Afghanistan
♦ Argentina
♦ Australia
♦ Austria
♦ Bahamas
♦ Bangladesh
♦ Bolivia
♦ Brazil
♦ Burundi
♦ Canada
♦ Chad
♦ Chile
♦ China
♦ El Salvador
♦ Ethiopia
♦ Finland
♦ France
♦ Germany
♦ Greece
♦ Greenland
♦ Guatemala
♦ Hungary
♦ India
♦ Indonesia
♦ Iran
♦ Ireland
♦ (((Israel)))
♦ Italy
♦ Jamaica
♦ Japan
♦ Jordan
♦ Kazakhstan
♦ Korea
♦ Laos
♦ Lebanon
♦ Lesotho 
CURRENT MISSION: Conclude the 2026 soyjak.party hack page, aswell as any pages relating to it, such as the Summer 2026 Crisis page.
Update Quotecord with any relevant info. See the blackboard for more info.
Russia
From Soyjak Wiki, the free ensoyclopedia
Russia is a post-soviet rulecucking shithole formerly ran by left-wing commies!
Most modern Russians are right-wing chudcels!
Russian Federation
Россійская Федерація
Capital
Moscow
Official language
Russian
Ethnic groups
Russians (majority), Tatars, Bashkirs, Chechens, Chuvash, and approximately 190 other officially recognized ethnic groups
Religion
Eastern Orthodox Christianity, Islam, irreligion, and various other faiths
Demonym(s)
Russians
Government
President: Vladimir Putin
Prime Minister: Mikhail Mishustin
Establishment
Kievan Rus': traditionally dated to 882
Principality of Moscow: 13th century
Tsardom: January 16, 1547
Empire: November 2, 1721
Russian Revolution: 1917
Soviet Union: December 30, 1922
Russian Federation: December 12, 1991
Population
Approximately 146 million
Currency
Russian Ruble
Trve and honest map of Russia (evoe it doesnt have Crimea and the annexed Ukrainian oblasts o algo)
Russia (or the Russian Federation) is a country in Eastern Europe and Northern Asia, it is the largest country in the world by area, and with a population of over 140 million, is the most populous country in Europe. It is also the world's largest country by a hilariously large margin, because apparently the devs forgot to put a reasonable map boundary in Siberia.
It is (supposedly) where Kuz comes from, though it was revealed Kuz is probably not a real person. It is a multinational country and is led by Vladimir Putin. Skibidi Toilet was created by a Russian.{{cite|[1]}} Also Gigachad is Russian, how could you tell?
Their retarded totalitarian government did ban Roblox, Discord, LGBTQ, Satanism, and now Telegram.{{cite|[2]}} (however, Roblox got unbanned fairly recently) And even though 'p is illegal in the country it remains poorly enforced so there are still a few deranged people wanting to make it there. The government sometimes mass imports southerners into the country because it doesn't really care about its own Russian people at all, but they are often beaten by MVD when they misbehave. They also have KGB cells alive but they are chill af.
Russia is generally considered a great power and possesses a huge nuclear arsenal and significant military capabilities. Its economy relies heavily on natural resources, particularly oil and natural gas. It remains a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council and inherited the Soviet Union's international legal position after the USSR collapsed.
Hopefully one day the great Tsar gets to return and bring back Russia to its good old pre-communist Renaissance period.
History
Russia's history is what happens when you give a medieval principality an unlimited amount of map DLC.
The Extremely Early Russian Lore
Before there was a country called Russia, there were a lot of different peoples living across the territory that is now Russia. Finno-Ugric peoples, Turkic peoples, Iranian-speaking peoples, North Caucasian peoples, and many others inhabited different regions of the enormous future Russian territory.
East Slavic populations expanded into parts of what is now western Russia during the early medieval period. Meanwhile, the Volga region was heavily connected to the Khazar Khaganate and the wider trade networks of Eastern Europe.
This is important because the modern Russian Federation is NOT simply the same country that has existed continuously since the Stone Age. The map has been through approximately seventeen thousand expansions, contractions, dynastic crises, invasions, revolutions, and administrative fuckups.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #1: There was no single "Russia" covering today's Russian territory in the early medieval period. Different regions had completely different political histories.{{cite|[3]}}
Kievan Rus: THE FIRST BIG BOI
The political formation usually called Kievan Rus' emerged in the late ninth century around the Dnieper river system and the trade routes connecting the Baltic and Byzantine worlds. Kyiv became its principal political center.
The traditional date for the establishment of Kievan Rus' is 882, when Oleg captured Kyiv and established it as the center of his realm.{{cite|[4]}}
Vladimir the Great adopted Christianity from Byzantium in 988, beginning the Christianization of the Rus' lands and creating one of the most important cultural developments in the history of Eastern Europe.
Then the princes started fighting each other.
A LOT.
Kievan Rus' was not a modern nation-state and should not be imagined as simply "Russia before Russia." It was a loose dynastic political system whose rulers controlled different territories and whose political center shifted over time.
By the twelfth century, different Rus' principalities had become increasingly independent.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #2: Kievan Rus' is an ancestor claimed in different ways by modern Russians, Ukrainians, and Belarusians. History refuses to make the modern map convenient.{{cite|[5]}}
MONGOL DLC INSTALLED
In 1237–1240, Mongol armies invaded the Rus' principalities.
Several major cities were destroyed or conquered, including Vladimir, Ryazan, and Kyiv. The Mongol conquest permanently changed the political balance of Eastern Europe.
The Rus' principalities subsequently existed under the domination of the Golden Horde for roughly two centuries.
This is where Muscovy starts becoming important.
Moscow was initially just one of several Rus' principalities. Through a combination of geography, dynastic politics, tribute collection, warfare, and extremely aggressive administrative gameplay, the princes of Moscow gradually increased their power.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #3: Moscow was not automatically destined to become the center of Russia. It had to beat a bunch of other Rus' centers in the medieval political equivalent of ranked matchmaking.{{cite|[6]}}
MUSCOVY: THE GATHERING OF THE RUS LANDS
The Principality of Moscow expanded considerably during the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries.
The Battle of Kulikovo in 1380 became an important symbol of resistance to Mongol domination, although Mongol power did not instantly disappear afterward.
In 1480, the Great Stand on the Ugra River marked the end of Mongol-Tatar political domination over Moscow in the traditional Russian historical narrative.
Moscow subsequently began aggressively consolidating neighboring territories.
Novgorod was annexed in 1478.
Tver was annexed in 1485.
Other principalities followed.
This process is sometimes described as the "gathering of the Russian lands," except the gathering process involved armies, dynastic claims, annexations, and a truly impressive amount of medieval administrative trolling.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #4: "Russia was liberated from the Mongols in 1480 and immediately acquired the entire territory of Kievan Rus'" is an oversimplification. The old Rus' political world had fragmented into numerous principalities, and Moscow's later expansion took centuries.{{cite|[7]}}
IVAN THE TERRIBLE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT
Ivan IV became grand prince in 1533 and was crowned Tsar in 1547.
He expanded Moscow's power dramatically.
The Khanates of Kazan and Astrakhan were conquered in the 1550s, giving Muscovy control over much of the Volga and opening routes toward the Caspian and the lands beyond.
Then came Siberia.
The conquest of Siberia began in earnest during the late sixteenth century, particularly through the campaigns of the Stroganov family and the Cossack leader Yermak.
Russian expansion subsequently crossed the Urals at absolutely unreasonable speed.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #5: The Russian state did not simply wake up one morning and own Siberia. The expansion involved Cossacks, military expeditions, forts, tribute systems, merchants, settlers, and conflicts with numerous indigenous peoples and Siberian states.{{cite|[8]}}
TIME OF TROUBLES: RUSSIA BLUE-SCREENED
Ivan IV died in 1584.
The following decades produced dynastic crisis, famine, political instability, foreign intervention, and civil war.
This period became known as the Time of Troubles.
Polish-Lithuanian forces occupied Moscow for a time, and the Swedish Empire also intervened.
In 1613, Mikhail Romanov became tsar, establishing the Romanov dynasty.
The Romanovs would rule Russia for more than three centuries.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #6: Russia's later imperial expansion happened after a period in which the entire state nearly experienced a catastrophic Windows 95 shutdown.{{cite|[9]}}
PETER THE GREAT: RUSSIA GETS A NEW SKIN
Peter I became tsar in 1682 and later ruled as emperor.
He reorganized the military and administration, promoted westernizing reforms, and fought Sweden during the Great Northern War.
In 1703, Peter founded Saint Petersburg on territory captured from Sweden.
In 1721, after Russia's victory over Sweden, Peter formally adopted the title Emperor, and Russia became an empire.
The Russian Empire had arrived.
Russia had gone from medieval principality to enormous Eurasian empire in a few centuries.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #7: Saint Petersburg was deliberately built as Russia's "window to Europe," which is a hilarious thing to say about a city that is geographically closer to the Baltic than most Americans are to their nearest IKEA.{{cite|[10]}}
THE RUSSIAN EMPIRE GOES ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE
During the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Russian territory expanded in several directions simultaneously.
Westward
Russia participated in the partitions of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in 1772, 1793, and 1795.
Large territories of the former Commonwealth were incorporated into the Russian Empire.
Southward
Russia fought repeated wars against the Ottoman Empire and expanded toward the Black Sea.
Crimea was annexed by the Russian Empire in 1783 after the defeat and political collapse of the Crimean Khanate.
Russian forces subsequently expanded through the Caucasus.
Eastward
Russian settlers, soldiers, administrators, and traders continued moving through Siberia.
By the seventeenth century, Russian forces had reached the Pacific coast.
Russia then crossed the Bering Strait region and established settlements in Alaska.
Yes, Alaska used to be Russian.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #8: Russian America existed from the eighteenth century until 1867, when the United States purchased Alaska from Russia.{{cite|[11]}}
South and Central Asia
During the nineteenth century, the Russian Empire expanded into Central Asia, incorporating territories corresponding to modern Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan in different stages.
Russia also expanded its influence and direct control in the Caucasus.
The empire therefore became a giant patchwork of peoples and territories rather than a country inhabited exclusively by ethnic Russians.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #9: The Russian Empire was multinational on an enormous scale. Russians were only one of many peoples living under imperial rule.{{cite|[12]}}
NAPOLEON DECIDES MOSCOW LOOKS FREE
In 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia.
The Russian army retreated while denying Napoleon the decisive battle he wanted.
Moscow was occupied after the Battle of Borodino, but Napoleon's army eventually withdrew under catastrophic conditions.
Russia subsequently helped defeat Napoleon and Russian armies entered Western Europe.
Russia then participated in the post-Napoleonic European order.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #10: The French reached Moscow in 1812, but capturing Moscow did not cause Russia to surrender. Napoleon discovered that Russia had an extremely large "continue game?" button.{{cite|[13]}}
1905: THE EMPIRE GETS NERVOUS
By the beginning of the twentieth century, the Russian Empire was a massive but increasingly unstable multinational empire.
Russia suffered defeat by Japan in the Russo-Japanese War of 1904–1905.
The Revolution of 1905 forced the government to introduce political reforms including the creation of the State Duma.
These reforms did not solve the empire's underlying political and social problems.
Then World War I happened.
This was not optimal.
1917: THE TSAR GETS DELETED
The February Revolution of 1917 caused Tsar Nicholas II to abdicate.
The Russian Empire collapsed.
A provisional government replaced the monarchy, while revolutionary socialist organizations competed for power.
In October 1917, the Bolsheviks seized power in Petrograd.
Civil war followed.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #11: The Russian Empire did not directly transform into the Soviet Union overnight. There was a revolution, collapse of imperial institutions, competing governments, civil war, foreign intervention, and several years of political violence in between.{{cite|[14]}}
1922: THE USSR SPAWNS
The Bolsheviks and their allies eventually won the Russian Civil War.
On December 30, 1922, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was formally established.
The Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic was its largest constituent republic.
The Soviet Union later expanded its political control over additional territories and, after World War II, established a sphere of influence across much of Eastern Europe.
The USSR industrialized rapidly under Stalin, at an enormous human cost.
Then Hitler clicked the "invade USSR" button.
This was a bad decision.
1941–1945: THE NAZOIDS DISCOVER SIBERIA
Nazi Germany invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941.
The Soviet Union suffered catastrophic casualties and territorial losses during the initial German advance.
The Red Army eventually halted and reversed the German advance through battles including Stalingrad and Kursk, eventually advancing into Eastern Europe and Berlin.
The Soviet Union emerged from World War II as one of the world's two superpowers.
The Western Allies also supplied the USSR with substantial quantities of equipment and materials through Lend-Lease.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #12: The Soviet victory over Nazi Germany was achieved at enormous human cost and cannot honestly be reduced to either "human waves lol" or "the USSR did everything alone." The Eastern Front was the largest theater of the European war, while Allied economic and military assistance also mattered.{{cite|[15]}}
COLD WAR: AMERIMUTT VS COMMIE MUTT
After World War II, the Soviet Union and United States emerged as rival superpowers.
They accumulated enough nuclear weapons to destroy civilization several times over because apparently one apocalypse wasn't sufficient.
The USSR controlled a bloc of Eastern European communist states and competed with the United States across Europe, Asia, Africa, Latin America, space, science, sports, espionage, and basically every other category imaginable.
Sputnik happened.
Gagarin happened.
The Cuban Missile Crisis happened.
The USSR eventually began losing the economic and political endurance contest.
Mikhail Gorbachev introduced reforms known as glasnost and perestroika.
The Soviet system destabilized.
1991: THE USSR GETS NISHED
In 1991, the Soviet Union collapsed.
The Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic became the Russian Federation.
The Soviet Union's fifteen constituent republics became independent states.
Russia inherited the USSR's permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council and became the principal successor state to the Soviet Union in international affairs.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #13: Modern Russia is not legally or territorially identical to the Soviet Union. The USSR consisted of fifteen union republics at the time of its dissolution, and Russia was one of them.{{cite|[16]}}
THE POST-SOVIET ERA
The 1990s were characterized by economic upheaval, privatization, political instability, and the First and Second Chechen Wars.
Boris Yeltsin resigned on December 31, 1999.
Vladimir Putin became acting president.
Putin subsequently dominated Russian politics for more than two decades.
Russia's relationship with the West deteriorated substantially during the 2000s and 2010s.
2014: CRIMEA DLC
In 2014, following the Ukrainian Revolution, Russia seized and annexed Crimea.
Russia also supported separatist forces in parts of Donetsk and Luhansk.
The international community largely rejected Russia's annexation of Crimea.
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #14: Crimea has changed hands repeatedly. The peninsula was controlled by the Crimean Khanate, the Russian Empire, the Russian SFSR, and the Ukrainian SSR before becoming part of independent Ukraine in 1991.{{cite|[17]}}
2022: THE BIG INVASION
In February 2022, Russia launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, dramatically escalating the Russo-Ukrainian War that had begun in 2014.
The invasion failed to achieve a rapid conquest of Ukraine and developed into a prolonged conventional war.
Russia subsequently claimed to annex four Ukrainian oblasts, although the claimed annexations are widely not recognized internationally and Russia does not exercise uncontested control over all of the territory it claims.
ev&doe the war actually started in 2014
Yes.
The 2022 invasion was an escalation of the war, not the beginning of the entire conflict.
Russia's Territorial Expansion: HOLY HISTORINOS EDITION
For the historically confused soyteen, here is the extremely compressed map progression:
Kievan Rus'
↓
Fragmentation into multiple Rus' principalities
↓
Mongol/Golden Horde domination
↓
Muscovy becomes increasingly powerful
↓
Muscovy absorbs neighboring principalities
↓
Tsardom of Russia
↓
Volga Khanates conquered
↓
Siberia unlocked
↓
Russian Empire
↓
Polish-Lithuanian territories absorbed
↓
Black Sea expansion
↓
Caucasus expansion
↓
Central Asian expansion
↓
Alaska acquired
↓
Alaska sold to the Americans
↓
Russian Empire collapses
↓
Russian SFSR
↓
**USSR
↓
USSR collapses
↓
Russian Federation
The important thing is that these are NOT all the same political entity.
The Russian Federation did not exist in 900.
The Russian Empire did not exist in 1300.
The Soviet Union did not exist in 1800.
And Kievan Rus' was not simply "modern Russia but with worse graphics."
HOLY HISTORINOS FINAL BOSS: Modern Russian territory is the product of centuries of expansion, conquest, colonization, diplomacy, dynastic politics, wars, revolutions, administrative transfers, and collapses. The map is basically a save file with 900 years of DLC installed.{{cite|[18]}}
Shartykey
Main article: Shartykey
Shartykey is a village in RuZZia btw if that matters.
Things most Russians like doing
- Hacking Ameriaryans with Virus Petya
- Hating Hitler for WW2 or whatever
- Playing CSGO
- Playing TF2 (and post MGE memes)
- Suffering from severe gear fear in Rust (the game)
- Stealing your information
- Cracking software
- Getting rule cucked by their president
- Using a free Chinese VPN
- Despising the west for all the problems
- Being chuds (younger ones especially, older ones like communism a lot).
- Being foodists and spamming degeneracy wherever they go.
- Praising Pavel Durov
- Complaining about sanctions
- Pirating everything
- Running CS on a computer that was assembled during the Brezhnev era
- Arguing about whether the USSR was based or cringe
- Saying "это база" about the most politically deranged opinion imaginable
- Getting into a 400-comment argument over whether Crimea is Russian
- Using Telegram for literally everything
- Discovering that their VPN stopped working
- Buying another VPN
- Discovering that that VPN stopped working too
- Playing World of Tanks until the concept of time disappears
- Calling every old computer "babushka's PC"
- Putting an LGA 775 Pentium 4 through another twenty years of service
- Saying "we have sanctions" before pirating Adobe Photoshop
- Having an inexplicable opinion about the Battle of Stalingrad
- Explaining why their favorite tank is objectively superior
- Getting conscripted
- Avoiding getting conscripted
- Arguing about how to avoid getting conscripted
- Posting a Kuzjak
Relationship with soyjaks
For some reason soyjaks are very popular in Russia (probably because ruskiymutts are chuds geg).
Notably, smugjak and chud are incredibly popular among rusmutt normiegods. Dvach and other Russian-speaking spaces also often use woahjaks like the doomerjak, or subvariants of smugjak.{{cite|[19]}}
One popular soyjak variant died fighting in Russian foreign legion.
A Russian imageboard known as Dvach, specifically its /int/ board, was colonized by soyteens during the events of Soypocalypse.
Also Soyjak Party has a page on Russian Wikipedia, along with a page on Neolurk, pretty much the Russian version of ED.
A screenshot of the Russian Wikipedia page for soyjak.party as of December 2, 2025
Russia's relationship with soy culture is therefore extremely funny because the country is simultaneously:
- One of the world's largest countries
- A former superpower
- A nuclear-armed state
- Home to multiple major imageboards
- Responsible for enormous amounts of internet slop
- Somehow connected to Kuz
History cannot explain point 6.
What can you do in Russia?
- Get conscripted. (or not if you're autistic enough)
- Look at the Lahta Center in Saint Petersburg (moscvcks lost btw, SPBVLLs vvqn).
- Get jailed for hatespeech.
- Cry about le hohols because (((Vladimir Putin))) psyopped you into hating them.
- Get fellatio by Serbs and Belarusians.
- Hack the United States federal elections.
- Steal Ukrainian toilets and washing machines
- Ride an AK-47 jetpack
- Invade every country while riding a bear
- Die fighting in Dumbass.
- Cry about sanctions
- Laugh at Komputersem's seetheralds
- Pirate everything{{cite|[20]}}
- Petitioning to bring back the Tsar.
- Use a shitty homemade CPU or an LGA 775 Pentium 4 on your babushka's computer.
- Bomb a local gas station because you got threatened by heckin ukrainians in der 'gram
- Commit a serious crime, only to subsequently sign a military contract, go to war, and evade criminal prosecution
- Cry about 'fuggen russophobes' in every post-Soviet country, especially in Baltic states and Ukraine, and demand locals to speak Russian
- Say 'Чечня круто (Chechnya is cool)' and pay tribute to Chechens even after defeating them in the war
- Visit a city whose name has been changed at least twice
- Find an abandoned Soviet building
- Take a photograph of said abandoned Soviet building
- Post photograph of said abandoned Soviet building
- Receive 300 comments about Soviet architecture
- Get into an argument over whether Stalin was good
- Go to Saint Petersburg and immediately become a Slavaboo
- Go to Siberia and discover that Siberia is, in fact, enormous
- Go to Vladivostok and realize Moscow is approximately an entire civilization away
- Ask why Kaliningrad exists
- Spend six hours explaining why Kaliningrad exists
- Forget that Kaliningrad exists
- Remember Kaliningrad exists
- Cry about the price of imported electronics
- Find a Soviet Lada that somehow still works
- Discover that it will probably continue working after the heat death of the universe
Important Russians in the Soysphere
- Big Z
KuzMax- Mist
- Gigachad
- Mustard
- Alex Sazonov
- 5.5M
Gallery
-
Kuzjak is a variant that is used to depict russians
-
Vatnik is a NAS meme that also is used to depict russians, especially overly-patriotic ones
-
5.5 million man (Tsar Nikolai II, the last, bad Imperator of the Russian Empire btw)
-
Boris Yeltsin, the first president of Russia. Drunkard (his citizens hate him for absolutely annihilating the economy to the point of a default economy and "ruined" USSR)
-
The second one president, Vladimir Putin. He'll be the last fourth president btw.
-
And the third one president, Dmitry Medvedev. WARNING!!! HE IS CLITTY LEAKER!!!
Important Russian (((Concepts)))
- Vodka🗝️, a magic inflammatory hellish healing drink for random uncle.
- Bolshevism and human suffering.
- NUCL£AR 0RTHOD0XY.
- Telegram ALLEGEDLY clipping your communications and handing it over to the FSB, so they can download random shit on your PC.
- Nophono Cryptos.
- Annoying shitheadsssss uralmuttZZ.
See also
Snopes
| Russia is part of a series on kuz  |
 "Pedophiles of the world, unite!" |
Related Figures and Entities [+]
kuz (pre-dekuzification ♦ fish's perspective ♦ kuzist perspective ♦ Nigga kuz's perspective ♦ shittily machine translated into Russian like what Carter did whenever someone asked him to speak Russian's perspective ♦ Soot's perspective ♦ Sootist perspective ♦ tree's perspective) ♦ Kuz's possible alter egos (Dr. E/Chood ♦ (((Max)))) ♦ Discord ♦ Doll (formerly) ♦ Eduardo Foltz ♦ Goth ♦ Heyuri ♦ Kaguya ♦ Kolyma Network (Kolyma Dating) ♦ Nigga Kuz ♦ Object 775 ♦ Red ♦ Sobot ♦ Yuriy-Kuznetsov Trust |
|---|---|---|
Impact on the Sharty [+]
Datamining ♦ Dekuzification ♦ Female Kuz ♦ Five Board Plan ♦ Hitman Kuz ♦ hohol.html ♦ Kuz's Last Q&A ♦ Kuzism ♦ Kuzjak ♦ Soyjak.ru ♦ The.html ♦ This Is It | ||
Anti-Kuz Figures and Evidence [+]
| ||
Major events [+]
|
