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Autism (detractor perspective)
WARNING: WORDSWORDSWORDS This page is a wall of text!(You) VVILL add images and make the text less dense.
mama says im speshal!
Ass Burgers Syndrome is a disorder that is made up by the jews. A certain kike named Dr. Hans Asperger✡[ev&oe he was actually a Nazi], due to his Jew instinct to make up nonexistent diseases to scam otherwise normal people out of their money (which would later cover their later jew plot for global vaccines), had the brilliant idea of putting all the psychopaths with little or no social skills and completely unrelated others in one conjoined group and diagnosed them with a new mental illness: AUTISM.
Working in tandem with early pioneers of Soythropology like the infamous Dr. Soyberg, Asperger realized that if you took every kid who liked to eat dirt, stare at the sun, and meticulously line up his wooden toy trains instead of talking to human beings, you could label them as "special" and charge their gullible parents thousands of dollars for experimental therapy that consisted entirely of forcing the child to listen to low-bitrate recordings of Austrian folk music. This sinister plot laid the groundwork for the modern medical-industrial complex that we see today, where every minor personality flaw is diagnosed as a lifelong, incurable condition that requires copious amounts of SSRIs and amphetamines.
Like all mental illness there is absolutely no physical evidence that it actually exists, but for expecting parents it replaces Down's Syndrome as the number one disorder they fear their child will develop. It differs from High Functioning Autism in that it was considered utter bullshit before it was popular to invent psychiatric disorders. Before the 1990s, these people were just called "weirdos", "spazzes", or "that one kid who eats paste and knows too much about the Battle of Gettysburg." But with the advent of the internet and the DSM-IV, suddenly being a massive, insufferable loser was a protected medical class.
Asperger-monsters are the most self-centered, emotionless selfish pieces of shit on the planet. Devoid of empathy, social reasoning, social context, or self-awareness, they are sociopaths with another definition, who live to collect and catalog meaningless items like barcodes, bottletops, and plastic crap by any means possible including murder. They will violently hyperventilate if you move their meticulously arranged collection of Nintendo Amiibos exactly one millimeter to the left, but will feel absolutely nothing if their own grandmother falls down a flight of stairs in front of them.
Common symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome include failing at social interaction and empathy, failing at communication, failing at getting a job, failing at life, failing at hygiene, becoming obsessed with animu or video games, and breaking out into fits of Stress™ when their strict routines are broken or when they're asked to stop being lazy, self-serving leeches living off the government and their parents. Their entire existence revolves around avoiding the crushing reality of their own mediocrity by retreating into fantasy worlds where they can control every variable.
Facts[edit | edit source]
- Autism isnt a superpower, its a mental disorder. You are not a misunderstood genius; you are just annoying.
- Nobody's life has ever been improved by being autistic: it has only been made worse. The cope that it gives you "enhanced focus" is entirely negated by the fact that your focus is directed toward categorizing the background characters in a 2004 cartoon.
- Autistic "people" are significantly more likely to have an IQ that places them in the mentally retarded range than the general population.
- Autistic people have never contributed anything worthwhile to soyjak.party or /qa/ ever since the day it was born. all they are capable of doing is forcing their autistic special interest, usually a show made for young, equally retarded children and making the worst nuvariants known to man and spamming them until they get 'nished by jannies for their retardation. They are the sole reason why we have 500 different badly-drawn MS Paint variants of a soyjak wearing a My Little Pony shirt.
- Autistic people are statistically more likely to be transgender than neurotypicalARYANS.
- Autistic people are statistically more likely to be pedophiles than neurotypicalARYANS. They lack the social boundaries and moral framework necessary to understand why obsessing over fictional children is degenerate, which eventually bleeds into reality.
- Autistic males are incapable of ever finding love unless they are in the top 5% of attractiveness. Even then, it will be a relationship based purely on physicality and not true care for one another, because it is impossible to have an emotional connection with someone who responds to an "I love you" by infodumping about the history of the Sega Dreamcast's blast processing.
- Autistic people are, statistically speaking, far more physically, socially and mentally inept than neurotypicalARYANS. their only refuge is dead forums and imageboards like 4cuck where they can post loli pornography and bitch about getting bullied in highschool for wearing the same legend of zelda tshirt every day without getting judged by normal people who are busy being productive.
- The idea that any great men of history were "actually autistic" is historical revisionism to make speddies feel special and inspired, that their life has any value. it does not. Albert Einstein was not an Ass Burger; he was just a guy who liked math and hated combing his hair. Stop retroactively diagnosing historical figures just because they didn't act like a hyper-social frat boy 24/7.
- All the foids who say that they "want an autistic bf" are being facetious virtue signallers because their interpretation of autism is just a chadlite who wears glasses and sometimes stutters. if she saw your soyjak folder or shelf full of super mario collectibles, she would run away and probably call the police on you for sexual harassment.
- They possess a bizarre, almost supernatural aversion to water, specifically when it is combined with soap. The "con convention smell" is biologically hardwired into their DNA.
- Their diet consists almost entirely of beige, highly-processed Goyslop. If presented with a green vegetable or anything with a texture more complex than a McDonald's chicken nugget, their throat will physically close up in a hysterical psychosomatic response.
- They are much more likely to be stigmatized; even autistics can't get along with each other, because they have different opinions (this is also observed in chuddies, but they have clear fractions, while autistics do not even have this). They can also be so annoying that even Aryans and Niggers are ready to band together and beat them to death - https://youtu.be/8vrqy7dBhXE?si=zJW87RFDzxCgD3l9
The "Special Interest" Delusion[edit | edit source]
One of the most heavily pushed myths by the pro-Asperger lobby is the concept of the "Special Interest." Neurotypicals are told to respect and nurture these obsessions, treating them as signs of budding genius. In reality, a "Special Interest" is just a socially acceptable term for being a colossal manchild who refuses to engage with reality.
Instead of learning how to change a tire, do taxes, or speak to a woman without sweating profusely, the Ass Burger will dedicate 10,000 hours of his life to mastering the lore of a defunct MMORPG from 2006. They will memorize the exact spawn rates of low-level goblins in a game whose servers were shut down a decade ago, but will legitimately forget to drink water for two days straight and end up in the emergency room.
Common (and completely useless) Special Interests include:
- Children's Media: Specifically shows meant for little girls. They will write 40-page Google Docs dissecting the "socio-political undertones" of a cartoon where brightly colored horses learn about sharing.
- Public Infrastructure: Staring at trains, memorizing bus routes, and obsessing over the mechanics of elevators.
- Operating Systems: Installing Arch Linux just to spend 45 hours configuring the desktop environment, only to realize they still have no friends to text on their perfectly customized interface.
- Hoarding Digital Garbage: Saving thousands of gigabytes of memes, Soyjaks, and reaction images, categorizing them by the exact date they were posted and the specific pixel-art style used.
- Asociality They are more antisocial than typical Britmutt punks or illegal immigrants, Because if you put them in their place once, they won't be redicivists anymore, but autists will continue to commit illegal acts, from something related to vandalism or trespassing on private property to something disgusting like murder and subsequent rape of a corpse, because their worldview is that in some brimmielolicon tranime, the rape of a minor or the murder of Robert De Niro in the Joker movie because he's a bourgeois or something like that is the norm for them. Also, if they don't do something illegal, they will whine and literally be obsessed with murder or suicide.
Ass Burgers on the Internet[edit | edit source]
The internet is the natural habitat of the Ass Burger. Because they are incapable of reading facial expressions, body language, or vocal tone the very pillars of human communication they thrive in text-based environments where they can carefully curate their responses and hide their physical ineptitude.
However, even online, their presence is a blight. They are responsible for the most pedantic, insufferable behavior on any given forum or imageboard. They are the ones who will respond to an obvious joke with a multi-paragraph technical breakdown explaining why the joke is scientifically inaccurate. They are the Wikipedia editors who will start a 3-year edit war over the exact spelling of a minor character's name in a Lithuanian dub of a Polish video game.
They are also incredibly susceptible to being trolled, manipulated, and gaslit by normal people. Because their brains operate entirely on rigid, literal rules, if you tell an Ass Burger a sarcastic lie with enough conviction, they will internalize it as absolute fact and parrot it back to others for years. This is why the CIA loves them; they are the ultimate gullible patsies for any glow-in-the-dark operation.
>forkfoundinkitchen
>be me, 24
>mom tells me I need to get a job or I'm getting kicked out
>start screeching, flapping my hands, and quoting the Heavy from Team Fortress 2
>throw my bowl of Dino Nuggies at the wall
>lock myself in my room and post on the sharty about how neurotypicals are oppressing my genius
>tfw superior autistic logic wins again
Diagnostic Criteria (How to spot a fake condition)[edit | edit source]
According to the quack doctors who peddle this nonsense, you can be diagnosed with Ass Burgers if you exhibit the following "symptoms" (which are actually just character flaws):
- "Stimming": Also known as "fidgeting because you have the attention span of a goldfish on adderall." They will flap their hands, rock back and forth, or chew on their own clothing like a rabid dog, and expect you to pretend this is normal behavior.
- "Executive Dysfunction": The medical term for "being incredibly lazy." They will claim their brain literally will not allow them to wash the dishes, but somehow their brain perfectly allows them to play Hearts of Iron IV for 18 hours uninterrupted.
- "Masking": The hilarious concept that autists are secretly acting normal around you to blend in. In reality, their "masking" looks like an alien wearing a poorly fitting human skin suit trying to remember how blinking works. Everyone can tell they are weird; the mask is only fooling themselves.
- "Sensory Overload": Throwing a massive temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store because the fluorescent lights are humming at a frequency that offends their highly evolved, superior ears.
See Also[edit | edit source]
- ADHD (Another fake disease to sell meth to children)
- Profound mental retardation
- Retard
- Epilepsy
- Schizophrenia
- Goyslop
- SNCA
- NeurotypicalARYANS
- Forced memes
