Soyius Partius
Soyius Partius[a] was a Roman patrician and philosopher who taught his disciples that they could achieve eternal youth and happiness by keeping their mouths agape at the sight of milk mixed with a mysterious black liquid from the orient, maintaining a stubble beard, and wearing what could be considered proto-glasses. Soyius also fought for Rome during the Second Punic War, which led to his tragic death at the 2nd Battle of Herdonia[1]. His philosophy would be preserved by his disciples, notably one Oedipus Nigerius, who was able to teach a new generation of students just outside of Rome.
Early Life
[edit | edit source]Marcus Partius Barbarius was born to an unknown mother and one Romulus Partius Barbarius[2]. In his youth he often sat still and listened to those he considered "experts", such as doctors, senators and his teachers. He often told a story involving he and a friend far away shooting leaf-tipped arrows with attached parchment to communicate[3].
Philosophy
[edit | edit source]Soyius would be influenced by movements such as Epicureanism, and synthesized these beliefs with a fermented condiment from the East, said to give vitality to consumers. He would not consume the fluid, however, and instead admired it. The admiration, especially with an agape mouth, would allow for the essence of vitality to enter without needing to consume the then rare condiment. Soyius also believed that milk had special properties[4], and shunned cheese as heresy. This led to the natural mixing of the soy sauce into milk to use in the philosophy's rituals. Soyius' philosophy was known to be very dogmatic, accepting most statements made by people of great authority or knowledge as axioms unquestioningly.
Military Service and Death
[edit | edit source]As the Second Punic War began, Soyius would become a general and lead multiple battles against Hannibal in Italy. His tactics were poor, and he often relied on other generals to bail his legions out when he got into trouble[5]. During the second Battle of Herdonia, his accompanying generals would abandon him[6], leading to him being captured and executed on the spot by Hannibal Barca. It is said that one ritual he performed only with Oedipus Nigerius and Hunkarius Twinichus Sextus Machinis[b] would allow the three to eventually reincarnate at an unknown date. While The Swede is said to be his reincarnation by some, it is unknown who, or even if Oedipus and Hunkarius reincarnated.[7]
Legacy
[edit | edit source]Soy sauce and the plant used to make it is named after Soyius due to the liquid's use in his rituals.
soyjak.party, a website dedicated to The Swede's works, is named after Soyius due to the legend that the artist is the reincarnation of him.
Notes
- ↑ Full Name: Soyius Partius, The Archduke of A24, The Boyar of Bumo, The Cheif of Cobson, The Duke of Deformed Soyjaks, The Emperor of Ears, the Fuhrer of Fatjak, the Generalissimo of Gems, The Herald of HWABAG, The Imperator of Impjak, The Jarl of Jacobson, The King of Kuz, The Lord of Lawrence, The Margrave of Massjak, The Negus of Nate, The Overlord of Onions, The Prince of Perrojak, The Qagan of /qa/, The Raja of Rapeson, The Shogun of Soyak, The Tsar of Though, the Ustav of Up, the Viceroy of variant:unknown, and The Warden of Wholesome Soyjak,
- ↑ Hunkarius was a notable man in his own right, having the skin of an African despite being Roman-Born
Snopes
- ↑ https://teamcofh.com/docs/1.12/thermal-foundation/second_punic_war
- ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_nophono_fan_cares_about
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/
- ↑ https://rimworldwiki.com/wiki/Milk
- ↑ I was there
- ↑ https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/soyius-abandoned-by-peers-at-herdonia/
- ↑ https://naacp.org/resources/soyius-myth-oedipus-hunkarius
