Weebgroid

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Weebgroid in his natural habitat

A weebgroid (/ˈwibˌgrɔɪd/) is a creature part of a superfamily of humanoid stoop-shouldered primates, native to Asia, Europe, North and South America. In prehistoric times, they were more widespread only in the regions of Japan, but are now found throughout the world. Like humans, weebgroids differ from other primates in the absence of a tail and a more developed brain, though not sufficiently developed to be classified as Homo sapiens. A characteristic feature of weebgroids is an overwhelming unhealthy obsession with Japanese animation and Japan itself, caused by a mutation in the SNCA gene.

Behavior and relationships with humans

Weebgroid shows his displeasure with a human

When alone, weebgroids are capable of expressing the full range of human emotions that anime creators squeeze out with their generic dramaslop. In the wild, however, these remarkable beings communicate relatively little, mostly limited to modest gestures, nods, and grunts (vaguely reminiscent of human speech). Relationships between humans and weebgroids are deeply conflicting and are influenced by a variety of factors. When humans notice flaws in Japanese animation that are obvious to any intelligent beings, weebgroid exhibit a high level of aggression, expressing their displeasure through rich facial expressions, gestures, and vocalizations. Fortunately, alone, weebgroids are rarely dangerous, as their deformed anatomy prevents them from posing a serious physical threat to humans.

Another characteristic feature of these unique animals is an irresistible urge to transform everything they see (both living and inanimate objects) into images of anime girls of ambiguous age. This behavioral pattern is linked not only to a mind completely filled with Japanese garbage, but also to an excessively small brain, which requires a constant rush of mild dopamine caused by regular gooning.

Despite claiming loyalty to drawn images ("waifus"), these extraordinary inhabitants display an incredibly keen interest in human females. Sometimes, by exploiting a subculture that is captivating and unusual for inexperienced humans, a weebgroid manages to attract a female's attention and, in exceptionally rare cases, even win her over for mating – a highly unusual and rare achievement for a weebgroid. Most such situations rarely lead to traditional human relationships and typically end with weebgroids becoming cuckolds, most of the time against their will. Of course, in this situation, the female realizes her mistake, and the weebgroid's lack of social skills only exacerbates the situation.

Characteristics

Somatics

Comparison highlighting the key physical traits distinguishing a weebgroid from a human:
(1) untidy hair;
(2) poor eyesight;
(3) cervical protraction;
(4) slender arms;
(5) small penis.

Weebgroids differ from humans not only in their behavioral patterns but also in their somatic characteristics. Compared to normal humans, weebgroids exhibit distinctive deformities that distinguish them from members of Homo sapiens. Depending on the poorly studied weebgroid subspecies, there are both extremely skinny and weak species, and, conversely, excessively obese ones. Weebgroids often have a hunched posture, developed from an inability to sit upright while watching anime and posting on /a/, and poor eyesight, a result of the lack of sunlight in their habitat. A lack of basic hygiene is also a characteristic feature of these magnificent creatures, leading to such distinctive appearances as greasy hair (assuming they have it), unkempt facial hair (especially on the neck), and visible irritations, dermatitis, and other acne-like rashes. It is worth noting that representatives of this species have developed an inexplicable intolerance to deodorants, which causes a noticeable unpleasant odor.

Self-presentation

Seeking to conceal these non-aesthetical traits, as well as to stand out and conform to unrealistic anime standards, weebgroids deliberately choose bright, flashy, and even outrageous clothing, dye their hair unnatural colors, and purchase items with familiar imagery. The consumerism of this species has become especially noticeable in recent years, as weebgroids are well known for their wasteful and impulsive behavior, which inevitably saturates the market with their cancerous interests.

Criticism of the concept

Despite unique characteristics, which allow soyentists to classify weebgroids as a distinct species, some experts dispute this distinction, classifying weebgroids as part of the human species. For example, Dr. Moishe Brapberg expressed the opinion that these unorthodox characteristics of weebgroids are in fact just one micro-subspecies of goyim, and do not necessary separate humans of non-Jewish descent from this species.

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