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SNCA:Warhammer 40k
Warhammer 40,000, also known as Soyhammer or Chudhammer is a British monetary pyramid-scheme, brought to you by (((Games Workshop))), pretending to be a tabletop wargame and assemblable miniature-model line aimed towards neurotic faggot manchildren to trick them into buying extortionately expensive products and merchandise - essentially price-gouging them of any money they have that would've otherwise been more useful if they saved it up for something that would actually help them in life. It's particularly popular in Chud circles for them being able to LARP as eight-foot tall genocidal religious supremacists, and thus has an extensive relationship with the users of the 'arty. You may recognize related posts or 'jaks adorning futuristic armor with comically large pauldrons, cartoonish guns, and bearing Middle-age or Victorian-era symbology.
It's history and fictional setting is extensive as hell and unfortunately devolves into obsessive lore-whoring; which inevitably leads to the most pedantic, incestuous debates between fact-checking spergs who "enjoy the hobby" so much that they need to constantly marinate each other in rancid passive-aggression that would cause an entire neighborhood to troon-out and kill themselves from the sheer amount of estrogen radiating from it. Essentially, it takes place in the future of the 41st millennium where mankind is a galaxy-spanning empire constantly getting raped, enslaved, tortured, or killed by everything around them including themselves. If you have a favorite trope or story that exists in popular fiction, chances are there's some fucked-up twisted parody of it that is embedded in this universe. That's not to say all of it is edgy or unoriginal, let alone bad - but there's at least 500 different writers contributing content to it who all have their own approach and interpretation to it, so the quality of said fiction will never cease to fluctuate.
The "game" itself isn't too bad either if you ignore the fact that they constantly change the rules every five seconds while adding in new models that make it more and more impossible to balance the meta; and if you're genuinely interested in model collecting - or "army-building" as it's called - then please for the love of god just find a 3d printer (entry level ones are like $150) and make them yourself, don't actually give these scumbags your money and pay half a grand for a couple tiny unpainted unassembled plastic figures that probably only costed eight dollars to produce in some third world sweatshop. Some models cost more than a fucking 3d printer and the feedstock to print them, so there's no reason to overpay.
Like every other roleplay or tabletop game in the past few years, there has been a massive influx of troon-culture (((Thank you Matt Mercer))), and thus it is hard to find a game with people who aren't narcissistic pathological fetishists, redditors, or just anyone in general who has terrible hygiene and social levels so God-awfully inept and awkward to be around that it immediately kills any chance of actually having fun. The best way to approach this is by playing it with people You personally know, and consistently avoid buying anything if there is a cheap or free alternative.
Lore[edit | edit source]
60 thrembillion years ago, there were a bunch of godlike frogs called the Old Ones who could create life or something along those lines. A species full of cancer patients, the Necrontyr, asked the frogs to cure their terminal supermegacanceraids, which they refused to do because they were selfish little fucks. In response, the Necrontyr got really mad and turned themselves into soulless robots for some reason and attacked the frogs. The resulting conflict, known as the War in Heaven, was so destructive that it turned the Warp (basically an alternate dimension of psychic energy) into space Niggerhell. The frogs created new species to fight the necrons, most notably the Eldar/elves and Orks (because EVERY fantasy-adjacent setting HAS to have some version of those two races), but were nevertheless wiped out. The Necrons, despite having won, were tired and decided to fuck off and go to sleep until the current time period of the setting. The Eldar, now unopposed, took over the entire galaxy; however, they eventually became so degenerate that they literally murderfucked a new chaos god into existence. Slaanesh, the god of Excess, killed 99.9% of the Eldar population and vored all of their souls at the time of xheir birth. At some unspecified point before this, three other chaos gods had been created: Khorne, the god of war and rage; Tzeentch, the god of magic and change; and Nurgle, the god of pestilence and decay.
After all of this had happened (at about year 30,000 in our timeline), a guy known as the Emperor of Mankind took over Terra (Earth), which had previously devolved into anarchistic niggerhell. Despite his gigachad-esque appearance, the Emperor was essentially what would happen if a Redditor were to be given godlike wizard superpowers: he constantly behaved like a colossal retard despite his supposedly immense intellect, and also enforced state atheism.He was also possibly Turkish. He created 20 demigod children (although two of them were redacted) to conquer the galaxy; one of them, Horus, got stabbed by an evil poop knife and decided to turn into space supermegahitlersatan. He (along with eight of his brothers who also turned evil) then started a massive war against his dad, creatively called the Horus Heresy. At the end of the conflict, Horus and the Emperor soyduelled across time and space, which left the former fucking dead and the latter confined to a cuck chair and surrounded by oiled-up golden men for eternity.
10,000 years later, everything has gone to complete shit. The Imperium of Man has turned into a heckin' fascist totalitarian shithole (although it would NEVER EVER EVER discriminate against valid black transwxmen, I promise). Horus' kids, still seething from their dad getting 420 bleachscoped into oblivion, blew up a planet and tore the galaxy a new asshole. An extragalactic hivemind of space bugs, known as Tyranids, showed up to eat everything. This is actually a clever subversion of the World Economic Forum, as the bugs VILL eat (you) instead. The robots from earlier are waking up and genociding everyone because they feel like it. Also, the Tau, a bunch of blue space commie weeaboos are there too.
In the Grim Darkness™ of the 41st millenium, there is only war, or however the 40,000 wars are hammered.
