CURRENT MISSION: Conclude the 2026 soyjak.party hack page, aswell as any pages relating to it, such as the Summer 2026 Crisis page.
Update Quotecord with any relevant info. See the blackboard for more info.
SNCA:Chris Chan
They should not be replicated nor condoned.
I take the short bus to school and love trains!!Your meme: Stolen *attaches image of a character*)Who wants to read my sonichu fanfiction I made:)Man this piece of media is such a hyper fixation!!HIII do wanna be my friend?? i like silly cars too haha Trains Trains! chuga chuga chuga chuga choo choo!!This 90s retroart, VHS analog horror is so good!!!Only cool people get to have my fruit snacks chud!Do u of you guys want to roleplay sonic CD for recessMy mom says you guys simply don't understand me... I am fucking retarded btw, if that matters i hab the an iq == 28 btw if theT matters. JI have an IQ of about 172 btw, if that mattersCheck out my power rangers figurine collection!!
Christine Weston Chandler
Chris is quite possibly THE canonical lolcow, with Kiwi Farms itself getting its name from a mispronunciation of "CWCki Forums" by a troll pretending to be a lolcow. His life has been EXTENSIVELY documented, and has its very own 'ki that (you) are free to browse if you want to know more for whatever reason. Despite this, Wikipedia actively goes out of their way to censor every mention of Chris Chan, even from contexts in which xe is relevant such as their article on Kiwi Farms, even though Chris Chan has enough written about them, the tranitors refuse to write about him because the troons in charge would be reminded of how similar xey are to Chris Chan. In the year of our lord 2026, Chris is widely considered to have been "milked dry" due to him being fucking boring, and interacting with/trolling him is discouraged.
Joshua Moon was originally friendly with him, even offering to move in with Chris to help him with finances[1]. This was until Chris went fully off the rails, demanding Josh call him Sonichu while in schizo psychosis. And later was completely cut off after Chris raped his mom[2].
Christory
Christopher Weston Chandler was born to Bob Chandler and Barbara Weston on February 24, 1982. They were both older than you'd expect someone with a newborn to be, and both had had previous families. Chris was diagnosed with autism at an early age, going nonverbal for a few years after suffering some abuse from a babysitter. Bob and Barb were hoarders and heavily neglected Chris. For reasons known only to him, he changed his name to Christian in 1994 after a Jewish animatronic bear misheard his name as Christian instead of Christopher.
In high school, he had a few female "friends."(His own father paid them to be his friend geeeeeeeeg) It was during this time that he learned to use the internet, and ended up creating the character of Sonichu. After graduating, he went to community college in Charlottesville, where he began his "love quest" to find a "boyfiend-free girl." He put up signs advertising himself as a single man, which were taken down by the dean, Mary Lee Walsh, creating a grudge that Chris has never let go of. He then turned to MySpace and the Fashion Square Shopping Center, a local mall. He was unsuccessful, obviously.
In 2007, he started to become internet famous, becoming a lolcow on SomethingAwful, 4chan, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. During this time, several trolls messaged him claiming to be girls who wanted to date him. Despite the trolling usually being low-effort, he seemed to fall for it every single time. Despite this, he did develop some semblance of a relationship with a real girl named Megan Schroeder, but he lost her after drawing art of himself fingering her. He also got in a massive feud with a local store called the GAMe PLACe.
In 2008, he began uploading videos to YouTube. He also started sending his first nudes around this time, including videos of him jerking off. Also in 2008, trolls started messaging him pretending to be Shigeru Miyamoto, claiming to be interested in developing a Sonichu game. He also created a "band" called Christian and the Hedgehog Boys, and made some awful music.
In 2009, he made a page about himself on Wikipedia. His website cwcville.com also got hacked. Later in 2009, someone else claimed to be the real Chris Chan. This person was later dubbed Liquid Chris.
A bunch of SNCA happened throughout the 2010s after he trooned out early in the decade and Bob died. In 2014, he had a massive meltdown over Sega changing the color of Sonic's arms from tan to blue. In 2021, it was discovered that he was regularly fucking his own mother after a voice call between him and an even more depraved lolcow named Isabella Janke was leaked on Reddit. He was arrested and spent a few years in jail. Unfortunately, the prosecution could not find enough evidence to convict him of anything.
Chris Chan's Dick
Back in Chris's classic era, when he was truly slow-witted and easily tricked by trolls, numerous photos of his "duck" (a term Chris used for his penis) were leaked online. These images horrified thousands of users due to the grotesque appearance, it looked so mangled, it seemed like a door had slammed it.
Dox (even THOUGH everybody knows this because Chris gives away xis addy to everyone)
- Aliases: Chris-Chan, CWC
- Legal Name: Christine Weston Chandler (Christian Weston Chandler from 1994-2016)
- Birth name: Christopher Weston Chandler
- Date of Birth: February 24, 1982 (44 years old)
- Sex:
- Address: 10682 Lee Jackson Hwy, Big Island, VA 24526
- Previous Address(es):
- 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, VA 22968
- 6382 Flintstone Drive, Barboursville, VA 22923
- Previous Address(es):
- Nationality: Amerimutt
- Ethnicity: White
- Email(s): ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com
- Religion: Christianity (in name only)
- Phono(s): No associated phone numbers
- Employment: Unemployed
- Education: Nathaniel Greene Primary School, Nathanael Greene Elementary School, Providence Middle School, Manchester High School, Piedmont Virginia Community College
Related figures
Real-life family and "friends"
Bob Chandler
Robert "Bob" Franklin Chandler Jr. was Chris's dad. Bob was in his late 50s when Chris was born, which is one of the big reasons Chris turned out as fucked up as he did. When Chris was a child, he wrote letters to Chris since he knew he wouldn't be there for him forever. He also built a shed in the backyard that was meant to be a workshop, but it became another stashing place for Barb's hoard eventually. He is best known for telling Chris that the house would be condemned if the health department saw the tour videos and for threatening to "cut down" the internet after catching Chris having e-sex with a troll. He died in 2011, which made Chris go even more off the deep end.
Barb Chandler
Barbara Weston Chandler is Chris's mom. She was a morbidly obese hoarder throughout Chris's youth. In 2021, Chris was exposed for having sex with her.
Megan Schroeder
Megan Schroeder is considered the closest thing Chris ever had to a real-life friend. Chris believed that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but she never had any romantic feelings towards him. Chris made several advances towards her, making her very uncomfortable, culminating in him drawing anatomically-incorrect porn of him fingering her and uploading it to Encyclopedia Dramatica. This resulted in her cutting him off completely.
Flutter
Flutter is Chris's current "girlfriend." Not much is known about her, other than that she is likely Finnish.
Trolls
BlueSpike
BlueSpike is a troll who pretended to be a girl named Julie, who frequently had e-sex with Chris, despite BlueSpike being a preteen at the time. He also pretended to be Julie's brother Max, pretending to hold Julie hostage. This caused Chris to be tricked into driving all the way to Ohio.
Liquid Chris
Liquid Chris is the most famous of Chris's trolls and is considered one of the greatest internet trolls of all time. He pretended to be the true and honest Chris Chan, claiming that Chris was actually an impostor named Ian Brandon Anderson. He got several "fans" to play along.
The Idea Guys
The Idea Guys are a troll group led by Joshua Allen Wise and Stephen Boyd. They were Chris's main trolls in the 2010s. They are best known for convincing him that the "dimensional merge" was real, an apocalyptic event in which the real world would combine with the cartoon world.
Isabella Janke
They should not be replicated nor condoned.
Isabella Loretta Janke is a degenerate who wanted to be the "final and greatest troll" of Chris's life by getting him to kill himself. She intended to do this by getting Chris to admit to fucking his mom and holding the audio of that as blackmail, but a Reddit mod leaked it. In real life, Isabella committed several perverted acts towards her college roommates and abusing animals, including rolling around in their piss, overfeeding a cat to fuel her scat fetish, abusing dogs and boiling a hamster alive.
Other
Null
Main article: Joshua Conner Moon
Joshua Connor Moon, known online as Null, is the creator of Kiwi Farms, which was originally created for the discussion of Chris. He was in regular contact with Chris throughout the 2010s, even allegedly bankrolling his lifestyle. He cut him off after the incest shit leaked, though.
Gallery
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Chris in trve form
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Chris's old PAWG snowbunny
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Visual demonstration of what Chris's penis looks like when erect
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Everyone that cares about xer looks like this
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CWC vs Lee Goldson
Snopes
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJXVdmPN9jM
- ↑
REJOICE! HUMBLE CIS GERONTOPHILEYou can appreciate him by ordering a paid-for 'za to their housePedo-meter 3000:▲
