different approach. If Noah hasn’t tried to evade, he is simply a gay nigger who gives coronaids. However, if he adds 2 or 3 dots, he becomes a SUPER NIGGERAIDS SPREADER WHO WILL GIVE YOU INCURABLE TESTICULAR CANCER POZZED MEGADEATHAIDS AND IS ALSO A SLUT 4BBC.
This script is less versatile than the previous one, since the strings must match precisely. However, regardless of what other attempts are made to evade, you can simply change it to whatever the new mail is.
a[href^='mailto:Noahmusic2009']:before { content: '!!!WARNING!!! GAY NIGGER DETECTED -> '; }
a[href^='mailto:Noahmusic2009']::after { content: ' <- WILL GIVE YOU CORONAIDS!!!'; }
a[href^='mailto:..Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']:before { content: '!!!WARNING!!! SUPER NIGGERAIDS SPREADER DETECTED -> '; }
a[href^='mailto:..Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']::after { content: ' <- WILL GIVE YOU INCURABLE TESTICULAR CANCER POZZED MEGADEATHAIDS AND IS ALSO A SLUT 4BBC!!!'; }
a[href^='mailto:...Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']:before { content: '!!!WARNING!!! SUPER NIGGERAIDS SPREADER DETECTED -> '; }
a[href^='mailto:...Noahmusic2009@gmail.com']::after { content: ' <- WILL GIVE YOU INCURABLE TESTICULAR CANCER POZZED MEGADEATHAIDS AND IS ALSO A SLUT 4BBC!!!'; }
