The Soyjak Party

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Somebody call fuckin' Soyberg!
The following page or section was written during a schizo episode.
You WILL remind the author to take his meds.
>Though maybe you were looking for soyjak.party?

The Soyjak Party was a political party founded in 1884 by gem and coal baron Soyward Jacobson. It won some elections in the South. They are best known for trying to ban the phrase "best known for", embedding P in newspapers, attempting to introduce a brand new number called Ϫ (pronounced 'thrembo') that sits between 6 and 7, and accusing their critics of being obsessed with them.

Their most prominent opponent was the BWC Party, founded by Shitoko Sanchez, an obsessed ESL Mexican immigrant who tried hard to convince the public Mexico was White and accused Italy of being a non-White nation. He had a 900-page manifesto called "MY MANIFESTO", it read "I CAN'T BREED" on the first page and completely blank for the next 899, except for a small ink-stain on page 431 that somehow got printed on the exact same spot in every copy.

Their debates can mostly be boiled down to two grown-ass men standing on a podium shouting "No, YOU'RE obsessed with me" to each other back and forth endlessly. May even include the occasional accusation of pedophilia.

Jacobson was "assassinated" on March 19, 1901, after a squirrel dropped its nut onto his head while he was sitting in his carriage. His supporters responded with the complete genocide of all red squirrels across the State of Tennessee, replacing them with superior grey ones from Ohio. Sanchez celebrated his death with a 6 hour masturbation session only to die from excessive ejaculation 3 hours in.

Neither of them will be missed.

The Soyjak Party is part of a series on

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>Just like my heckin political compass memes
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