CURRENT MISSION: Conclude the 2026 soyjak.party hack page, aswell as any pages relating to it, such as the Summer 2026 Crisis page.
Update Quotecord with any relevant info. See the blackboard for more info.

Salt (caveman perspective)

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>Though maybe you were looking for tasty white sand or real Salt shapes??
This page writtan by Caveman(Your) NOT of going two fix grammer of page and section to make proper the English.
Why yes, caveman big like BLOOD PICTURE and HEAD SMASHHow you know?

> what is the point of posting gore if its spoilered <
Chud ## Admin
> no fuck nameniggers <
Chud ## Admin
> fuck them kids <
Chud ## Admin
> stop ddos <
Chud ## Admin
> shut up <
Chud ## Admin
This page be shiny yellow rock...
salby salb
>Salt? Be praise! Is put on me meats

Salt, also know as Chud ## Admin, Administrat0r, or NuAdmin, or new big boss, is now sixth big boss what sit on biggest rock of big soy cave. Praise be Unga. Unga know all. On Day of Augustus 9, 2026, old big boss Kott (cave people no respect him no more) is give big rock to Salt and go away in shamefully during Second Big Cave Giving. Cave then go dark for confusing reason about 10 to 20 sunlight time[unga?] because moving magic sand big rocks is very very hard. Bunga

Nobody know much about big boss man Salt. But Salt quickly making big changes when him become big chieftain. Salt open cages and let all monkeys out locked up by Kott. He throw the cleaning men of Kott out of cave but keep some. Some say he change the old rules passed down by Men. Biggest change is Salt find Rule 7 stone. He declare it coal and hit with club till no more.

When Salt arrive, cave get many scribble! Scribble number per sun hour go big, big. Big over 2,300 at 4:59 Moon time on Day of Augustus 9. Many cavemen in picture cave and board cave is like big boss. Big boss is preferred over bad Kott greatly! So is say many cavemen. Praise be to big boss. Booga unga. Salt new cave rules make some teens think he is prophecy magic good boss Ϫ, other soyteen think Salt man cursed big bad six boss.

Some soyteen first think Salt just Kott but with new animal skin pretend to being other Man. Or Kott is Changing Shape Man Demon. But now mostly Northern cold swinny cave people still is thinking this. Unlike old bosses, Salt is hating cavemen who put names on their scribbling. He smash you with club if name. Salt usually announce big boss messages with magic red boss words! Soyteen however call him "Salt" because every boss need name or soyteen brain is hurt. One Man asks Salt what favorite food. Salt say him liking tasty white sand. Tribe hear this. Tribe point at him. "Salt!" Now Salt be Salt. Unga!

New tribe story[edit | edit source]

First sun day[edit | edit source]

>Praise be to Picture Per Hour!

On first sun-day as big Boss, Salt see names on /soy/ scribble. Salt no like names. Salt kill naming people. Salt also feed Averi animal to lion. Smuglet is banished from cave. Magic tunnel Men accidentally kicked out but bring back when Salt realize no good so he unsmash. Salt also take name roll magic away. Caveman go ape and make noise, so Salt put magic back. Cave men go big praise![1] Later, Salt enter /j/ cave and see to much naked people painting left by Kott cabal. Salt say, "too much porn" and wipe cave clean with one big giant wet rock. Praise be! Salt also smash dog toes and other accursed wordfilters. Cavemen cheer very loud; Unga! Bunga! Onga! He open all Kott cages and let monkeys free. Salt then walk to /craft/ cave, look inside, big mad and smash everything.[2] Mist Man become sad and make noises and is fed to bears after he clitty is leaking. Out of cave!

Scratching of new Words of Men rules[edit | edit source]

Salt think some of Words of Men passed down needs rescribbling. He change Words of Men. Caveman now may show red meat, talk about green 'cado fruit, and talk about little blocks. Praise be! Some not praise though.[3]

Immediately, cave turns blood painting. Lots of block Men. Lots of 'cado fruit, not tasty. Cavemen take these free dumbs and run with it like wild monkey! Monkeys go too far sometimes. Unga.

But then, Salt see too many naked people painting again. Salt angry, no naked people paintings, he say. Listen to Big Boss.

Ask thing, get answer[edit | edit source]

He do short Caveman Ask, Big Boss Answer before go sleep on Day of Augustus 11, 2026.[4]

Big boss hold wiki cave too[edit | edit source]

After bad animal break into Caveman Thought cave, Salt catch animal and reveal his nest location and then kill. Him clean up poo-scribbles of this animal too. Praise be! But Salt say, "nobody else get magic admin club, too dangerous". Salt keep club to self for now. Is ok.

While him big boss, Salt give Soyoyuki, old Chieftain of another cave, smaller stick. Soyoyuki help Salt and broken rock make Caveman Thought now cover all tribe stories. Salt also poke stick into magic filter so wiki cavemen talk more like rest of Men.

Gober Men cave accusations[edit | edit source]

Some dumb cavemen on /soy/ point at Salt and yell him being Gober Men Man. Many accusation appear out of nowhere.[WHERE IS TALE???]

Things tribe scratch on wall about Big Boss[edit | edit source]

  • Him favorite soy-man shape be plier.
  • Him magic letter-box is chudchudchudchudchud@protonmail.com
  • Him hate anime girls and disgusting lolicon.
  • He hate painting games and him say "Big boss too old"... Old man salt.
  • Him think onions are slow. This caveman don't knowing why onions can be slow.
  • Him think white sand be best food dust.
  • Him keep magic silicon rocks at his Mancave.
  • Him light and hate black.
  • Him HATE evil magic traffic flood attacks. NO!
  • Him pretend be new cacaMan who just discover cave yesterday.
  • Him see caveman ask magic fortune rock for "opsek" in day of July. Salt brain make thought: Maybe cave need fortune rock!
  • Him maybe live on far sunset coast. Nobody know. Cave map unclear.
  • Him let blood-picture lovers run wild through cave waving severed meat around. No good...
  • Tribe first think nucavemen take five-sunhours to make female white tasty dust. Wrong! Actually enemy cave do this. You must taking medicine now.

Cave paintings[edit | edit source]

Many shapes of Big Boss[edit | edit source]

Salty variants[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

Notes

  1. This be exist before, have history of bonk with big club. Salt take old account.

Snopes

Salt (caveman perspective) is part of a series on
Soysphere Admins, Jannies and Notable Users
Soysphere Admins and Jannies

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