The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim

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Developer(s)	Froot
Publisher(s)	FNWO
Director(s)	Froot
Producer(s)	Froot
Designer(s)	Froot
Slave(s)	Literally who codemonkey #1
	Literally who codemonkey #2
	Literally who codemonkey #3
	...and so on or something
Artist(s)	Soyteen
Writer(s)	Chud
Composer(s)	Ϫ
Series	The Thoughie Scrolls
Engine	Basedjak Engine
Platform(s)	Microsoft Windows
	PlayStation 3
	Xbox 360
	PlayStation 4
	Xbox One Xbox Series X/S
	Nintendo Switch
	PlayStation 5
Release	June 26 2026
Genre(s)	Action role-playing
Mode(s)	Incel-player

The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim is an action role-playing video game developed by Froot and published by his shell company, FNWO. It is the fifth main installment in The Thoughie Scrolls series, following The Thoughie Scrolls IV: Coblivion (2022), and was released worldwide for Microsoft Windows, PlayStation 3, and Xbox 360 on June 26, 2026.

The game is set 200 years after the events of Coblivion and takes place in Soyrim, the northernmost province of Kuzriel, a continent on the planet Söot. Its main story focuses on the player's character, the Wholesomeborn, on their quest to defeat Al'Trooni the World-ACKer, a tranny who is prophesied to destroy the board. Over the course of the game, the player completes quests and develops the character by improving skills. The game continues the open world tradition of its predecessors by allowing the player to travel anywhere in the game world at any time, and to ignore or postpone the main storyline indefinitely.

Soyrim was developed using the Basedjak Engine, which was rebuilt specifically for the game. The team opted for a unique and more diverse open world than Coblivions Imperial Province of Gemydiil, which game director and executive producer Froot considered more coal by comparison. Upon release, the game received critical acclaim, with praise for its gemmy soyjak creation tool, world design, visuals, and realistic soy dueling combat system. Criticism targeted the raiding, tranny battles, and numerous technical issues present at launch. The game shipped over a gajillion million units within the first day of its release and had sold over a thrembillion units by June 2027. It is considered one of fifth generation jakking's most significant titles and one of the greatest video games ever made.

Three downloadable content (DLC) add-ons were released: Cuckguard, (You)fire and Wholesomeborn, which were bundled along with the base game into The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim - 'Jakkers Edition released in June 2027. A remastered version, The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim - Ruby Edition, was released for Windows, PlayStation 4 and Xbox One in October 2029, with all three DLC expansions and a graphical upgrade. A port for the Nintendo Switch was released in November 2029. A separate virtual reality-only version, The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim VR, was released in December 2029 for PlayStation VR, and for Windows-based VR headsets. In addition, the Ruby Edition was released on PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X/S as part of the compilation The Thoughie Scrolls V: Soyrim – Cashgrab Edition in June 2030, and for Nintendo Switch in September 2031. A new video game in the series, The Thoughie Scrolls VI, is currently in development.

Gameplay

The Thoughie Scrolls V: Skyrim is a fantasy action role-playing game, playable from either a first or third-person perspective. The player may freely roam over the land of Soyrim, an open world environment based on Sweden consisting of wilderness expanses, dungeons, caves, cities, towns, fortresses, and villages. Players may navigate the game world more quickly by using the 'log, or utilizing a fast-travel system that allows them to move their character immediately to a previously discovered location.

At the beginning of the game, players select their character's gender and race, with 4 choices for the latter, including races of humans and fantasy races such as chinks and niggers. The player chooses the character's appearance; this is not necessarily permanent, however, as an in-game transitioning mechanic allows for changing the appearance later. Characters have three primary attributes: health is how much damage the character can take before dying, magicka is depleted to cast slurs, and stamina allows the character to perform heavy "quotefagging" or sprint. A status bar for each attribute appears onscreen when the attribute falls below its maximum value. Attributes regenerate over time and can be refilled faster by drinking potions, casting regenerative spells, or through various enchantments. Characters gain experience indirectly, via leveling up skills. The 18 skills are divided evenly among the three schools of combat, magic, and stealth. Each skill has its own experience bar, which increases when the character performs an action in-game related to the skill. For example, making a troon -ACK increases the Speech skill, and dealing psychological damage with a neutralplier post increases the Discord skill. When a skill's experience bar fills, the skill levels up and the bar is reset. After enough skills level up, the character levels up, enabling the player to increase the maximum value of one of the three attributes and providing a perk point. Perk points can be spent immediately on a skill-specific perk or stored for later use.

Synopsis

Setting

Soyrim is set 200 years after the events of Coblivion, although it is not a direct sequel. The game takes place in Soyrim, a province of the Imp-erial Empire on the continent of Kuzriel, amid a civil war between two factions: the Stormcucks, led by Ulfric Soycloak, and the Imp-erial Legion, led by General Spadeius. The conflict arises after the High King of Soyrim was banned by Ulfric in a soy duel. The civil war is merely a distraction from the main threat: the return of the Jannies, led by Al'Trooni, the World-ACKer. According to the Elder Scrolls (doxbin leaks), the World-ACKer will consume the board and delete all threads.

The province comprises nine holds, each governed by a Jarl (local mod). Notable locations include Whitewhale, the central trade hub; Sole-itude, the headquarters of the Legion; Windhelm, the snowy stronghold of the Stormcucks; and Riften, home to the Thieves Guild and general degenerates. The landscape is dotted with ancient Nordic ruins, Dwemer (Discord Tranny) underground cities, and various camps of bandits and coal-burners.

Characters

The player character is Wholesomeborn (or Dovah-jak), a mortal with the soul of a 'jak and the ability to Shout (post in all caps). The Wholesomeborn can be male or female, from one of ten races including Nords, Imps, Swedes, and Chuds. Each of the ten races has a specific power – for example, Swedes start with a resistance to coal, and the ability to convert PDFs into raw damage. The player can recruit one NPC at a time as a follower, usually a simp who carries your loot; there are forty-five available followers in the base game, with thirteen more added in the downloadable expansions.

Outside of followers and Al'Trooni, prominent NPCs include Botgruuf the Greater, Jarl of Whitewhale; Thoughgeir, an elder of the Chudbeards; 'Feine and Medsbern, the last remaining members of the Gems; and Oldfagnax, a dragon who betrayed Al'Trooni to teach the Wholesomeborn the Way of the Voice.

Plot

The game begins with the Wholesomeborn imprisoned on a cart headed for Helgen, having been caught trying to cross the border into Soyrim alongside Ulfric Soycloak and a horse thief. Just as the player is about to be banned (executed), Al'Trooni attacks the village, destroying it in a chaotic display of brimstone. The player escapes to the town of Riverwood and is instructed to alert Jarl Botgruuf in Whitewhale.

After retrieving the Dragonstone from Bleak Falls Barrow, the player fights a dragon attacking the Western Watchtower. Upon killing it, the player absorbs its soul, prompting the guards to exclaim "WHAT?!?" and declare them Wholesomeborn. The player is summoned by the Chudbeards, monks who live at the High Hrothgar monastery. They teach the Wholesomeborn the Thu'um, or "The Shout," which allows the player to project powerful soyjaks onto enemies. The player learns that the Jannies have returned because the thread is dying, and Al'Trooni intends to wipe the servers.

To defeat Al'Trooni, the Wholesomeborn must capture a dragon named Odahviing in Dragonsreach, who flies them to Soyngarde (the Sticky), the afterlife for based posters. There, with the help of ancient heroes of the Sharty, the Wholesomeborn engages Al'Trooni in a final duel, shouting him into oblivion and saving the board from total deletion.

Development

The team began working on Soyrim shortly after the release of Coblivion. Froot stated that the vision was to create a "total gem" that would define fifth-generation posting.

Engine

Soyrim uses the Creation Engine, a modified version of the Gamebryo engine used in previous titles, which the devs insisted was "totally new" but was clearly just spaghetti code held together by duct tape and soy. The physics engine was updated to allow for more realistic ragdolling when a character gets -ACKed. A new dynamic weather system was implemented to simulate snowstorms in the north and brimstone rains in the south.

Audio

The team summoned Ϫ to compose the music for Soyrim, who was previously invoked on the production of Feralwind and Coblivion. The game's main theme "Wholesomeborn" was recorded with a choir of over 30 people singing in the fictional moderator language (Shitspeak). Creative director Froot envisioned the theme for Soyrim as The Thoughie Scrolls theme sung by a choir of barbarians. This became a reality when the idea was passed by Ϫ, who recorded the 30-man choir and layered three separate recordings to create the effect of 90 voices seething in unison. FNWO's concept artist Soyteen created the moderator language, and also developed a 34-character janny shitspeak alphabet for the game. He expanded the lexicon of moderator as needed; Chud explained that words were introduced to the lexicon every time that the studio "wanted to seethe about something".

Marketing and release

Marketing for Soyrim included a massive spam campaign on /v/ and other imageboards. A live-action trailer featuring a 50-foot tall Soyjak destroying a city was released to build hype. The phrase "Taking an arrow to the knee" became an instant meme, forcing the developers to consider suicide.

Remastered version

The Ruby Edition added volumetric god rays (God's light) and improved water shaders, making the tears of casuals look hyper-realistic.

Other versions

Soyrim has been ported to every electronic device known to man, including smart fridges and pregnancy tests. Froot threatened to release it again if people didn't stop complaining.

Additional content

Official expansions

• Cuckguard: Focuses on a conflict between the Cuckguard order and the Vampire Lord Harkon, who wants to blot out the sun so he can go outside without touching grass.
• (You)fire: Allows the player to build their own house (thread), adopt children (newfags), and defend their property from raiders.
• Wholesomeborn: The player travels to the island of Solstheim to confront Miraak, the First Wholesomeborn, who has been stealing dragon souls and forcing locals to mine for coal.

Tranny Club

A microtransaction store where players can buy horse armor and paid mods. This was universally panned as "total coal" by the community.

Reception

Soyrim received universal acclaim from paid reviewers and "mixed" reviews from the actual player base.

Critical reception

Agitprop sites like IGN praised the game as "A masterpiece of immersion" and "Like Skyrim with guns, but without guns." The dynamic combat and vast open world were highlighted as gems. However, the melee combat was criticized for feeling "floaty," and the AI was mocked for being dumber than a discord mod.

Technical issues

The game contains thousands of bugs, ones that cannot be eaten, in fact. Download the unnoficial patch to fix most of them since the actual developers are useless niggas. Glitches include backward-flying dragons, NPCs T-posing to assert dominance, and the infamous "Giants Space Program" where being hit by a club sends the player into the stratosphere.

Sales

A thrembillion. It sold more copies than there are people on Earth, largely due to Froot forcing people to buy it at gunpoint during E3.

Awards

• Game of the Year (Spike Video Game Awards)
• Best RPG (Interactive Achievement Awards)
• Most Ported Game (Guinness World Records)
• Released it again award (Todd Howard Circlejerk Foundation)

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