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{{Quoting|[[soyjak.party|This Universe]] Is Mine... [[Fact|I Am COB Here]]|Cobson<ref>[[Shit Nobody Cares About|actually jobe]]</ref>}}{{ArchiveNeeded}}{{Infobox Soyjak
{{Quoting|[[soyjak.party|This Universe]] Is Mine... [[Fact|I Am COB Here]]|Cobson<ref>[[Shit Nobody Cares About|actually jobe]]</ref>}}{{ArchiveNeeded}}{{Infobox Soyjak

Revision as of 18:56, 18 September 2024

Archived template in use: {{Brimstone}}. You VVILL remove it from the page, NOW.

> This Universe Is Mine... I Am COB Here <
Cobson[1]
Certain references in this article are subject to link rot.(You) VVILL archive these links for future 'teens NOW.

Cobson is a primary Soyjak variant. He is visually based on the character Jobe Smith from the 1992 science fiction horror film "The Lawnmower Man"[a][5]. He first appeared on 4chan's /qa/ board in June 2021.

Jobe's model that Cobson was traced from was developed by Angel Studios, now known as Rockstar Games[6]. Cobson's features include 2 thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. Compared to other soyjaks, Cobson is much more masculine and dominant, and more open to sexual activity. His existence fulfills many niches in soyjak creation, contributing to his popularity.

Cobson first arose in June 2021, where he quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as coal[7][8][9] and most didn't really care about it, though a minority of critics saw it as very gemmy and dubbed it a "God tier wojack"[10]. However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the 10 millionth GET on /s4s/.[11] Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the Sharty, 6ixϪhrembo[12] and David Thoughie, being Cobsons themselves, Cobson is now widely dubbed by soyjak critics as one of the greatest soyjaks of all time, and some even deem him to be the G.O.A.T, though there are a minority of critics that still think that he is coal. This critical appreciation led Cobson to win Ϫ Oscars, 13 Emmys, a 9.8 rating on IMDB, a 9.5 rating on MyAnimeList, 6 stars on Letterboxd, and a 14.88/10 rating on RateYourMusic.[it just is, ok?snopes?it just is, ok?how???whatbut... why?]

However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more malicious forces decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make QoS edits of innocent Cobson, and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for BBC" soon emerged among the sharty's transgender population. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a rapist called Rapeson[13][14][15], his reputation became tainted among soyteens.

He is still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and the bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called Five Nights at Cobson's has been released by renowned game developer Froot Cawthon and his team in order to honor him.[16]

He Will Always Be A Gem

History

According to the original image's EXIF data,[17] Cobson was created on June 6th, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on /qa/ at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"[2]

He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics,[7][8][9] although this was mostly down to one schizo spamming "shit tier wojack [sic]" in every Cobson thread.[18][b] As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some soyteens, who hailed him as a "god tier wojack".[10] As a result, the debate of whether he is coal or gem remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.[19]

Cobson got his name on September 4th, 2021 as a contraction of Jacobson,[20] a nickname for soyjaks that was briefly used at the time.[21]

In his farewell Q&A, Kuz stated that Cobson was his favorite 'jak.[22]

On October 26th, 2023 Chris-Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobscon instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.

The clip

Music Career

Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper.[23][24][25] From there, he starred in an unusual number of song parodies on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Gem Cobity released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to Svenska Beat, but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

David Thoughie

Cobman appearing as the first video in a soyteen's autogenerated YouTube music playlist.

In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality David Thoughie released two parody songs, Gem Cobity and Cobman, both to widespread critical acclaim. Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem",[26] and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".[27]

In January 2022, Cobman was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature (even doe it's a song and not a book).[28]

Cobbo

Cobbo, also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap. It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. Cobbo, and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the Soyjak Party homepage, the highest award Soot could bestow.

/s4s/ incident

Main article: Swaglord

Extremely keyed Brazilian victory

The use of Cobbo's lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on /s4s/[29][30] was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; GEMson: Coalson redeemed. This was also a massive Brazilian victory and it made Swaglord go on one of the biggest janny seethe sessions ever documented.

Other songs

HWABABAG (He Will Always Be A Bag)

In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobbo, Cobson produced an unofficial sequel Gemmy,[12] as well as a nutwave re-release of the original.[31] Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.

In January of 2022, Cobson collaborated with fellow singer-songwriter Nojak to produce a short audio sample titled 6ixϪhrembo & DJ Moose.[32]

The Great BBC Slander

Main Article: Spadeson

In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, /bant/ and the Booru depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” Cobson was being spammed on /qa/ at the same time vidya butts was being spammed. Someone added a queen of spades tattoo to the vidya butts image with ">noooo you cant just take the image i spam and put a spade tattoo on it" which was then used for Cobson. At the same time, there was a spammer who would flood every thread containing Cobson with "shit tier wojack" because he didn't like the gaps between his teeth, his oval head shape, and long nasolabial folds. He saw this as an opportunity to do the same thing to Cobson and made more spade edits to try and deface the variant. Unironic bibisi cucks would then join in making more extreme edits like cob sovl

On July 24th, 2022, Kuz announced that Cobson BBC spam is no longer allowed, marking a temporary end for BBC slander on the Sharty. [33][34] Since the Kuz era has passed, Spadeson spam has been re-legalized, and there are incidents of the 'log being spammed with Spadesons to this day.

Cobinisation

Does anyone have the original? It ain't on the 'ru.
In some cases, intensive cobinisation may end up replacing the native popsoylation.

Cobinisation (British English; or cobinization in American English) is a phenomenon observed in the soy community whereby previous edits featuring non-Cobson variants eventually resurface as Cobsons.

If this trend continues, scientists estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033.

Subvariants

NuCob

A wholesome NuCob edit

NuCob is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on /qa/ on October 12th 2021 following the massive success of Cobson.[35] Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits depict NuCob as Cobson's son.[36] You may of noticed that he has Feraljak's eyes.

Rapeson

Rapeson

Main Article: Rapeson

Rapeson, also known as Evilson is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on /soy/ on August 15th, 2022. He is commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder.[14][13][15]

Female Cobson

Female Cobson
Female Cobson

Female Cobson or Cobette is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to Female Gapejak. In February 2023, user Sectionalism uploaded a new variant to the 'ru which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant

Spadeson

Main article: Spadeson

Vantablack coal used mainly for racebaiting. Popular on the booru to the surprise of nobody.


Nig

Main article: Nig

Nig or Narge, originally Cob 2, is a subvariant of Cobson traced from the guy on Rome: Total War's cover art. The name was decided in a thread where dubs named him and Nig got dubs twice. He is the cousin of Cobson[He just is, ok?] This variant has since become dead.

In Popular Culture

Cobson was subtly referenced in the 2022 movie The Batman[38]

Cobson is also the name of a French indie band.[39] Jewgle won't give me any more info on them (possibly CIA intervention), so no source is available. (Even though the band has a biography on lastfm you selfish little fuck) [40]

A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called Five Nights at Cobson's was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson.[16] A trailer was released [41], and the demo of the game itself released soon after. After months of delays, the full game finally released on May 27th, 2024.[42] The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly.[43]

The one who gave birth the cobson in the first place

this him

Stephen King is the creator who brought Cobson into existence in *The Lawnmower Man*. In the original book, it was just a short story and did not follow the plot of the movie. However, it was adapted into a film, but Stephen King hated the movie so much that he requested his name be removed from the credits

Gallery

  • The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper)
    The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper)
  • Vectorized Cobson
    Vectorized Cobson

See also

Notes

  1. ↑ https://www.braflix.video/movie/10163
  2. ↑ A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.

Snopes

  1. ↑ actually jobe
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4485181/#4486841
  3. ↑ no idea where the fuck this comes from, but people have been using it lately
  4. ↑ https://archive.ph/wnnad
  5. ↑ /tv/, post no. 2620. I just discovered that the cobsonjak comes from a 90s movie named "The Lawnmower Man". September 11, 2021. https://web.archive.org/web/20210912040348/https://soyjak.party/tv//res/2620.html#2620
  6. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockstar_San_Diego
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4599440/#4599440
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4624451/#4624460
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4925173/
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4887320/
  11. ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110934/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/920417.html
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110803/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/918549.html
  15. ↑ 15.0 15.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816111155/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/921403.html
  16. ↑ 16.0 16.1 https://soyjaks.party/fnac/thread/1.html
  17. ↑ https://booru.soy/post/view/1025
  18. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/search/text/%22shit%20tier%20wojack%22/page/9/
  19. ↑ https://booru.soy/post/view/3039
  20. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4989115/#4989193
  21. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4545475/#4547422
  22. ↑ https://soyjak.party/soy/thread/4073326.html#4074317
  23. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3208
  24. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3495
  25. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/4873
  26. ↑ File:Cobman Review 1-3.png
  27. ↑ File:Cobman Review 2-3.png
  28. ↑ File:Cobman Review 3-3.png
  29. ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967
  30. ↑ https://archived.moe/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
  31. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  32. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  33. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20220817182342/https://soyjak.party/news.html
  34. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20220727094419/https://soyjak.party/rules.html
  35. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/5229412/
  36. ↑ hash=5a06daff25bc9df2c75b08cc1f0dbb15
  37. ↑ https://wiki.soyjak.party/Cobson
  38. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtdh0Tkqfdw&t=132s
  39. ↑ https://www.discogs.com/release/10126394-Cobson-Cobson
  40. ↑ https://www.last.fm/music/Cobson/+wiki
  41. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYBPSSTqUkA
  42. ↑ https://gamebanana.com/mods/516716
  43. ↑ Lord Fauci zimself said this
Cobson is part of a series on
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Subvariants

Ack Mutt ♦ Annabelle ♦ Arkansasjak ♦ Ameriaryan ♦ Bartolomeo ♦ Big Boy ♦ Blobson ♦ Boat Rammer ♦ Branigger ♦ Brazilaryan ♦ Brazilmutt ♦ Brunetto ♦ Carbjak ♦ Chudjak Seething ♦ Cupboy ♦ Cobusion ♦ Concerned soyak ♦ Crazy Guy ♦ Dean ♦ Doctos ♦ Dr. Soystein ♦ El Perro Loco ♦ Endmutt ♦ ESL FNF Pedo ♦ Euromutt ♦ Fat Alicia ♦ Fedora Redditor Soyjak ♦ Female Meximutt ♦ Feralrage ♦ Henry ♦ Hornycuck ♦ Hornyson ♦ Hunky Twink Sex Machine ♦ I love X, but I would never ever ever ever ever never Y ♦ Jacobson ♦ Japeson ♦ Jared ♦ Jartycuck ♦ Kohler ♦ Lawrence ♦ Longplier ♦ Massjak ♦ Massmeowjak ♦ Matchajak ♦ Mexiaryan ♦ Mexiwhore ♦ Morbidmutt ♦ Muscular Chud ♦ Neutralplier ♦ NuCob ♦ Obsessed Chud ♦ Ogreson ♦ Patrick ♦ Rapeson ♦ Schizo Hallucination Soyjak ♦ Scholar ♦ Science Lover ♦ Seriousjak ♦ Smugquack ♦ Soyjak shows his phone ♠ Spadeson ♠ Splicejak ♦ Sprokejak ♦ Sproketan ♦ Swolesome Soyjak ♦ Tetojak ♦ Tismjak ♦ That one fucking picture of nate being a smug little bastard ♦ Trannyfur ♦ Troonjak ♦ Ukropson ♦ Unbothered Chud ♦ Waowjak ♦ Wewjak ♦ Wiki Swede ♦ Wormmutt ♥ Wholesome Soyjak ♥ Wholyjak ♦ Yurjak Double

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Main article: NAS

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