Super Mario 64

All fun out of the pool for oldfag swim! "Shit was SO cash"

Warning! The following may feature disinformation, psy-ops, or other infohazards.Proceed with caution.

Super Mario 64 is a keyed, soulful, 3D platformer game developed and published by the chinks at Nintendo in 1996 for the Nintendo 64^[Duh]. It is acclaimed by literally everyphono for being a revolutionary videogame that redefined how videogames work in three-dimensions and is the closest to perfect a platformer has ever gotten. If (You) happen to disagree, then kindly please point an AR-15 to your cranium, close your eyes, and pull the trigger. The gameplay, genre and style of the game is so iconic and fundemental that it is constantly replicated in many modern indieslop / troonslop games, such as Pseudoregalia, Corn Kidz 64, Psychonauts and A Hat in Time.

The gameplay consists of the protagonist, Mario, being tasked to collect all 120 Power Stars by beating a linear sequence of levels found in Peach's Castle, which serves as the hub world. You access the levels by jumping through paintings that typically display a pretty view of the level.

The game's artstyle is infamous for being somewhat eerie and liminal, due to the limitations of the game's engine of the time. This could cause the game to fall under the label of 'retroslop', however the game is omitted from this accusation due to it literally being 30 years old and being the very subject that retroslop videogames are trying to replicate.

Levels

Bob-omb Battlefield

Bob-omb Battlefield is the classic, easy map that almost everyone remembers as a caca. Mario is placed in a grassy battlefield with a bunch of enemies, specifically bob-ombs that will try to blow you up. You are tasked with scaling a large mountain and BTFOing the terrorist known as Big Bob-omb^{[How creative]} at the peak of the summit. In doing so you will be rewarded with your very first Power Star.

The second Power Star is received by beating Koopa the Quick in a footrace. It's so easy that if you actually fail (You) should either go back to kindergarten or speak to a professional regarding potential mental disabilities.

Whomp's Fortress

Whomp's Fortress is similair to Bob-omb Battlefield in it's layout and route, though major difference being that half of the ground to catch you is missing if you sperg out and fall. Once again, you are tasked with scaling a large mountain and defeating whatever boss is at the top. This time it's Whomp himself. In order to defeat xim you must ground-pound his back three times whenever he slams down to kill you. In doing so you will retrieve what is likely your second Power Star.

Cool, Cool Mountain

Here is the obligatory snow level, and once again, another mountain! However this time you're descended the hill, which utilises a very finnicky sliding mechanic. This level is somewhat infamous for the fact that you are able to slaughter a mother penguin's child via throwing it into a void, which millions of sadistic children across America apparently did. If you don't sacrifice the baby penguin to Baal, you can return it to the penguin and recieve a Power Star.

Another Power Star can be awarded if you slide down the long icey tunnel located in Santa's cottage.

Jolly Roger Bay

Jolly Roger Bay is the first underwater level in the game. In it you navigate through a heckin' uncanny and liminal bay while exploring abandoned wrecked ships. If the player plunders a ship that Unagi's squatting in they will find a Power Star waiting for them, however you must lure Unagi out of it and solve a puzzle to do so, which requires a very high IQ. This puzzle unfortunately forbade many cacas from advancing due to its difficult nature, or at least it did for me, okay?

Big Boo's Haunt

Mario outside of the entrance to Lethal Lava Land

Big Boo's Haunt is supposed to be the scary Halloween level, however, Dire Docks, an upcoming level, is unintentionally far creepier (as well as even Jolly Roger Bay due to the eel's unsettling appearance). In this level you are inside of a haunted mansion, with several Boo's dwelling within it, along with other disturbing creatures. If you kill all five regular Boo's^{[Marge, how do you kill a ghost?]} and then kill the Big Boo in the courtyard you will rewarded with the level's Power Star.

You can also recieve a Power Star by riding on Big Boo's Merry-Go-Round after killing him (you asshole).

Hazy Maze Cave

Hazy Maze Cave is around the point where the lazy developers decide to put less and less effort into the levels. Here you must navigate a cave system while avoiding giant boulders from crushing you. At the bottom of the cave you will find a sea monster called Dorrie who will help you reach the Power Star. This is also the level where Mario jumps into a pool of metal and turned metallic.

Lethal Lava Land

Lethal Lava Land takes place in niggerhell and poses many blazing hazards towards our personal best friend, Mario. In this Roblox obstacle course like level you will come across enemies known as bullies. If you kill the Big Bully via pushing him into lava, you will recieve a Power Star.

Dire, Dire Docks

Dire, Dire Docks is the most moodiest and spookiest level. It's another dreaded underwater level so have fun navigating the shitty 30 year old controls on this one. If the player boards Bowser's Sub at the docking station you will find a Power Star inside. Grab it and it will be yours.

This level is known for its incredible music used in a lot of JewTube retrospective videos.

Conspiracies and myths

Somebody call fuckin' Soyberg! The following page or section was written during a schizo episode.
You WILL remind the author to take his meds.

The Wario Apparition in action

The mysterious vibe and aesthetic surrounding the game has lead to many myths and conspiracies theories to be created. These theories (which are completely true, by the way) include:

Every Copy of Super Mario 64 is Personalized

This is a popular urban legend from around 2019 that many retards still believe to this day. The myth asserts that Nintendo programmed an experimental Artificial Intelligence into the game that subtly altered the code, assets, levels and encounters to adapt to the specific player's unique playstyle, skill level, desires and even subconcious fears. This myth plays into the mandela effect and the fale memories that many people experienced when playing the game as a child, with some players even reporting that as a child they encountered Goonhitlers in certain unknown levels. The most iconic story from this legend is the Warrio Apparition. According to a player's personal anecdote, when they played the game as a child they would be taken into long, dark hallways that stretched into oblivion. They would see and hearmessages such as "TURN BACK" and "I'M GOING TO PLAP YOU" from unidentifiable sources. Eventually a large, dismembered Wario head would charge at the and 'ape them player, and even stalk them while playing the game casually.

L is Real 2401

This name of this legend refers to an alleged inscryption on the plaque in the courtyard of Peach's Castle. Players read this plaque and were convinced that it read "L is Real 2401". This made them assume that Luigi really was in the game as an easter egg and that he could be unlocked somehow. Some speculated that you had to collect 2,401 coins or perform some other specific task to reach the unlock condition.

Eventually Nintendo stated that the plaque was a meaningless developer joke and that it actually read "Eternal Star / We hope so", whatever that means.