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>HOLYYYY FUCKINGGGGGGGG SCIENCEEEE KURZGESAGT JUST UPLOADED ANOTHER VIDEO ON THE GOYTUBE!!!! I wonder what the zelenski it will be about? Vaccine information?? BLACK HOLES??? HOLY FAUCING SHIT IT COULD EVEN BE ANOTHER PHILOSOPHY MASTERPIECE JUST LIKE OPTIMISTIC NIHILISMERINO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADSIVDSIUVSDIUVD
>*pants* Phew I almost collapsed there! Leftover anesthetic from the vasectomy LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO*clicks on video* WHAT THE BERNIE IT ACTUALLY IS PHILOSOPHY AGAIN
>*Intro plays* YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS THIS IS ALMOST AS EXCITING AS WHEN I WATCHED THAT STAR WARS TRAILER AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA
<Yes so uhm yeah according to uhhh le science there is ehrm like uhm le existantial crisis
>OIHFDSHFOHSDFHUSIUDFUOSFHUSFSIUBECIUBESCSC HE SAID IT JEOIFSOHFSHUFESF HE FUCKING SAID IT HE SAID LE EXISTANTIAL CRISIS
>LE FUCKING
>EXISTANTIAL
>CRISIS
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*falls down and convulses on the floor* *chokes up soylent violently* *dies*
Science, also known as Soyence, is the de-facto religion of North America and Western Europe. Roughly 20% of the population of these regions pledge themselves to science. Don't listen to the elites, "science" is just a fancy name for witchcraft and all of it is a lie from Satan to decieve the world. Everything they taught you in school is witchcraft.
Etymology
Science derives from the Latin "scientia", meaning knowledge. This is ironic, as the teachings of Science have no basis in reality. Soyence is a portmanteau between "soy" and "Science", commenting on how soyful the religion is.
Scienceology
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Scienceology (sometimes shortened to just Science) is the purest religion of the soyence™ (not to be confused for (((Scientology)))). It was founded by Colress (from Pokemon), who needless to say is quite a nerd. Among the high council of scientists are the esteemed Science prophets Bill Nye the Science Guy, Dr Fauci, Klaus Schwab, Shigeru Miyamoto, and Josef Mengele. Shiro Ishii is also a an ordained prophet of the Science but has been undergoing extreme scrutiny due to the vaccines not being heckin peer approved o algo. It is heavily funded by the ADL. Their entire belief system is just believing in the heckin science, and all they do in this religion is jerk off to science and each others' gay inventions, as well as browsing r/science.
Beliefs
The religion of Scienceology dictates that the Earth is in fact a ball floating in mid-air mid-hecking space, and that a force called "gravity" is what keeps the Australians from falling off. There is no evidence for this assertion, as historical records and early experiments by scientists (fanatical schizo soy drinkers who worship scientism, we should kill all of them) both clearly show the earth is a flat square spinning in place, sat upon four elephants, which stand upon a turtle. It is unknown what the origins of this "heliocentric" belief system are; however, many speculate that it comes from an as of yet undiscovered form of mental illness.
Scienceology is a faith-based religion, requiring believers to devote themselves to naturalist philosophy, the philosophical viewpoint which holds that everything can be explained by natural laws and nothing else exists besides what can be described and understood by science. There is no direct evidence for this belief, however, and this belief system can't explain everything, despite its claims. For example, it cannot explain why we love gems so much or why some people are animesexual. Despite this, soyence believers desperately cling to this philosophy because they claim it's more "logical" and "intelligent." This is in spite of the fact that its believers display the same blind faith observed in followers of other religions.
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Most followers of Scienceology typically conceive their personal beliefs and views in the most superficial, flaccid way possible by watching Rick & Morty and reading articles posted on the forum discussion website Reddit. They believe the knowledge they possess of their doctrine makes them intellectually and morally superior to the rest of society and that any other religion/faith or non-believer is objectively below them.
Many adherents of The Science™ will claim to fucking love science or something, but refuse to learn mathematics or any sort of rigorous scientific field necessary to understand the heckin quantum physics, because to xhem the only important part of Science is screeching "I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE!!!!!!!" on Reddit to get other midwits to give updoots. This is because they think doing drugs like psychedelics is sufficient to give them the mindset to understand all the vantablack niggercoal video essays xhey watch about quantum physics or whatever topic that was just shat out by Kurzgesagt or Veritasium or 3Blue1Brown with le fancy animations and jargon to make them sound smart. Essentially, they don't actually care about learning or understanding things at a fundamental level; they just want to entertain themselves while not feeling retarded for doing so.
Ultimately, Science preaches that life is utterly meaningless, and that we ought to all just kill ourselves (but don't you dare say the dreaded n word).
Practices
Science worshippers perform many rituals, the most famous being: killing babies, stabbing new-borns[it just is, ok?], taking meds, eating bugs, drinking the soy, living in the pod, wearing the mask, clapping for health heroes and buying from conglomerates. It is believed that if these are not done, the North Pole will melt, flooding everything. It is also believed that if scientific law (that is, the rules set forth by the hierarchy) are disobeyed, the rain will dry up in some areas and flood others, devastating agriculture and killing millions. One practice of soyence is to watch video essays and then virtue signal about how much you fucking love science after not understanding anything.
An important part of Soyence is conducting peer reviewed studies with forgone conclusions. For example, when researching if troons can really change their gender, it is always found to be possible because the soyentists would immediately be denounced by Science, losing their jobs and possibly going to prison for hate speech if their findings said anything otherwise. Similar studies are done to determine if babies in their mother's wombs are human or can feel pain, in support of the abortion debate, always concluding that the answer is no, and therefore millions of unborn children must die.
History
It is unknown at what point Science gained control, but by 2020, The Science was expected to be completely accepted by all civilians and followed devotedly. The earliest traces of "Science" can be found in the assertions of the Prophet Aristarchus of Samos, who (without evidence) claimed not only that the earth was round but also that it, along with the other "planets", orbited the sun.
Hierarchy
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Billionaires, also known as Israeli government officials, are the ruling elite of Science. Despite their lack of knowledge or expertise in the topics on which they preach, their word is unquestionable.
The second most powerful members of the hierarchy are priests called "Scientists", also known as "Soyentists" or "The Experts". Scientists spend their days trying to promote their religion using doctrine they call "Evidence". This usually takes the form of long, meaningless lists of numbers and some diagrams, or photos of Earth from "space".
The lowest class of religious leaders are soyboys, especially soyfluencers. The soyboys use shaming and ostracization tactics in order to coerce civilians into submitting to the religion.
Notable Holy Figures
- Anthony Fauci
- Aristarchus of Samos
- Albert Einstein
- Mark Dean
- Klaus Schwab
- Neil deGrasse Tyson
- Bill Nye le Science Guy
- Rob Rhinehart (inventor of Soylent™)
- Thomas Edison
- John Money (documented Jewish Pedophile)
- Shigeru Miyamoto
- Rick Sanchez
- Maria Montesori
- Marie van Britten Brown
- BBC
- House of Rothschild
- Muhammad
The Devil in Science
What is comparable to the Devil in Abrahamic religions takes many forms in Science - these can be people, organizations, certain Happenings, or even ideas. Notable examples include:
- Donald Trump
- Anti-Vaxxers (people who oppose Jewish poison, or government mandates thereof)
- Men
- White people
- Jesus H. Christ
- Adolf Hitler
- Vladimir Putin
- Xi Jinping
- Counter-Earth
- Flat Earth
- Hollow Earth
- You
- Drinking Piss[Marge...]
- Dino-Trutherism
- Your Dad (he is very cool)
- Ben Carson
- Ken Carson
- The Yeti and Big Foot
- Vulcan
- Nibiru/Nemesis
- Gnomes, Goblins and other mystical creatures
- "The Dark Ages"
- "Karens"
- Mosleysaurus
- The 1950s (even doe most of scientific breakthroughs were done in that decade)
- BWC
- Pseudosoyience (heresy designed to mimic the doctrine of Science)
Peer reviewed sources [+]
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Fields of science [+]
Archeology ♦ Biology ♦ Virology ♦ Nutritionial science ♦ Mathematics ♦ Sociology ♦ Psychology ♦ Technology ♦ Philosophy ♦ Zoology ♦ Ajakogenesis ♦ Robotics | |
Science in praxis [+]
Fourth Industrial Revolution ♦ Communism ♦ Meds ♦ Atheism ♦ Abortion ♦ Pod ♦ Bugs ♦ Quarantine | |
Theoretical branches [+]
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Major Events
- November 23, 2025 - Flartstone Winter
- November 18, 2025 - Cloudfare goes down which braps up most of the internet, including the soysphere.
- November 18, 2025 - Beware the joyjak spam following a furry's hit xweet.
- November 16, 2025 - 14000000 GET is achieved by a nuvariant.
- November 12, 2025 - Warrior-Z and Soysneed kill Jubille.
- November 8, 2025 - Operation MATBRFTDABOPOAGSWTEHTTETUA3AM
- November 1, 2025 - Operation No Nut November begins.
- October 24, 2025 - A 50 Board Plan clone of /soy/ called /soy2/ is restored and HTSM and forced NAS is banned from there, it surpasses /soy/ in PPH (currently a DNB).
- October 23, 2025 - Null leaks the code of Kiwi Farms (no there was no hack Null leaked it himself cause he's dumb.)
- October 19, 2025 - 18 mouseposters are holocausted following major outrage from 'teens.
- October 15, 2025 - Project F.A.E.
- October 13, 2025 - /soy/ goes back to 20 pages.
- October 12, 2025 - /soy/ now has 200 pages.
- October 11, 2025 - 10 file upload limit instated on /soy/.
- October 11, 2025 - 1 file upload limit instated on /soy/.
- October 8, 2025 - Beware of so-called "zillyjaks" on the 'log.
Did You Know...
- That Beast is the most evolved soyjak?
- That you can see all the soyjak.party banners here?
- That the Soy Community has many unsolved mysteries?
- That there are secret pages here, here, and here in the Sharty?
- That Max is universally considered the worst admin in the history of the Party? (Worse than Captain Coal even)
- That Cobson is Irish-American?
- That Gigachad is Russian?
- That posting the text "basedjak.party" anywhere on 4chan gets you an automatic 3-day ban?
- That you can evade the ban above by typing "s0yjak.party" because it gets filtered to "basedjak.party"?
- That the world record for the longest soyduel in history clocked in at 6077 replies and lasted almost a month?
- That jannies do it for free?
- That Nojak died in Ukraine?
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