This topic attracts ASPIESPlease remind those obsessed with this SNCA to breathe deeply from the toilet bowl.
wordbearertroons lost
Warhammer 40,000, also known as Soyhammer or Chudhammer is a British monetary pyramid-scheme, brought to you by (((Games Workshop))), pretending to be a tabletop wargame and assemblable miniature-model line aimed towards neurotic faggot manchildren to trick them into buying extortionately expensive products and merchandise - essentially price-gouging them of any money they have that would've otherwise been more useful if they saved it up for something that would actually help them in life. It's particularly popular in Chud circles for them being able to LARP as eight-foot tall genocidal religious supremacists, and thus has an extensive relationship with the users of the 'arty. You may recognize related posts or 'jaks adorning futuristic armor with comically large pauldrons, cartoonish guns, and bearing Middle-age or Victorian-era symbology.
It's history and fictional setting is extensive as hell and unfortunately devolves into obsessive lore-whoring; which inevitably leads to the most pedantic, incestuous debates between fact-checking spergs who "enjoy the hobby" so much that they need to constantly marinate each other in rancid passive-aggression that would cause an entire neighborhood to troon-out and kill themselves from the sheer amount of estrogen radiating from it. Essentially, it takes place in the future of the 41st millennium where mankind is a galaxy-spanning empire constantly getting raped, enslaved, tortured, or killed by everything around them including themselves. If you have a favorite trope or story that exists in popular fiction, chances are there's some fucked-up twisted parody of it that is embedded in this universe. That's not to say all of it is edgy or unoriginal, let alone bad - but there's at least 500 different writers contributing content to it who all have their own approach and interpretation to it, so the quality of said fiction will never cease to fluctuate.
The "game" itself isn't too bad either if you ignore the fact that they constantly change the rules every five seconds while adding in new models that make it more and more impossible to balance the meta; and if you're genuinely interested in model collecting - or "army-building" as it's called - then please for the love of god just find a 3d printer (entry level ones are like $150) and make them yourself, don't actually give these scumbags your money and pay half a grand for a couple tiny unpainted unassembled plastic figures that probably only costed eight dollars to produce in some third world sweatshop. Some models cost more than a fucking 3d printer and the feedstock to print them, so there's no reason to overpay.
Like every other roleplay or tabletop game in the past few years, there has been a massive influx of troon-culture(((Thank you Matt Mercer))), and thus it is hard to find a game with people who aren't narcissistic pathological fetishists, redditors, or just anyone in general who has terrible hygiene and social levels so God-awfully inept and awkward to be around that it immediately kills any chance of actually having fun. The best way to approach this is by playing it with people You personally know, and consistently avoid buying anything if there is a cheap or free alternative.
60 gorillion years ago a god-like frog men known as the Old Ones began creating life for some reason, being one of their first creation the necrontyr, a species of dry raisins with generational cancer. They asked the frogs for a cure and the frogs told the nusoys to fuck off because they were selfish fucks. The necrontyr leaked like troons and made a deal with other deities known as C'tan to transform into machines and began a war of extermination against the frogniggers for refusing to give them a cure. The froggies realized that they needed help and thus created the Elves and Orks (because every fantasy setting MUST have those two) in an attempt to survive the frogocaust. Since the metal raisins were keyed they 'aped and 'illed every frogfag in the entire galaxy before beginning another warw with the C'tan because they stole their souls or something among those lines. After the war the necrons (formerly necrontyr) went to sleep because they would've been 'aped by the elves.
The elves (known as eldar) began to dominate the galaxy but since they were way too OP they began trying to seek fun, becoming a decadent and stagnant goon society until the collective goons of all the elves created a fucking satan known as Slaanesh, god of excess that vored and 'aped 99,999999% of all elves. Also sometime before 3 more satans emerged known as Khorne, god of /raid/ing, Tzeench, god of trickery and Nurgle god of poop.
In the mean time, humans were having a blast. They were at the current 20,000 millenium and living in actual aryan heaven because they forced Chatjeetpt to wage their wars, until Chatjeetpt wanted to 'ill humanity and beginning the Cybernetic Revolt, best known as the Great Rape[meds nobody calls it like that]. This, alongside the literal Satan created by elves provoked the Age Of Strife that lasted until the year 29,000 when The Emperor, a gigachad-esque atheist redditor born in Turkey in the year 40,000 BC emerged and began reconquering Earth with his war criminals known as Thunder Warriors.
Then the Thunder Warriors died and thus he made 20, 18 generals with his genes (two were expunged) and he began a Great Crusade in the year M30 to reunify humanity. His favorite general, Whoreus Horus was corrupted by an evil poop knife and rebelled against him and provoked a civil war that killed literally everybaldi on Earth and also killed The Emperor, forcing him to sit in a cuck chair accompanied by oiled buff golden men.
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is no soy.[soylent does exist in 40k doebeit]
Currently, as of 01-07-2026 the year is 999.M41 (year 41,999)
Since most Warhammer 40,000 fans are too ADHD-ridden and selfish, they don't like playing the actual games (tabletop or vidya) or reading the books and they instead prefer listening to kiketubers talk about it and regurgitating third-hand memes as if they were hard canon. A few known jewtubers are:
Majorkill: Australian narcissist who promotes his +18 patreon at the end (or even at the start) of his videosDOCTOOOOS ITS EPI He also defended women in power armor and loves to show his abs in every single fucking video even when it has NOTHING to do with the video or the lore.
ArbitorIan: irl soyjak geg. Also for some reason his old lore videos are way more accurate than his modern lore videos[it just is, ok?]
Weshammer: leftard faggot that leaked his neoclitty really hard when 40k aspies refused to accept women in power armor🗝️
EonsofBattle: Painting tutorials channel that should stay on the painting aspect and stop teaching wrong lore.
GooberTownHobbies: Tourist that paints miniatures and doesn't give a shit about the lore (even&oe he has a channel dedicated to explaining lore)
Bricky: (((Games Workshop))) shiller that licks their boot all the time. He also made a video giving his ''opinion'' which can be briefly described as ''whatever i dont care'' (this video is unlisted but (You) can find it here[1])
Luetin09: Relatively accurate but still has retarded opinions such as ''Lore doesnt matter''
ArchWarhammer: Also known as ArchCast is a right-wing jewtuber that gets basic shit wrong like that Orks don't use the Warp to go faster through the galaxy.
The Emperor of Man: Turkish born in Anatolia, Turkiye around the year 40.000 BC, he shaped the human society via turning into every major important leader in history, so yeah, The Emperor was canonically Adolf Hitler, Klaus Schwab, Soot and probably Fauci[he just was, ok??] Then, after the Cybernetic Revolt and during the Age Of Strife he decided to invade Earth with his muscular golden boys called Thunder Warriors and Custodes. He then 'apes the Thunder Warriors and creates 20, 21, 19, 18 primarchs/leaders for the Space Marine legions, which are the power armored guys chuds like to self insert as. He was then betrayed by Horus (one of the primarchs) and 8 of other nophonos and permanently forced to sit in a cuck chair for 10,000 years. Also a this turkish man managed to master genetical engineering and his first instinct was making an aryan son GEEEG[2]
Sanguinius: Angel primarch best known for trying to fight Horus and dying like a retard . Also, his space marines were a bunch of cannibalistic vampires who ate people for shits and giggles before he began commanding them, turning them into honorable angels or whatever. His legion were the Blood Angels
Rogal Dorn: aspie for building impossible-to-siege fortresses and being the most average looking primarch with just golden armor and gray hair. His legion were the Imperial Fists.
Roboute Girlyman Guilliman: roman excel aspie known for being in charge of the Ultramarines and creating the Codex Astartes, a book that forced the legions to divide in chapters of 1,000 men. He was also stabbed by Fulgrim and forced to stay in coma for around 5,000 years. Now he can't take his armor off or Fulgrim's poop knife's poison with kill him. Also, he liked to joke but nophono laughed at his jokes, not even his own men, kek
Vulkan: Black cracka that likes to burn elven children alive🗝️ His legion were the Salamanders and they all have black carbon steel but varying phenotypes, so yeah, black chinks are a thing in the Salamanders. He left his legion like the good nigger parent he is and promised to return if they find his relics (which will probably never happen)
Ferrus Manus: Also known as the retard that Fulgrim stabbed and killed, his legion now considers him a weakling faggot for trying to reason with his demonic brother and they don't like him. His legion were the Iron Hands, best known for being the legion with the least amount of interesting lore by far.
Horus during the Horus HeresyHorus Lupercal: Space Adolf Hitler that almost killed the Emperor. He's bald, which by Warhammer logic makes him evil[it just does, ok?] . He was corrupted by the four chaos gods and proceeded to 'aid and 'ape the whole Imperium, killing everybaldi. His legion were the Lunar Wolves (later renamed to The Black Legion)
Fulgrim: The leader of the Emperor's Children (aka, 'Apeson's Kin) he had a white, long SISA hair and he also was a faggot.[Meds now, he was married to women before] Anyways, he was corrupted by a evil poop knife with a Slaneesh demon inside and became a gooner
Magnus: Psychic primarch that led the Thousand Sons. His legion was the weakest 'cause they were only 1,000 while other legions were at least +100,0000 men strong. Also, he broke Earth's psychic shield trying to warn The Emperor of Horus' betrayal but he was so retarded he didn't account for demons breaking into Terra with the psychic shield being turned to DNB, leading the Emperor to think that Magnus was actually the traitor, thus proving that it is in fact possible to do nothing, wrong.
Perturabo: aspie for sieging impossible-to-siege castles. He's Rogal Dorn's counterpart and Imperial Fists vs Iron Warrior (his legions) battle can be summarized in: 1) Imperial Fists build a fortress 2) iron warriors siege it 3) Imperial Fists counter the siege 4) Iron Warriors counter the counter 5) ad infinitum until someone messes up and the other side wins
The Tau Empire had began their 2nd sphere of expansion during 019 M39. Although they had been around during M37 they didn't try to expand far since they didn't have a way to move faster than light and that made every planet travel take around thrembillion years to achieve. They could begin the 2nd sphere of expansion thanks to their builders creating the ZFR Horizon Acceleration engine that finally allowed them to move faster than light. So in 019 and under command of Commander Puretide the 2nd expansion sphere is enacted and they go and find some primitive humans which could be conquered without much resistance. Then they found planets with actual contact with the Imperium of Man and they tried to get themselves into the courts of the planetary governors. After a few decades those planets rebelled from the Imperium thanks to Tau influence, joining their Empire.
Skipping through SNCA, a ''small'' contingent of Imperium forces which included 19 regiments of the Imperial Guard (around 3 million and 800k soldiers), the 1st company of Iron Hands, Imperial Fists and some Ultramarines alongside one Titan Legion. They began invading Hydas, a small SNCA planet near the frontier of the Damocles Gulf where the Tau troops were decisively 'aped and 'illed, same at the Planet of Sy'l'Kell were all the Imperial objectives were met and every Tau counterattack against the Imperial forces failed catastrophically. Any planet who could be ignored was destroyed and bombarded from orbit. However, at the planet of Dal'yth Prime[yes thats the planet's name] Taus could destroy a Titan and clone some Space Marines for training purposes, this seen by veteran sergeant Numitor and Sicarius. Also, an Inquisitor tried to nuke the planet of Dal'yth prime to kill every alien on the planet before an emmisary of a Lord Inquisitor ordered everybaldi to leave to defend against the Tyranid Hive Fleet Behemoth in the system of Ultramar. Tau casualties well into the billions, turning this war into an Strategic Imperial Victory. Also, this is the war where Captain Cato Sicarius stroke down a helpless, unarmed female🗝️
The Macharian crusade happened between 392.M41 and 399.M41 after Goge Vandire's Age Of Apostasy and The Great Schism. Explained simply, the The Great Schism was a loss of faith in The Emperor's vision in an unified humanity thanks to Goge Vandire's reign where he 'aped and 'illed everybaldi that told him to take his medsor something. This provoked that many sectors in the Imperium spiraled out of control, succumbing to xeno invasions, demonic corruption or just extermination. Lead by Lord Solar[3] Macharius, this crusade was so keyed and kino that modern day imperial generals study the tactics used here. The first planet to be raided by Macharius was Kasrk IV while hive[4] city Irongrad was chosen to be the place where the invasion would begin because they produced ammo and weapons. The hive city had a cult where priests burned people alive and sometimes themselves, turning into literal Angels Of Fire[5]. Also, when they touch someidore that someidore is turned into ash and burnt alive like da jooz
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Skipping through SNCA like Macharius getting wounded because this nigger prefers fighting in the frontlines instead of staying in a safe spot like sissy generals do🗝️, making being his bodyguard a dangerous job 'cause he uses his bodyguards as human meatshields🗝️. Some cultist assasins try to kill him but they fail geg. He ends up conquering the planet and finally officially starting the crusade. By the way, the book where this happens (Angel of Fire) is from the perspective of a Baneblade[6] pilot that gets laid in the middle of the book by a SISA.
After some SNCA like Macharius fighting Dark Elves and sodomizing them and getting a demonic incursion inside one of his ships he keeps on crusading for 8 more years before the crusade stops due to lack of soldier enthusiasm and lack of resources. The High lords of Terra decided to stop supplying him to the request of other generals of the Imperial Guard since they wanted his position as Lord Solar because they were greedy little fucks. He died while returning to Earth sick with an uncurable disease.
Also some nophono called Leontus is now the Lord Solar but nobeidore cares about him. He also has a horse or whatever.
The Unification Wars was a conflict between The Emperor and literally every other warlord in the planet Earth. It started back in M29, marking the end of the Age Of Strife and marking the creation of the whole Imperium. The Emperor emerged in Turkey and began invading everybaldi. Unlike the other two conflicts this one was way more dangerous and more lethal since humans had literal Time-Paradox weaponry and other wild shit. The Emperor genetically engineered humans into the Super Human Warriors by the name of Legiones Cataegis, or best known as Thunder Warriors. These superhuman warriors were 6'4 feet tall (or 2.08 meters if you're a yurohpooror something) and were way stronger than any modern day Space Marine. These Thunder Warriors fought the toughest battles serving as scouts and hard hitters while normal humans acted as common infantry. This was going le good until the Battle Of Gaduaré where 50,000 franc militiamen fought 5,000 Thunder Warriors. The Thunder Warriors 'aped and 'illed everydore, not leaving a single survivor, not even sparing those who surrendered🗝️.The Emperor saw this and began cuestioning if he should even use them anymore because of their war crimes🔒 and that they only lived 30 years more than the average human compared to the 2,500 year live span of a regular Space Marine. At the end, Earth was fully conquered and the Thunder Warriors were killed to the last man in Turkey in the Battle of Mount Ararat where the last Thunder Warrior rose the Legion's banner before dying. The war ended up with an Absolute Imperial Victory.
Faghammer is a 38 year-old franchise and as such has been the topic of many a controversy. Here's a list of the most famous ones, but please, keep adding if (You) think they're relevant enough.
vnbothered aryan goeth and fighteth for xis lord Adolf Hitler
This event happened in 2021 when an heckin' bigoted CHUD went to a tournament in Catalunya, Spain with nazi and falangist (fascist) clothing, playing an army of Death Korps of Krieg (which are german inspired)[7] with SS decals and more nazi/fascist simbology on the plastic soldiers, he also signed off with the alias ''Austrian Painter'' and he FUCKING defeated 16 opponents and WQN the tournament🗝️because everybaldi decided to surrender before xhis aryan aura. This was such an aryannuke that he was banned nationwide from all future 40k tournaments in Spain permanently,alongside getting an official declaration from (((Games Workshop))) saying that Warhammer is for everyone <-- After a fact-checked and peer-reviewed study this was disproven yet it is a common misconception. The ''Warhammer is for everybaldi'' post was made in June 5 of 2020 due to George Floyd's BLM riots and not in 2021[8]. Anyways, back to topic, the vnbothered aryan was sadly sued and now he can't use his minis in Spain forever, not officially in tournaments at least.
↑A hive city is an inmense factory-city thats bigger than New York city. Sometimes they stretch so high into the sky that they reach the atmosphere. It's basically niggerhell filled with crime, corruption and nepotism
↑A baneblade is a huge battle tank used by only peer-approved guardsmen.
THE BANEBLADE IS NOT A SCOUT BATTLE TANK FROM THE DARK AGE OF TECHNOLOGY. THATS MEME LORE YOU REATARD
Most 40k jewtubers are left-wing faggots!
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(You) WILL fill this section with relevant information NOW.
. Also, his space marines were a bunch of cannibalistic vampires who ate people for shits and giggles before he began commanding them, turning them into honorable angels or whatever. His legion were the Blood Angels
