Sony
But it is slowing down drastically, which may lead to it being OVER.
Sony (also known as Snoy, Soyny, Goyny, etc.) is a large Japanese conglomerate known best known for their consumer electronics. While they used to dominate the market with their televisions, cameras, mobile phones, laptops, and personal music players, even gaining a reputation similar to that of Apple among normies and consoomers, their market share has been greatly eroded by their Chinese and Korean competitors. Nowadays, the only things they are known for are DSLR cameras and the PlayStation.
Oh my science Akio Morita is that a wholesome heckin TNO Guangdong reference?
PlayStation
[edit | edit source]History of the PlayStation
[edit | edit source]Sometime in 1991 Sony decided to link up with Nintendo to make some gay CD add-on for the Super Nintendo that Nophono cares fan about called the Nintendo Playstation (that was its actual name, NOT KIDDING). However, the next day Nintendie Betrayed them Judas Iscariot style by deciding to collab with Phillips instead, which lead to oldfag YTP gemeralds such as Hotel Mario and Link: The Faces of Evil. Mindbroken by this, a group of seething pisscels decided to make their own gaming console called the PlayStation.
Despite no one actually believing in it, the PlayStation managed to become a smash success, although this is mainly because Sega was too busy suffering from gay internal politics (mostly Japs who were mindbroken that gaijin Amerimutts were coming up with better ideas than they were) and ended up releasing the Sega Saturn, a brimstone so dark it nearly killed Sega for good while Nintendo took two more years to release the Nintendo 64, a console nobody wanted to make games for due to Nintendo being kikes who didn't want to pay licensing fees for CDs. Of course, great successes tend to ask for sequels, and in 2000, Sony released the PlayStation 2. Although the PS2 was quite a piece of shit technically, even being MASSIVELY BTFOd by the Microsoft Xbox, Nintendo Gamecube, and the Sega Dreamcast in some aspects such as the dreamcasts GPU, it sold millions MORE units due to normalfags wanting to buy DVD players at a cheap price. Because of this, many developers ended up releasing tons of gemmy games for the system, such as Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Shadow of the Colossus, even though they really didn't want to because the console was a massive bitch to develop for.
In 2006, Sony released the PlayStation 3. Mindbroken by how shitty their consoles were compared to the competition, they built their console using a brand new architecture called Cell that would TRULY give them the throne of the most powerful console manufacturers. Unfortunately, the Cell architecture proved difficult for most developers, and even worse, developers realized they didn't like making games for PlayStations and fucked off to make games for the Wii and Xbox 360, and whatever PS3 ports that did release were fucking horrible. To add insult to injury, Sony decided it would be a great idea to price their console at 600 dollars, hoping enough retards would pony up the cash to watch Blu-Rays (a format that was in the middle of its own war against HD-DVD) and play badly converted games from the PC and Xbox 360. Unsurprisingly, not many people were interested except for a few autists like Chris Chan and Chad Wardenđď¸. In the words of the then head of Xbox, Peter Moore, "For less than the cost of a PS3, you can purchase an Xbox 360 and Wii, which you will enjoy a lot more." The PS3 did manage to recover, thanks to reduced pricing, a new marketing campaign, and improved developer tools, but only barely outsold the Xbox 360 (due to Japs not appreciating American excellence) and had a considerably lower attach rate than said console.
In 2013, Sony released the PlayStation 4. Much like the PSX and the PS2, this console was a smash success, and much like those consoles it mainly succeeded due to their competitors being absolute retards. This time, Microsoft fucked up with the Xbox One, releasing a ginormous, hideous box that let you own nothing and datamined you using their brand new Kinect. You were also forced to be connected to the internet at all times as well. While the average consoomer in current year would probably not bat an eye to such tactics, in 2013 they were a little bit more sane and did not receive the Xbox One warmly. This horrific launch irreversibly damaged the Xbox brand, leading to Sony becoming the permanent market leader in the console space. The future of the Xbox brand is in jeopardy, with Microsoft considering exiting the console business altogether. PS4 wins against Xbox One cuz PS4 has the PSVR.
In 2020, Sony released the PlayStation 5. Despite the fact no one had one as no one could get one due to the pandemic, it was somehow the hottest selling gadget of holiday 2020. Which then in 2026 they decided to fuck up and pull an xbox one "YQV VVILL OVVN NQTHING" tactic by deciding to rid of physical media by 2028
Sony's Handheld Efforts
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In 2004, Sony released the PlayStation Portable, which had graphics that rivaled the PS2 and even got ports of many PS2 games (even though most of them were shit and poorly optimized). Despite Nintendies being unable to handle the fact that someone else can release a successful vidya handheld, the PSP was a great success and sold millions of units. It also had actual good games on it unlike the DS which just had 'slop for normies like Nintendogs, Brain Age and New Super Mario Bros.
In 2012, Sony released the PlayStation Vita, which was also pretty cool but bombed because 1. Sony stopped caring about it after a year in and 2. They wanted everyone to buy their shitty proprietary memory cards in order to use the device. It ended up becoming a cult classic like 10 years later because of the cool homebrew made for it.
PlayStation exclusives
[edit | edit source]Nonexistent. Just like PS5 games that arent SNCA.
According to most soyboys, the average PlayStation "exclusive" is a bone-chilling, spine-tingling, emotionally-moving character-driven interactive experience that's truly art in of itself. In reality, most PlayStation exclusives are badly made games with cliched writing, plotholes, and characters who exist to be emasculated by POCs and/or the writer's self-inserts. The majority of the gameplay consists of the player being forced to slowly walk through landscapes, usually while some retarded NPC yaps on and on about shit no one cares about. Whenever you actually DO get to play the game, the gameplay consists of the most boring, mind-numbing action imaginable, usually in the name of making the game more "cinematic." (See Order 1886) Difficulty is non-existent, in fact the average PlayStation developer likes to use geniuses such as DSP as a frame of reference for designing their games.[1]
Despite all of the above being obvious to anyone who has more than a couple of brain cells, PlayStation fans will fight tooth and nail to defend these "games". The writing isn't cheap, it's a witty yet tear-jerking story that always keeps you on your toes. The games are easy and barely contain any gameplay, yeah, so what? It's called being accessible CHUD, not everyone can spend time to play a game that actually makes you think! Just think about all the soyboys who spend day and night working in their wage cage, only to get back to their pod-sized apartment in the big city! Despite wasting all this time defending these games, half of the time they don't even play them, they just watch the cutscenes on YouTube and claim its the same experience, proving everyone who makes fun of them correct. You'd think these people would just go watch a movie instead since that's what they want to do so badly, but they don't for reasons that are beyond any comprehension.
There are a select few PlayStation exclusives that don't fit this label (see Gravity Rush and Dreams), but these games get little marketing from Sony and thus remain fairly obscure. One recent exception to this Astro Bot, which is essentially an extended version of the pack-in tech demo you get with the PS5, except that it's being sold to you for 60 dollars instead of being something you get for free. While a game like this would be glossed over as yet another basic 3D platformer in previous console generations, the PS5 has so little going for it that Sony fanboys are pretending this game is the greatest platformer since Super Mario Galaxy (it's not), it's doing gangbusters (it's probably not), and that Sony is so fucking back and they're truly understanding gamers (they're not).
Other PlayStation retardation
[edit | edit source]On September 10, 2024, Mark Cerny unveiled the PS5 Pro. Despite the fact that no games need it for a multitude of reasons and that no one really wants it, the heads of Soyny of California decided that there were enough consoomers who were willing to consoom the next PlayStation, no matter how stupid it was. Because of this, they had the nerve to price the console at SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS, an unspeakable amount (and this is without a disc drive or a vertical stand, meaning that if you want the complete PS5 Pro experience, you will be paying $800 $850 $1000 instead). Fortunately, it seems that a lot of people aren't particularly happy about this, but sales of the PS5 Pro have yet to begin, so we shall see what happens. They also discontinued gaming discs because the market 'forced' physical media to die because streaming and digital-only media was so "hip" and "trendy" and "flex". This resulted in MASSIVE seethe from the entire internet, with a Soyvil-war-like war betweeen pro-physicalARYANS and GayStation Sony pony GoySlavesâ˘. In The End the rich kikes and Sony Pony GoySlaves⢠won because soon physical media will be dead because BigCorp⢠dosen't take constructive criticism and is forcing digital no matter what fulfilling Klaus Mikaelson Kinski Schwab or somethings plan to make YQV QVVN NQTHING VND BE VAPPY.
Console Warring
[edit | edit source]The fight over which video game box is the best is one that has been fought in many school cafeterias over the years. Back in the day these fights actually made sense, no two consoles were built alike and they had a library of games that were unique to it. However, these fights make little to no sense in today's world, where every console is just a shitty, gimped PC that plays 99% of the exact same games with similar performance. Even then, the average console gamer only plays a small selection of games, being Fortnite, GTA, sports games, and sometimes Minecraft and Call of Dootis. Despite this, manchildren insist on keeping these dumb, petty fights alive, likely as a vain attempt to relive their childhood, autistically gloating whenever Soyny gets a new timed exclusive and having a meltdown whenever said timed exclusively inevitably gets ported to Windows. Contrary to what they'd tell you, the average Xbox fan does not give a single fuck about whatever gay exclusive GayStation just got and are more than happy playing the same five games on their devices.
Ways to troll the 'station
[edit | edit source]- Tell them that the Playstation 5 will never have exclusives
- Tell them that The Nintendo Switch 2 is more powerful than a PS4 pro.
- tell them the Original Switch and Wii U is more powerful than a PS3 and PS vita.
- Tell them the Xbox series X is more powerful than the PS5
- Tell them that While The PS3 is more powerful than the Xbox 360 on paper and in specialized rendering tasks, some multiplatform titles perform better on Xbox 360 because GayStation Architecture is bullshit and people understand it less than people understand Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, Shub-Nigguranth, The icon Of Sin, a 1980s jaguar engine, The Madsen LMG Operating System, A Schizo brain, Francis E Dec, and heckin Incomprehensible Woahjacks combined
- Tell them that Astro Bot is just a ripoff of Super Mario Galaxy
- Tell them the Xbox 360 Will always be better than the Playstation 3
- Tell them that The Last Of Us is fucking dogshit
- Remind them that Sony tried to copy Nintendo and failed
- Say anything positive about Phil Spencer
Sony Pictures
[edit | edit source]Sony Pictures is a US-based subsidiary of Sony best known for holding the film rights to Spider-Man ev&doe Disney owns the character. It was founded as Columbia Pictures Entertainment as a spin-off of the Coca-Cola Company in 1987 and was purchased by Sony in 1989. They were hacked in 2014 by a group of North Korean hackers calling themselves the "Guardians of Peace."
Sony Pictures Animation
[edit | edit source]Sony Pictures Animation is Sony Pictures' animation division. They've made A24 slow-burn kino like Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and Surf's Up, but they've also made brimstone like The Emoji Movie and Surf's Up 2. They also made the Spider-Verse movies which are constantly glazed by film snobs for some reason despite being pretty generic capeshit. These same snobs will deride any animated movie that isn't "stylized," which has basically ruined any discourse surrounding the medium of animation.
