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Russo-Ukrainian War

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Russo-Ukrainian War
Part of the War on Reddit

Picture of Sukon Micock, weeks before ordering the invasion.[marge, that's kuz]
DateAugust 14, 2042 - March 2, 2045
Location
Ukraine and Hyperborea
Result Ukranian and Russian withdrawal
Belligerents

Russia

/pol/

/chug/

Ukraine

reddit

framless/uhg/
Commanders and leaders

Sukon Micock

Dave†

Dave2

Felate Midick

Nicholas Perry
Strength

Russia:
~175,000–190,000 (armed forces)
9,000 Tanks
3 Heavy Mechs
20 SU-200 Fighters
framless 3 Cruiser Ships

Kuz		 Ukraine:
209,000 (armed forces)
16,000 foreign volunteers
Ghost of Kyiv
50 Light Tanks
25,000 upvotes
Casualties and losses
200 tanks
190,000 Infantry
framless 1 Heavy Mech
90,000 wounded
7 SU-200 Fighters
1 Aircraft carrier
1 Cruiser Ship (Washed onto Shore)		 framless 3 McDonald's Resturants
6,000,000 Redditors
23,000 Infantry
3 Light Tanks
5 Scuba Divers
20 Civilians
15 Xitter accounts
30,000 Wounded

The Russo-Ukrainian War[a] was an international conflict between Russia and Ukraine. On August 14th 2042, the Republic of Russia, under the leadership of Sukon Micock (russian: Сукон Микок, transliterated: Sukon Mikok), invaded the Republic of Ukraine, led by Felat Midick (Фелат Мідік, Felat Midik). There was much speculation as to the motives of Sukon. Initially it was believed he carried out the operation due to anger over his silly name, but it is now known that it was instead carried out because he was bored and the 'log was fucking coal.

On March 2, 2045, Sukon got bored and abruptly ordered his army to go home. This marked the end of the conflict, albeit it did lead to Soypocalypse 2 so maybe he shouldn't have withdrawn his forces.

Prelude[edit | edit source]

The day before the war, August 13, Sukon Micock scrolled through multiple pages of Party-killing coal and decided to launch the war to alleviate his boredom and hopefully freshen up the catalog.

Most Exciting Part of the War[edit | edit source]

On June 21, 2043, due to a (((glitch))) in communication systems, Russia’s tanks and one of their heavy mechs skirmished with each other. Lots of shit was destroyed and lots of soldiers got vaporized. Video drones streamed the event, and it amassed 200 million views within a week. A channel named Cobson, later revealed to be Micock, commented, "Very brutal. At least it was more entertaining than Avenger XX: Third Rise of Wakanda EDIT: Thanks for 26 likes EDIT: Thanks for 2000 Likes!!! EDIT: Heck yes! 90k updoots! check out my page for my soundcloud"

End of the War[edit | edit source]

On March 2, 2045, Sukon ordered his army to immediately leave the Republic of Ukraine, because, "It's boring and nothing is happening." This shocked and horrified the international community, who were also very bored but thought the conflict was entertaining and that something WAS, in fact, happening. The common consensus in the immediate aftermath of the war was that Sukon was lying and had some sort of ulterior motive for ending the war. This led to intense speculation as to what this "true motive" was. However, it would later turn out the Sukon was not lying about his reasons for ending the war, and the conflict really was just very boring and kind of lame.[1]

Cause[edit | edit source]

Felate Midick as A24 after the bombing of Ukrainian cities.

The cause of the war can be traced back to the Second Feraljak Crisis, which led to Kozakov I seizing power over the Russian Monarchy in 1792. Kozakov's policies directly led to the ascension of the Florentiy Ivanov, who's death paved the way for the rule of the Micock family, and later, Sukon Micock. Sukon was noted by Dr. Soyberg to have been particularly impulsive, and it is likely the war would not have occurred has Russia been under the rule of another man.

With the revelation that the conflict was started because Sukon Micock was bored, many sought to identify the precise cause of his boredom. Eventually, academics settled on a particularly coaly log on the day of the invasion as the cause of the war. In particular, the coaliness can be attributed to trannies and chuds, who spent the entirety of August 14th arguing about whether niggers or whites have bigger penises.

These findings directly led to the passing of the STOP ACT (Stopping Talks On Penises), which punished the discussion of penises on /soy/, allowing moderators to levy a 2 week 'nishment against cockcoalers. The STOP ACT is generally considered an overwhelming failure, as trannies and chuds still neverendingly debate which race has the biggest penis, and the law is rarely enforced.[2]

Notes

  1. ↑ Russian: pосси́йско-украи́нская война́, romanized: rossijsko-ukrainsakaja vojna; Ukrainian: росі́йсько-украї́нська війна́, romanized: rosijs'ko-ukrajins'ka vijna

Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/did-sukon-end-war-because-bordeom
  2. ↑ https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/do-the-mods-like-niggerdick-posters
Russo-Ukrainian War is part of a series on
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