Current mission: fill in OTDs. Example: Dailyjak:On This Day/March 29
Cobson
| > | This Universe Is Mine... I Am COB Here | < |
| Cobson[1] | ||
This page weren't no coal, it was a shining, glistening gem.Cobson is a primary soyjak variant. He is visually based on the character Jobe Smith from the 1992 science fiction horror film The Lawnmower Man.[a] He first appeared on 4chan's /qa/ board in June 2021.
Cobson's features include thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. Compared to other soyjaks, Cobson is much more masculine and dominant, and more open to sexual activity. Many have criticised him for being NAS because of this, as soyboys are feminine.
Cobson first arose in June 2021, where he quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as coal[5][6][7] and most didn't really care about it, though a minority of critics saw it as very gemmy and dubbed it a "God tier wojack".[8] However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the 10 millionth GET on /s4s/.[9] Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the Sharty, 6ixϪhrembo[10] and David Thoughie, being Cobsons themselves.
However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more malicious forces decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make QoS edits of innocent Cobson, and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for BBC" soon emerged among the Sharty's transgender population. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a rapist called Rapeson, his reputation became tainted among soyteens.
He will always be still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and the bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called Five Nights at Cobson's has been released by renowned game developer Froot Cawthon and his team in order to honor him.[11]
He shares many design traits with Feraljak and is commonly paired with him.
Since February 2025, Cobson is one of the many rollable names on soyjak.party.
History[edit | edit source]
Pre-soystory[edit | edit source]
Stephen King is the creator who brought Cobson into existence in The Lawnmower Man. In the original book, it was just a short story and did not follow the plot of the movie. When it was adapted into a film, it bore next to no resemblance to his original book, so he sued the movie producers for including his name in the title of the movie. Jobe's model that Cobson was traced from was developed by Angel Studios, now known as Rockstar San Diego.[12]
On the 25th of March 2010, long before the days of 'Jakking, The Lawnmower Man was praised for being the GEM it is, however, even back then, Cobson has had his fair share of disbelievers.[13]
Aside from this, he was also featured in an ad by some Jew York clothing store back in 2012.[14]
-
Cobson on a 2012 New York clothing ad -
This is him -
The ignoramus redditor
Soyjak[edit | edit source]
According to the original image's EXIF data,[15] Cobson was created on June 6, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on /qa/ at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"[2]
He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics,[5][6][7] although this was mostly down to one schizo spamming "shit tier wojack [sic]" in every Cobson thread.[16][b] As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some soyteens, who hailed him as a "god tier wojack".[8] As a result, the debate of whether he is coal or gem remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.[17]
HWABAG is short for “He Will Always Be A Gem”. Though commonly used to refer to Cobson, it is also sometimes used for other controversial variants. Cobson got his name on September 4, 2021 as a contraction of Jacobson,[18] a nickname for soyjaks that was briefly used at the time.[19]
The Great BBC Slander[edit | edit source]
Main article: Spadeson
In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, /bant/ and the Booru depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” Cobson was being spammed on /qa/ at the same time vidya butts was being spammed. Someone added a queen of spades tattoo to the vidya butts image with ">noooo you cant just take the image i spam and put a spade tattoo on it" which was then used for Cobson. At the same time, there was a spammer who would flood every thread containing Cobson with "shit tier wojack" because he didn't like the gaps between his teeth, his oval head shape, and long nasolabial folds. He saw this as an opportunity to do the same thing to Cobson and made more spade edits to try and deface the variant. Unironic bibisi cucks would then join in making more extreme edits like cob sovl
On July 24, 2022, Kuz announced that Cobson BBC spam is no longer allowed, marking a temporary end for BBC slander on the Sharty. Since the Kuz era has passed, Spadeson spam has been re-legalized, and there are incidents of the 'log being spammed with Spadesons to this day.
Music career[edit | edit source]
Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper.[20][21][22] From there, he starred in an unusual number of song parodies on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Gem Cobity released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to Svenska Beat, but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.
David Thoughie[edit | edit source]
In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality David Thoughie released two parody songs, Gem Cobity and Cobman, both to widespread critical acclaim.
Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem",[23] and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".[24]
In January 2022, Cobman was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature (even doe it's a song and not a book).[25]
Cobbo[edit | edit source]
Cobbo, also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap.
It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. Cobbo, and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the soyjak.party homepage, the highest award Soot could bestow.
/s4s/ incident[edit | edit source]
Main article: Swaglord
The use of Cobbo's lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on /s4s/[26][27] was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; GEMson: Coalson redeemed. This was also a massive Brazilian victory and it made Swaglord go on one of the biggest janny seethe sessions ever documented.
Other songs[edit | edit source]
In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobbo, Cobson produced an unofficial sequel Gemmy,[10] as well as a nutwave re-release of the original.[10] Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.
In January of 2022, Cobson collaborated with fellow singer-songwriter Nojak to produce a short audio sample titled 6ixϪhrembo & DJ Moose.[10]
Soyjakology[edit | edit source]
NuCob[edit | edit source]
NuCob is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on /qa/ on October 12, 2021 following the massive success of Cobson.[28]
Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits will always depict NuCob as Cobson's son.[29] You may have noticed that he has Feraljak's eyes (this is why he's sometimes referred to as Feralson).
Hornyson[edit | edit source]
Main article: Hornyson
Hornyson is a subvariant of Cobson notable for being edited into Rapeson and I love X, but I would never ever ever ever ever never Y. The earliest documented spade hornyson was posted on January 2022.[30] A regular hornyson would be posted to the 'ru by Lolkek in May of the same year.[31]
Rapeson[edit | edit source]
Main article: Rapeson
Rapeson, also known as Evilson is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on /soy/ on August 15, 2022. He will always be commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder.
Female Cobson[edit | edit source]
Main article: Female Cobson
Female Cobson or Cobette is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to Female Gapejak.
In February 2023, user Sectionalism uploaded a new variant to the 'ru which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant.
Cobinisation[edit | edit source]
Cobinisation (British English; or cobinization in American English) is a phenomenon observed in the soy community whereby previous edits featuring non-Cobson variants eventually resurface as Cobsons.
If this trend continues, scientists estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033. In some cases, intensive cobinisation may end up replacing the native popsoylation.
In Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
- Cobson was subtly referenced in the 2022 movie The Batman[32]
The clip - Cobson is also the name of a French indie band.[33][34]
- A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called Five Nights at Cobson's was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson.[11] A trailer was released,[35] and the demo of the game itself released soon after. After months of delays, the full game finally released on May 27, 2024.[36] The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly.[37]
- Cobson was briefly featured in the 98th Academy Awards.[38]
- On October 26, 2023 Chris Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobscon instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.[4]
Gallery[edit | edit source]
-
The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper) -
Vectorized Cobson -
Cigar Cobson -
Him as a glowie -
-
HWABABAG (He Will Always Be A Bag) -
Dogwhistles 101： Cobson
See also[edit | edit source]
- Gem[it just is, ok?]
- Vocaroo
- this is probably relevant. it just (probably) is, ok?
Notes
- ↑ https://www.cineby.gd/movie/10163 (i heckin' love piracy!!!)
- ↑ A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.
Snopes
- ↑ actually jobe
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4485181/#4486841
- ↑ no idea where the fuck this comes from, but people[who?] have been using it lately[when?]
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://archive.ph/wnnad
- ↑ 5.0 5.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4599440/#4599440
- ↑ 6.0 6.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4624451/#4624460
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4925173/
- ↑ 8.0 8.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4887320/
- ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
- ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 10.3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
- ↑ 11.0 11.1 https://soyjak.party/fnac/thread/1.html#3956 https://archive.ph/0sOnR
- ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockstar_San_Diego
- ↑ https://archive.ph/9hTqN
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20180709215148/https://strayrats.com/cyber-monday-free-shipping/ (https://archive.ph/qzpNM)
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/1025
- ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/search/text/%22shit%20tier%20wojack%22/page/9/
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/3039
- ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4989115/#4989193
- ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4545475/#4547422
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/3208
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/3495
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/4873
- ↑ File:Cobman Review 1-3.png
- ↑ File:Cobman Review 2-3.png
- ↑ File:Cobman Review 3-3.png
- ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967
- ↑ https://archived.moe/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
- ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/5229412/
- ↑
hash=5a06daff25bc9df2c75b08cc1f0dbb15
- ↑ https://desuarchive.org/a/thread/233245369/#q233245369
- ↑ https://soybooru.com/post/view/11356
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtdh0Tkqfdw&t=132s
- ↑ https://www.discogs.com/release/10126394-Cobson-Cobson
- ↑ https://www.last.fm/music/Cobson/+wiki
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYBPSSTqUkA
- ↑ https://gamebanana.com/mods/516716 https://archive.today/CeoZK
- ↑ Lord Fauci zimself said this
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JazgMK_pVmw&t=36s
