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|native_name=Россійская Федерація|capital=Moscow|languages=Russian|ethnic_groups=RUSSOIDS|religion=[[Christianity|Eastern Orthodox]] [[67|(67%)]], [[Atheism|None]] (14%), [[Islam]] (7%)|population=146,028,325|currency=Russian Ruble}}
|native_name=Россійская Федерація|capital=Moscow|languages=Russian|ethnic_groups=RUSSOIDS|religion=[[Christianity|Eastern Orthodox]] [[67|(67%)]], [[Atheism|None]] (14%), [[Islam]] (7%)|population=146,028,325|currency=Russian Ruble}}
[[File:Jbhk.png|thumb|300px|Trve and honest map of Russia ([[Even though|ev&oe]] it doesnt have [[Astrofene|Crimea]] and the annexed Ukrainian oblasts o algo)]]
[[File:Jbhk.png|thumb|300px|Trve and honest map of Russia ([[Even though|ev&oe]] it doesnt have [[Astrofene|Crimea]] and the annexed Ukrainian oblasts o algo)]]
'''Russia''' (or the '''Russian Federation,''' in russian '''Россия, Российская Федерация''') is a country in Eastern [[Euromutt|Europe]] that also encompasses half of Asia because why the fuck not, making it the largest country in THE WORLD by area ([[Fact|larger than the fucking planet of Pluto]]), and with a population of 140 million, is the most populous country in Europe, and is militarily the strongest country in Europe. It is the ninth-most populous country in the world or however the squat is done. <s>Mustard's homeland btw</s>.


Russia is a post-soviet rulecucking shithole formerly ran by left-wing commies!
It is (supposedly) where [[Kuz]] comes from, [[though]] it was revealed Kuz is probably not a [[Psyop|real person]]. It is a multinational country and is led by [[Vladimir Putin]]. [[Skibidi Toilet]] was created by a Russian<ref>[https://dafuqboom.fandom.com/wiki/DaFuq!%3FBoom! https://dafuqboom.fandom.com/wiki/DaFuq!%3FBoom!]</ref>. Also [[Gigachad]] is Russian, how could you tell?


Most modern Russians are right-wing chudcels!
Their retarded [[Frootcord|authoritarian government]] did {{Keyedtext|ban Discord, [[Faggots|LGBTQ]]}}, {{Keyedtext|Satanism, and now Telegram.}} [[Roblox]] also got banned, however it was short lived since the ban was lifted, but chat is now unavailable to everyone in the country. And [[even though]] [['p]] is illegal in the country it remains poorly enforced so there are still a few deranged people wanting to make it there. The government sometimes mass [[Klaus Schwab|imports southerners]] into the country because [[Fact|it doesn't really care about it's own Russian people at all]], but they are often beaten by [[ICE|MVD]] when they misbehave. They also have [[Glowniggers|KGB]] cells alive but they are [[Negro|chill af]].


== Russian Federation ==
Russia is generally considered a great power (although less so after the [[Russo-Ukrainian War|SVO]]) and wields significant regional influence in [[Europe]], possessing the largest stockpile of nuclear weapons and having the third-highest military expenditure in the world. Its advanced economy ranks among the largest in the world, relying on its vast mineral and energy resources, mainly oil and natural gas. Russia continues to rank very low in measurements of democracy, human rights and media freedom, while having high levels of corruption. As the successor state of the [[Communism|Soviet Union]] (the swamp country the current Russian Federation came from), it retains its seat as a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council and is a member state of several international organizations. Russia is also home to 32 UNESCO World Heritage Sites.
 
== Россійская Федерація ==
 
=== Capital ===
Moscow
 
=== Official language ===
Russian
 
=== Ethnic groups ===
Russians (majority), Tatars, Bashkirs, Chechens, Chuvash, and approximately 190 other officially recognized ethnic groups
 
=== Religion ===
Eastern Orthodox Christianity, Islam, irreligion, and various other faiths
 
=== Demonym(s) ===
Russians
 
=== Government ===
President: Vladimir Putin
 
Prime Minister: Mikhail Mishustin
 
=== Establishment ===
Kievan Rus': traditionally dated to 882
 
Principality of Moscow: 13th century
 
Tsardom: January 16, 1547
 
Empire: November 2, 1721
 
Russian Revolution: 1917
 
Soviet Union: December 30, 1922
 
Russian Federation: December 12, 1991
 
=== Population ===
Approximately 146 million
 
=== Currency ===
Russian Ruble<blockquote>Trve and honest map of Russia (evoe it doesnt have Crimea and the annexed Ukrainian oblasts o algo)</blockquote>Russia (or the Russian Federation) is a country in Eastern Europe and Northern Asia, it is the largest country in the world by area, and with a population of over 140 million, is the most populous country in Europe. It is also the world's largest country by a hilariously large margin, because apparently the devs forgot to put a reasonable map boundary in Siberia.
 
It is (supposedly) where Kuz comes from, though it was revealed Kuz is probably not a real person. It is a multinational country and is led by Vladimir Putin. Skibidi Toilet was created by a Russian.<nowiki>{{cite|[1]}}</nowiki> Also Gigachad is Russian, how could you tell?
 
Their retarded totalitarian government did ban Roblox, Discord, LGBTQ, Satanism, and now Telegram.<nowiki>{{cite|[2]}}</nowiki> (however, Roblox got unbanned fairly recently) And even though 'p is illegal in the country it remains poorly enforced so there are still a few deranged people wanting to make it there. The government sometimes mass imports southerners into the country because it doesn't really care about its own Russian people at all, but they are often beaten by MVD when they misbehave. They also have KGB cells alive but they are chill af.
 
Russia is generally considered a great power and possesses a huge nuclear arsenal and significant military capabilities. Its economy relies heavily on natural resources, particularly oil and natural gas. It remains a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council and inherited the Soviet Union's international legal position after the USSR collapsed.
 
Hopefully one day the great Tsar gets to return and bring back Russia to its good old pre-communist Renaissance period.


Hopefully one day the great Tsar gets to return and bring back Russia to it's good old pre-communist Renaissance period. ({{spoiler|Do you mean when there was an abundance of food and jobs left and right and 80% of the population was comprised of strong laborers?}})
== History ==
== History ==
Russia's history is what happens when you give a medieval principality an unlimited amount of map DLC.
Russia was first created when early [[Aryan|Slavic]] people migrated from the lands of modern-day [[Ukraine]] and [[Shit nobody cares about|Belarus]] towards the north and founded the [[Hyperborea|Kyivan Rus]] (or Kievan Rus), in 1240, the [[Asians|Mongolians]] invaded the country and turned it into a client state under them, in 1480 at the Great Stand of the river Ugra, the Tsar liberated Russia from the Mongols, taking with them all the lands of the former Kievan Rus and uniting all Russian lands. In 1721 a Hohol named [[Literal who|Theophan Prokopovich]] who was both a metropolitan of the Orthodox Church and an avisor of [[Gigachad|Tsar Peter I]] coined the term created the Russian Empire, as it rapidly expanded eastward for colonial settlement to remove most of the [[Asians|Asiatic peoples]] that resided east of it and even got as far as Alaska in North America. However the monarchy was abolished for the Russian Republic 1917, but [[Communism|commies]] influenced by [[Japan]] and the ((([[Jews]]))) overthrew it in 1922 after years of fighting from their 1917 swamp rebellion and created the [[Soviet Union]]. <s>[[Even though|Ev&oe]] it was [[Germany]] who permitted Vladimir Lenin to travel from Switzerland into Russia during World War I</s> (It wasn't just Germany, it was also the people. Lenin only was a leader). After civil war [[Communism|Lenin]] died by gunshots and his old age, and after [[Communism|Joseph Stalin]] came to leader. The beginning of his rule was marked a [[Niggerhell|hunger in the west part of Soviet Russia and repressions]] that claimed millions of lives and continued until his death in 1953. The Soviet Union later got [[Lie|BTFO'd]] by [[Chud|Nazi Germany]], only later managing to overcome them with human wave tactics and western equipment throughout the early 1940's. The subsequent defeat of the Nazoids would cause a massive [[Leakage|clitty leakage]] from the [[chudjak|chuddies]]. Also the defeat of the Nazis was maybe a good thing and therefore the sole good contribution of the soviet union. During the Cold War, it stood against the [[Amerimutt]] empire and Later it was dissolved in 1991 because [[Fact|communism is retarded]]. <s>Many went to [[Israel]]</s> {{Glow|NO THEY AREN'T}}. It remained a democratic government by the drunk named [[Literal who|Boris Yeltsin]], he shot the white house with tanks in 1993 when commies didn't agree with his politicy, and started two Chechen wars (first 1994-1996; second 1999-2000). He ruled until 2000 when he gave to [[Vladimir Putin]] his office because he tired, and after, Putin made it an [[Niggerhell|authoritarian dictatorship]]. Also there were [[Keyed retard|Dmitry Medvedev]], the third president of Russia 2008-2012, he attacked Georgia in 2008, and his [[Leakage|clitty is kinda leaky]]. And now days, [[SNCA:Vladimir Putin|Vladimir Putin]] ruling the antire country more like 20 years.  
 
=== The Extremely Early Russian Lore ===
Before there was a country called Russia, there were a lot of different peoples living across the territory that is now Russia. Finno-Ugric peoples, Turkic peoples, Iranian-speaking peoples, North Caucasian peoples, and many others inhabited different regions of the enormous future Russian territory.
 
East Slavic populations expanded into parts of what is now western Russia during the early medieval period. Meanwhile, the Volga region was heavily connected to the Khazar Khaganate and the wider trade networks of Eastern Europe.
 
This is important because the modern Russian Federation is NOT simply the same country that has existed continuously since the Stone Age. The map has been through approximately seventeen thousand expansions, contractions, dynastic crises, invasions, revolutions, and administrative fuckups.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #1: There was no single "Russia" covering today's Russian territory in the early medieval period. Different regions had completely different political histories.<nowiki>{{cite|[3]}}</nowiki>
 
=== Kievan Rus: THE FIRST BIG BOI ===
The political formation usually called Kievan Rus' emerged in the late ninth century around the Dnieper river system and the trade routes connecting the Baltic and Byzantine worlds. Kyiv became its principal political center.
 
The traditional date for the establishment of Kievan Rus' is 882, when Oleg captured Kyiv and established it as the center of his realm.<nowiki>{{cite|[4]}}</nowiki>
 
Vladimir the Great adopted Christianity from Byzantium in 988, beginning the Christianization of the Rus' lands and creating one of the most important cultural developments in the history of Eastern Europe.
 
Then the princes started fighting each other.
 
A LOT.
 
Kievan Rus' was not a modern nation-state and should not be imagined as simply "Russia before Russia." It was a loose dynastic political system whose rulers controlled different territories and whose political center shifted over time.
 
By the twelfth century, different Rus' principalities had become increasingly independent.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #2: Kievan Rus' is an ancestor claimed in different ways by modern Russians, Ukrainians, and Belarusians. History refuses to make the modern map convenient.<nowiki>{{cite|[5]}}</nowiki>
 
=== MONGOL DLC INSTALLED ===
In 1237–1240, Mongol armies invaded the Rus' principalities.
 
Several major cities were destroyed or conquered, including Vladimir, Ryazan, and Kyiv. The Mongol conquest permanently changed the political balance of Eastern Europe.
 
The Rus' principalities subsequently existed under the domination of the Golden Horde for roughly two centuries.
 
This is where Muscovy starts becoming important.
 
Moscow was initially just one of several Rus' principalities. Through a combination of geography, dynastic politics, tribute collection, warfare, and extremely aggressive administrative gameplay, the princes of Moscow gradually increased their power.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #3: Moscow was not automatically destined to become the center of Russia. It had to beat a bunch of other Rus' centers in the medieval political equivalent of ranked matchmaking.<nowiki>{{cite|[6]}}</nowiki>
 
=== MUSCOVY: THE GATHERING OF THE RUS LANDS ===
The Principality of Moscow expanded considerably during the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries.
 
The Battle of Kulikovo in 1380 became an important symbol of resistance to Mongol domination, although Mongol power did not instantly disappear afterward.
 
In 1480, the Great Stand on the Ugra River marked the end of Mongol-Tatar political domination over Moscow in the traditional Russian historical narrative.
 
Moscow subsequently began aggressively consolidating neighboring territories.
 
Novgorod was annexed in 1478.
 
Tver was annexed in 1485.
 
Other principalities followed.
 
This process is sometimes described as the "gathering of the Russian lands," except the gathering process involved armies, dynastic claims, annexations, and a truly impressive amount of medieval administrative trolling.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #4: "Russia was liberated from the Mongols in 1480 and immediately acquired the entire territory of Kievan Rus'" is an oversimplification. The old Rus' political world had fragmented into numerous principalities, and Moscow's later expansion took centuries.<nowiki>{{cite|[7]}}</nowiki>
 
=== IVAN THE TERRIBLE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ===
Ivan IV became grand prince in 1533 and was crowned Tsar in 1547.
 
He expanded Moscow's power dramatically.
 
The Khanates of Kazan and Astrakhan were conquered in the 1550s, giving Muscovy control over much of the Volga and opening routes toward the Caspian and the lands beyond.
 
Then came Siberia.


The conquest of Siberia began in earnest during the late sixteenth century, particularly through the campaigns of the Stroganov family and the Cossack leader Yermak.
In 2022, February 24th ([[Even though|ev&oe]] the war actually started in 2014) they tried to [[Russo-Ukrainian War|invade]] the [[Ukraine]], but faced resistance from the [[Million Dollar Extreme|Ghost of Kiev]] and the strongest Ukrainian soldier [[Nikocado Avocado]].


Russian expansion subsequently crossed the Urals at absolutely unreasonable speed.
=={{Keyedtext|Shartykey}}==
 
{{Main|Shartykey}}
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #5: The Russian state did not simply wake up one morning and own Siberia. The expansion involved Cossacks, military expeditions, forts, tribute systems, merchants, settlers, and conflicts with numerous indigenous peoples and Siberian states.<nowiki>{{cite|[8]}}</nowiki>
{{Keyedtext|Shartykey}} is a village in Russia. Its also the birthplace of [[Gigachad|Ernest Khalimov]] and, coincidentally, [[Froot]].  
 
=== TIME OF TROUBLES: RUSSIA BLUE-SCREENED ===
Ivan IV died in 1584.
 
The following decades produced dynastic crisis, famine, political instability, foreign intervention, and civil war.
 
This period became known as the Time of Troubles.
 
Polish-Lithuanian forces occupied Moscow for a time, and the Swedish Empire also intervened.
 
In 1613, Mikhail Romanov became tsar, establishing the Romanov dynasty.
 
The Romanovs would rule Russia for more than three centuries.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #6: Russia's later imperial expansion happened after a period in which the entire state nearly experienced a catastrophic Windows 95 shutdown.<nowiki>{{cite|[9]}}</nowiki>
 
=== PETER THE GREAT: RUSSIA GETS A NEW SKIN ===
Peter I became tsar in 1682 and later ruled as emperor.
 
He reorganized the military and administration, promoted westernizing reforms, and fought Sweden during the Great Northern War.
 
In 1703, Peter founded Saint Petersburg on territory captured from Sweden.
 
In 1721, after Russia's victory over Sweden, Peter formally adopted the title Emperor, and Russia became an empire.
 
The Russian Empire had arrived.
 
Russia had gone from medieval principality to enormous Eurasian empire in a few centuries.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #7: Saint Petersburg was deliberately built as Russia's "window to Europe," which is a hilarious thing to say about a city that is geographically closer to the Baltic than most Americans are to their nearest IKEA.<nowiki>{{cite|[10]}}</nowiki>
 
=== THE RUSSIAN EMPIRE GOES ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE ===
During the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Russian territory expanded in several directions simultaneously.
 
==== Westward ====
Russia participated in the partitions of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in 1772, 1793, and 1795.
 
Large territories of the former Commonwealth were incorporated into the Russian Empire.
 
==== Southward ====
Russia fought repeated wars against the Ottoman Empire and expanded toward the Black Sea.
 
Crimea was annexed by the Russian Empire in 1783 after the defeat and political collapse of the Crimean Khanate.
 
Russian forces subsequently expanded through the Caucasus.
 
==== Eastward ====
Russian settlers, soldiers, administrators, and traders continued moving through Siberia.
 
By the seventeenth century, Russian forces had reached the Pacific coast.
 
Russia then crossed the Bering Strait region and established settlements in Alaska.
 
Yes, Alaska used to be Russian.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #8: Russian America existed from the eighteenth century until 1867, when the United States purchased Alaska from Russia.<nowiki>{{cite|[11]}}</nowiki>
 
==== South and Central Asia ====
During the nineteenth century, the Russian Empire expanded into Central Asia, incorporating territories corresponding to modern Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan in different stages.
 
Russia also expanded its influence and direct control in the Caucasus.
 
The empire therefore became a giant patchwork of peoples and territories rather than a country inhabited exclusively by ethnic Russians.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #9: The Russian Empire was multinational on an enormous scale. Russians were only one of many peoples living under imperial rule.<nowiki>{{cite|[12]}}</nowiki>
 
=== NAPOLEON DECIDES MOSCOW LOOKS FREE ===
In 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia.
 
The Russian army retreated while denying Napoleon the decisive battle he wanted.
 
Moscow was occupied after the Battle of Borodino, but Napoleon's army eventually withdrew under catastrophic conditions.
 
Russia subsequently helped defeat Napoleon and Russian armies entered Western Europe.
 
Russia then participated in the post-Napoleonic European order.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #10: The French reached Moscow in 1812, but capturing Moscow did not cause Russia to surrender. Napoleon discovered that Russia had an extremely large "continue game?" button.<nowiki>{{cite|[13]}}</nowiki>
 
=== 1905: THE EMPIRE GETS NERVOUS ===
By the beginning of the twentieth century, the Russian Empire was a massive but increasingly unstable multinational empire.
 
Russia suffered defeat by Japan in the Russo-Japanese War of 1904–1905.
 
The Revolution of 1905 forced the government to introduce political reforms including the creation of the State Duma.
 
These reforms did not solve the empire's underlying political and social problems.
 
Then World War I happened.
 
This was not optimal.
 
=== 1917: THE TSAR GETS DELETED ===
The February Revolution of 1917 caused Tsar Nicholas II to abdicate.
 
The Russian Empire collapsed.
 
A provisional government replaced the monarchy, while revolutionary socialist organizations competed for power.
 
In October 1917, the Bolsheviks seized power in Petrograd.
 
Civil war followed.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #11: The Russian Empire did not directly transform into the Soviet Union overnight. There was a revolution, collapse of imperial institutions, competing governments, civil war, foreign intervention, and several years of political violence in between.<nowiki>{{cite|[14]}}</nowiki>
 
=== 1922: THE USSR SPAWNS ===
The Bolsheviks and their allies eventually won the Russian Civil War.
 
On December 30, 1922, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was formally established.
 
The Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic was its largest constituent republic.
 
The Soviet Union later expanded its political control over additional territories and, after World War II, established a sphere of influence across much of Eastern Europe.
 
The USSR industrialized rapidly under Stalin, at an enormous human cost.
 
Then Hitler clicked the "invade USSR" button.
 
This was a bad decision.
 
=== 1941–1945: THE NAZOIDS DISCOVER SIBERIA ===
Nazi Germany invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941.
 
The Soviet Union suffered catastrophic casualties and territorial losses during the initial German advance.
 
The Red Army eventually halted and reversed the German advance through battles including Stalingrad and Kursk, eventually advancing into Eastern Europe and Berlin.
 
The Soviet Union emerged from World War II as one of the world's two superpowers.
 
The Western Allies also supplied the USSR with substantial quantities of equipment and materials through Lend-Lease.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #12: The Soviet victory over Nazi Germany was achieved at enormous human cost and cannot honestly be reduced to either "human waves lol" or "the USSR did everything alone." The Eastern Front was the largest theater of the European war, while Allied economic and military assistance also mattered.<nowiki>{{cite|[15]}}</nowiki>
 
=== COLD WAR: AMERIMUTT VS COMMIE MUTT ===
After World War II, the Soviet Union and United States emerged as rival superpowers.
 
They accumulated enough nuclear weapons to destroy civilization several times over because apparently one apocalypse wasn't sufficient.
 
The USSR controlled a bloc of Eastern European communist states and competed with the United States across Europe, Asia, Africa, Latin America, space, science, sports, espionage, and basically every other category imaginable.
 
Sputnik happened.
 
Gagarin happened.
 
The Cuban Missile Crisis happened.
 
The USSR eventually began losing the economic and political endurance contest.
 
Mikhail Gorbachev introduced reforms known as glasnost and perestroika.
 
The Soviet system destabilized.
 
=== 1991: THE USSR GETS NISHED ===
In 1991, the Soviet Union collapsed.
 
The Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic became the Russian Federation.
 
The Soviet Union's fifteen constituent republics became independent states.
 
Russia inherited the USSR's permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council and became the principal successor state to the Soviet Union in international affairs.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #13: Modern Russia is not legally or territorially identical to the Soviet Union. The USSR consisted of fifteen union republics at the time of its dissolution, and Russia was one of them.<nowiki>{{cite|[16]}}</nowiki>
 
=== THE POST-SOVIET ERA ===
The 1990s were characterized by economic upheaval, privatization, political instability, and the First and Second Chechen Wars.
 
Boris Yeltsin resigned on December 31, 1999.
 
Vladimir Putin became acting president.
 
Putin subsequently dominated Russian politics for more than two decades.
 
Russia's relationship with the West deteriorated substantially during the 2000s and 2010s.
 
=== 2014: CRIMEA DLC ===
In 2014, following the Ukrainian Revolution, Russia seized and annexed Crimea.
 
Russia also supported separatist forces in parts of Donetsk and Luhansk.
 
The international community largely rejected Russia's annexation of Crimea.
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FACT #14: Crimea has changed hands repeatedly. The peninsula was controlled by the Crimean Khanate, the Russian Empire, the Russian SFSR, and the Ukrainian SSR before becoming part of independent Ukraine in 1991.<nowiki>{{cite|[17]}}</nowiki>
 
=== 2022: THE BIG INVASION ===
In February 2022, Russia launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, dramatically escalating the Russo-Ukrainian War that had begun in 2014.
 
The invasion failed to achieve a rapid conquest of Ukraine and developed into a prolonged conventional war.
 
Russia subsequently claimed to annex four Ukrainian oblasts, although the claimed annexations are widely not recognized internationally and Russia does not exercise uncontested control over all of the territory it claims.<blockquote>ev&doe the war actually started in 2014</blockquote>Yes.
 
The 2022 invasion was an escalation of the war, not the beginning of the entire conflict.
 
== Russia's Territorial Expansion: HOLY HISTORINOS EDITION ==
For the historically confused soyteen, here is the extremely compressed map progression:
 
Kievan Rus'
 
↓
 
Fragmentation into multiple Rus' principalities
 
↓
 
Mongol/Golden Horde domination
 
↓
 
Muscovy becomes increasingly powerful
 
↓
 
Muscovy absorbs neighboring principalities
 
↓
 
Tsardom of Russia
 
↓
 
Volga Khanates conquered
 
↓
 
Siberia unlocked
 
↓
 
Russian Empire
 
↓
 
Polish-Lithuanian territories absorbed
 
↓
 
Black Sea expansion
 
↓
 
Caucasus expansion
 
↓
 
Central Asian expansion
 
↓
 
Alaska acquired
 
↓
 
Alaska sold to the Americans
 
↓
 
Russian Empire collapses
 
↓
 
Russian SFSR
 
↓
 
<nowiki>**</nowiki>USSR
 
↓
 
USSR collapses
 
↓
 
Russian Federation
 
The important thing is that these are NOT all the same political entity.
 
The Russian Federation did not exist in 900.
 
The Russian Empire did not exist in 1300.
 
The Soviet Union did not exist in 1800.
 
And Kievan Rus' was not simply "modern Russia but with worse graphics."
 
HOLY HISTORINOS FINAL BOSS: Modern Russian territory is the product of centuries of expansion, conquest, colonization, diplomacy, dynastic politics, wars, revolutions, administrative transfers, and collapses. The map is basically a save file with 900 years of DLC installed.<nowiki>{{cite|[18]}}</nowiki>
 
== Shartykey ==
<blockquote>Main article: Shartykey</blockquote>Shartykey is a village in RuZZia btw if that matters.


== Things most Russians like doing ==
== Things most Russians like doing ==


* Hacking Ameriaryans with Virus Petya
* [[Captain Gem|Hacking]] [[Ameriaryan|Ameriaryans]] with [[Babybot|Virus]] [[Peter Griffin|Petya]]
* Hating Hitler for WW2 or whatever
* Hating [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] for WW2 [[Amerimutt|or whatever]]
* Playing CSGO
* [[Branigger|Worshipping]] Hitler
* Playing TF2 (and post MGE memes)
* Playing [[CS SOY|CSGO]]
* Playing [[Team Fortress 2|TF2]] (and post MGE memes)
* Playing Escape From Tarkov
* Suffering from severe gear fear in Rust (the game)
* Suffering from severe gear fear in Rust (the game)
* Stealing your information
* Drinking {{Keyedtext|Vodka}}
* Cracking software
* [[Datamining|Stealing your information]]
* Getting rule cucked by their president
* [[Piracy|Cracking software]]
* Using a free Chinese VPN
* Getting [[Cuck|rule cucked]] by their <s>president</s> [[Vladimir Putin|dictator]]
* Despising the west for all the problems
* Using a free [[China|Chinese]] [[VPN]]
* Being chuds (younger ones especially, older ones like communism a lot).
* Despising [[Klaus Schwab|the west]] for all [[Failraid|the problems.]] (especially given the West has been brainwashed by [[jews]] (<s>[[even though]] Russia is just as [[Jews|jewish]]</s>))
* Being foodists and spamming degeneracy wherever they go.
* Being chuds (younger ones especially, older ones like [[communism]] a lot ([[even though]] its the based kind where [[Communism|stalin]] sends trannies to die in siberia)).
* Praising Pavel Durov
* Being [[foodists]] and spamming degeneracy wherever they go.
* Complaining about sanctions
* Praising [[Telegram|Pavel Durov]]
* Pirating everything
* SOME like gooning to [['P|'p]] and [[gore]]
* Running CS on a computer that was assembled during the Brezhnev era
* Arguing about whether the USSR was based or cringe
* Saying "это база" about the most politically deranged opinion imaginable
* Getting into a 400-comment argument over whether Crimea is Russian
* Using Telegram for literally everything
* Discovering that their VPN stopped working
* Buying another VPN
* Discovering that that VPN stopped working too
* Playing World of Tanks until the concept of time disappears
* Calling every old computer "babushka's PC"
* Putting an LGA 775 Pentium 4 through another twenty years of service
* Saying "we have sanctions" before pirating Adobe Photoshop
* Having an inexplicable opinion about the Battle of Stalingrad
* Explaining why their favorite tank is objectively superior
* Getting conscripted
* Avoiding getting conscripted
* Arguing about how to avoid getting conscripted
* Posting a Kuzjak
 
== Relationship with soyjaks ==
For some reason soyjaks are very popular in Russia (probably because ruskiymutts are chuds geg).
 
Notably, smugjak and chud are incredibly popular among rusmutt normiegods. Dvach and other Russian-speaking spaces also often use woahjaks like the doomerjak, or subvariants of smugjak.<nowiki>{{cite|[19]}}</nowiki>
 
One popular soyjak variant died fighting in Russian foreign legion.
 
A Russian imageboard known as Dvach, specifically its /int/ board, was colonized by soyteens during the events of Soypocalypse.
 
Also Soyjak Party has a page on Russian Wikipedia, along with a page on Neolurk, pretty much the Russian version of ED.<blockquote>A screenshot of the Russian Wikipedia page for soyjak.party as of December 2, 2025</blockquote>Russia's relationship with soy culture is therefore extremely funny because the country is simultaneously:
 
# One of the world's largest countries
# A former superpower
# A nuclear-armed state
# Home to multiple major imageboards
# Responsible for enormous amounts of internet slop
# Somehow connected to Kuz


History cannot explain point 6.
== Relationship with Soyjaks ==
For some reason [[Soyjak|Soyjaks]] are very popular in Russia (probably because Eastern Europe is actually Shambala). Notably, [[Smugjak]] and [[Chud]] are incredibly popular among Rusmutt [[Normies|normiegods]]. [[2ch.hk|Dvach]] and other Russian-speaking spaces also often use woahjaks like the [[Doomers|doomerjak]], or subvariants of smugjak.<ref>https://megalodon.jp/2026-0727-1717-18/https://soybooru.com:443/post/view/66367</ref> [[Nojak|One popular soyjak variant]] died fighting in Russian foreign legion. A Russian imageboard known as [[2ch.hk|Dvach]], specifically its /int/ board, was [[Great Soyplacement|colonized by soyteens]] during the events of [[Soypocalypse]].


== What can you do in Russia? ==
Also Soyjak Party has a [https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soyjak.party page] on russian [[Wikipedia]], along with a page on Neolurk, pretty much the Russian version of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]].
[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-02 at 09-00-24 Soyjak.party — Википедия.png|300px|thumb|right|A screenshot of the Russian Wikipedia page for soyjak.party as of December 2, 2025]]
== What can [[You|(You)]] do in Russia? ==


* Get conscripted. (or not if you're autistic enough)
* Get [[1488]] types of [[AIDS]] from the local underage hooker. [[Kuz|Do you know what this reminds me of?]]
* Look at the Lahta Center in Saint Petersburg (moscvcks lost btw, SPBVLLs vvqn).
* Get [[Personal army|conscripted]]. (or not if you're [[Autism|autistic]] enough)
* Get jailed for hatespeech.
* Look at the [[Jews|Lahta Center]] in Saint [[Peter Griffin|Peters]][[Amerimutt|burg]] (MOSCVCKS LQST BTVV, SPBVLLS VVQN).
* Cry about le hohols because (((Vladimir Putin))) psyopped you into hating them.
* [[1984|Get jailed for hatespeech.]]
* Get fellatio by Serbs and Belarusians.
* Cry about le [[Ukraine|hohols]] because {{Echoes|Vladimir Putin}} psyopped you into hating them.
* Hack the United States federal elections.
* Get fellatio by [[Serbs]] and [[snca|Belarusians.]]
* Steal Ukrainian toilets and washing machines
*Hack the [[United States]] federal elections.
* Ride an AK-47 jetpack
*Steal Ukrainian [[Skibidi Toilet|toilets]] and washing machines.
* Invade every country while riding a bear
*{{Keyedtext|Pirate everything.}}
* Die fighting in Dumbass.
*[[Nonsense|Ride an AK-47 jetpack]].
* Cry about sanctions
*Eat pancakes off shovels.
* Laugh at Komputersem's seetheralds
*Invade every country while riding a bear.
* Pirate everything<nowiki>{{cite|[20]}}</nowiki>
*[[Useless nigger war|Die fighting in Dumbass]].
* Petitioning to bring back the Tsar.
*Cry about sanctions.
* Use a shitty homemade CPU or an LGA 775 Pentium 4 on your babushka's computer.
*Use the "[[GigaChat]]" [[Generative AI|AI chatbot]]
* Bomb a local gas station because you got threatened by heckin ukrainians in der 'gram
*Laugh at [[SNCA:Komputersem|Komputersem's]] seetheralds.
* Commit a serious crime, only to subsequently sign a military contract, go to war, and evade criminal prosecution
*Watch theirs main propaganda channels one of which features {{Echoes|Vladimir Solovyov}} who calls on russians to die for Russia and [[Spadeson|suck Chechen cocks]] for real.
* Cry about 'fuggen russophobes' in every post-Soviet country, especially in Baltic states and Ukraine, and demand locals to speak Russian
*Hating on [[Asians|Mongoloids and Asians]]. <- [[meds]] russians have a lot of turkic people some of who are mongoloids doe they hate southern churkas
* Say 'Чечня круто (Chechnya is cool)' and pay tribute to Chechens even after defeating them in the war
*Petitioning to bring back the [[Owner|Tsar]].
* Visit a city whose name has been changed at least twice
*Use a shitty homemade cpu or an LGA 775 Pentium 4 on your [[Your grandma|babushka]]'s [[computer]].  
* Find an abandoned Soviet building
*[[Ted Kaczynski|Bomb a local gas station]] because you got threatened by heckin [[Ukraine|ukrainians]] in [[Telegram|der 'gram]].
* Take a photograph of said abandoned Soviet building
*[[Rape|Commit a serious crime]], only to subsequently sign [[Personal army|military contract]], go to [[Useless Nigger Wars|war]], and evade criminal prosecution.
* Post photograph of said abandoned Soviet building
*Cry about 'fuggen russophobes' in every [[Niggerhell|post-Soviet country]], especially in [[Shit nobody cares about|Baltic states]] and [[Ukraine]], and demand locals to speak Russian.
* Receive 300 comments about Soviet architecture
*Call every nation by [[wikt:Category:Russian_ethnic_slurs|ethnic slurs]].
* Get into an argument over whether Stalin was good
*Say 'Чечня круто' and pay tribute to Chechens even after defeating them in the war.
* Go to Saint Petersburg and immediately become a Slavaboo
*Let your president kiss [[Islam|Quran]].
* Go to Siberia and discover that Siberia is, in fact, enormous
*Watch your local Oil Refinery get blown up by Ukrainian drones.
* Go to Vladivostok and realize Moscow is approximately an entire civilization away
*Get blown up by a Ukrainian drone.
* Ask why Kaliningrad exists
*[[Death|Die.]]
* Spend six hours explaining why Kaliningrad exists
* Forget that Kaliningrad exists
* Remember Kaliningrad exists
* Cry about the price of imported electronics
* Find a Soviet Lada that somehow still works
* Discover that it will probably continue working after the heat death of the universe


== Important Russians in the Soysphere ==
== Important Russians in the Soysphere ==
 
*[[Big Z]]
* Big Z
*<s>[[Kuz]]</s>
* <s>Kuz</s>
*<s>[[Max]]</s>
* <s>Max</s>
*[[Mist]]
* Mist
*[[Ernest Khalimov|Gigachad]]
* Gigachad
*<s>[[Mustard]]</s>
* Mustard
*[[Alex Sazonov]]
* Alex Sazonov
*[[TikTok|5.5M]]
* 5.5M
 
*


== Gallery ==
== Gallery ==

Latest revision as of 12:56, 20 August 2026

This page is a wall of text!(You) VVILL add images and make the text less dense.
Why yes, Ernest Khalimov is from Russia.How could you tell?

>these are the ones who communicate using those weird commierunes or something
Trve and honest map of Russia (ev&oe it doesnt have Crimea and the annexed Ukrainian oblasts o algo)

Russia (or the Russian Federation, in russian Россия, Российская Федерация) is a country in Eastern Europe that also encompasses half of Asia because why the fuck not, making it the largest country in THE WORLD by area (larger than the fucking planet of Pluto), and with a population of 140 million, is the most populous country in Europe, and is militarily the strongest country in Europe. It is the ninth-most populous country in the world or however the squat is done. Mustard's homeland btw.

It is (supposedly) where Kuz comes from, though it was revealed Kuz is probably not a real person. It is a multinational country and is led by Vladimir Putin. Skibidi Toilet was created by a Russian[1]. Also Gigachad is Russian, how could you tell?

Their retarded authoritarian government did ban Discord, LGBTQ🗝️, Satanism, and now Telegram.🗝️ Roblox also got banned, however it was short lived since the ban was lifted, but chat is now unavailable to everyone in the country. And even though 'p is illegal in the country it remains poorly enforced so there are still a few deranged people wanting to make it there. The government sometimes mass imports southerners into the country because it doesn't really care about it's own Russian people at all, but they are often beaten by MVD when they misbehave. They also have KGB cells alive but they are chill af.

Russia is generally considered a great power (although less so after the SVO) and wields significant regional influence in Europe, possessing the largest stockpile of nuclear weapons and having the third-highest military expenditure in the world. Its advanced economy ranks among the largest in the world, relying on its vast mineral and energy resources, mainly oil and natural gas. Russia continues to rank very low in measurements of democracy, human rights and media freedom, while having high levels of corruption. As the successor state of the Soviet Union (the swamp country the current Russian Federation came from), it retains its seat as a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council and is a member state of several international organizations. Russia is also home to 32 UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

Hopefully one day the great Tsar gets to return and bring back Russia to it's good old pre-communist Renaissance period. (Do you mean when there was an abundance of food and jobs left and right and 80% of the population was comprised of strong laborers?)

History[edit | edit source]

Russia was first created when early Slavic people migrated from the lands of modern-day Ukraine and Belarus towards the north and founded the Kyivan Rus (or Kievan Rus), in 1240, the Mongolians invaded the country and turned it into a client state under them, in 1480 at the Great Stand of the river Ugra, the Tsar liberated Russia from the Mongols, taking with them all the lands of the former Kievan Rus and uniting all Russian lands. In 1721 a Hohol named Theophan Prokopovich who was both a metropolitan of the Orthodox Church and an avisor of Tsar Peter I coined the term created the Russian Empire, as it rapidly expanded eastward for colonial settlement to remove most of the Asiatic peoples that resided east of it and even got as far as Alaska in North America. However the monarchy was abolished for the Russian Republic 1917, but commies influenced by Japan and the (((Jews))) overthrew it in 1922 after years of fighting from their 1917 swamp rebellion and created the Soviet Union. Ev&oe it was Germany who permitted Vladimir Lenin to travel from Switzerland into Russia during World War I (It wasn't just Germany, it was also the people. Lenin only was a leader). After civil war Lenin died by gunshots and his old age, and after Joseph Stalin came to leader. The beginning of his rule was marked a hunger in the west part of Soviet Russia and repressions that claimed millions of lives and continued until his death in 1953. The Soviet Union later got BTFO'd by Nazi Germany, only later managing to overcome them with human wave tactics and western equipment throughout the early 1940's. The subsequent defeat of the Nazoids would cause a massive clitty leakage from the chuddies. Also the defeat of the Nazis was maybe a good thing and therefore the sole good contribution of the soviet union. During the Cold War, it stood against the Amerimutt empire and Later it was dissolved in 1991 because communism is retarded. Many went to Israel NO THEY AREN'T. It remained a democratic government by the drunk named Boris Yeltsin, he shot the white house with tanks in 1993 when commies didn't agree with his politicy, and started two Chechen wars (first 1994-1996; second 1999-2000). He ruled until 2000 when he gave to Vladimir Putin his office because he tired, and after, Putin made it an authoritarian dictatorship. Also there were Dmitry Medvedev, the third president of Russia 2008-2012, he attacked Georgia in 2008, and his clitty is kinda leaky. And now days, Vladimir Putin ruling the antire country more like 20 years.

In 2022, February 24th (ev&oe the war actually started in 2014) they tried to invade the Ukraine, but faced resistance from the Ghost of Kiev and the strongest Ukrainian soldier Nikocado Avocado.

Shartykey🗝️[edit | edit source]

Main article: Shartykey

Shartykey🗝️ is a village in Russia. Its also the birthplace of Ernest Khalimov and, coincidentally, Froot.

Things most Russians like doing[edit | edit source]

Relationship with Soyjaks[edit | edit source]

For some reason Soyjaks are very popular in Russia (probably because Eastern Europe is actually Shambala). Notably, Smugjak and Chud are incredibly popular among Rusmutt normiegods. Dvach and other Russian-speaking spaces also often use woahjaks like the doomerjak, or subvariants of smugjak.[2] One popular soyjak variant died fighting in Russian foreign legion. A Russian imageboard known as Dvach, specifically its /int/ board, was colonized by soyteens during the events of Soypocalypse.

Also Soyjak Party has a page on russian Wikipedia, along with a page on Neolurk, pretty much the Russian version of ED.

A screenshot of the Russian Wikipedia page for soyjak.party as of December 2, 2025

What can (You) do in Russia?[edit | edit source]

Important Russians in the Soysphere[edit | edit source]

Gallery[edit | edit source]

  • Kuzjak is a variant that is used to depict russians
    Kuzjak is a variant that is used to depict russians
  • Vatnik is a NAS meme that also is used to depict russians, especially overly-patriotic ones
    Vatnik is a NAS meme that also is used to depict russians, especially overly-patriotic ones
  • 5.5 million man (Tsar Nikolai II, the last, bad Imperator of the Russian Empire btw)
    5.5 million man (Tsar Nikolai II, the last, bad Imperator of the Russian Empire btw)
  • Boris Yeltsin, the first president of Russia. Drunkard (his citizens hate him for absolutely annihilating the economy to the point of a default economy and "ruined" USSR)
    Boris Yeltsin, the first president of Russia. Drunkard (his citizens hate him for absolutely annihilating the economy to the point of a default economy and "ruined" USSR)
  • The second one president, Vladimir Putin. He'll be the last fourth president btw.
    The second one president, Vladimir Putin. He'll be the last fourth president btw.
  • And the third one president, Dmitry Medvedev. WARNING!!! HE IS CLITTY LEAKER!!!
    And the third one president, Dmitry Medvedev. WARNING!!! HE IS CLITTY LEAKER!!!

Important Russian (((Concepts)))[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

Snopes

  1. ↑ https://dafuqboom.fandom.com/wiki/DaFuq!%3FBoom!
  2. ↑ https://megalodon.jp/2026-0727-1717-18/https://soybooru.com:443/post/view/66367
Russia is part of a series on
Countries of the Soysphere
Miscellaneous[+]

SoyBooru ♦ Flagging ♦ List of ethnicities ♦ Countryfag

Russia
is part of a series on
kuz

"Pedophiles of the world, unite!"
Related Figures and Entities [-+]
Impact on the Sharty [-+]
Anti-Kuz Figures and Evidence [-+]
Major events [-+]
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