Cobbert

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Cobbert

This page is coal. (You) VILL help by completely recarbonizing it.

Cobbert, also known as Coalbert by detractors and Gembert by supporters, is a soyjak variant based off some liberal hippie comedian named Stephen Colbert. Public opinion on him was rather divided for a while; many considered him extremely forced coal, but, as with all 'jaks, he had his supporters who transhearted xim. He then became the generally accepted variant after being used in the image that displays when an immy is MPA, presumably one which never ends.

Cobbert was a rollable name on soyjak.party.

Cobbert-Nujak War

First Npestajak War

Sometime after Cobbert's creation, Cobbert and 'pesta posters were getting into soyduels with each other to prove which 'jak is a shining glistening gem, and which one is darker than coal. A 'pesta 'teen proposed the idea that whichever 'jak reaches 20 images on the 'ru is the better soyjak. Cobbert reached 20 first; a sad day for 'pesta posters everywhere. Later, a poll was made to decide which one is better, surprisingly, Npestajak was BTFO'd again.

Cobbert beating 'pestajak to reach 20 images first
>>botting the poll Cobbertfaggots, what is this?
'pestaniggers BTFO'd yup issa total Cobbert victory

Backjak

After Cobbert swiftly dealt with 'pestajak, a new contender rose from the shadows. Backjak is a semi-controversial variant, infamously known for being made by der cord (not a joke). Backjak posters must've thought Cobbert was easy pickings, as they started soydueling with Cobbert posters. A poll was created to determine which 'jak is le better or something (Where have I seen this before?) and Cobbert. Effing. WON. If you see someone genuinely posting backjak, there is a very high chance they are a 'cord member, SAGE! and ignore. (ev&doe calling something der 'cord is a cord tactic)

der cord cried
BEE. TEE. EFF. OHH'D.

Jimothy

 Somebody call fuckin' Soyberg! The following page or section was written during a schizo episode.
You WILL remind the author to take his meds.
		

Not much is actually known about the variant "Jimothy", but from eye-witness reports, Jimothy was a variant traced from a Yume Nikki jumpscare and was single-handedly forced by one mentally challenged schizo (AKA the creator). When asked why he was forcing it so hard, the creator responded with a pathetic reply of just wanting him to get his own wiki page. What does this have to do with 'bert? Well, during Jimothy's infancy, Cobbert posters actually formed an alliance with the single Jim poster, but pulled out a measly few hours later once they noticed how horrendously it was being forced. If the alliance was never cut off, this could have tarnished Cobbert's image to an extreme, therefore making this a pseudo Cobbert victory.

Is this fetish art?
>tfw you're forced so bad you become lost media

~~Apparently, Jimothy is LOST MEDIA... as there isn't a tag for him at all on the booru. Weird...~~

Hooray! Soyhistorians have unearthed the booru tag Jimothy used, it was variant:gemothy. Thank God we saved this shitty brimstone 'jak from being completely forgotten!

Second Npestajak War

After about 6 weeks of peace between Cobbert and 'pesta posters, out of nowhere, on the 'ru, Cobbert gets BTFO'd the fuck out of him by an Npestajak poster, proving that Cobbert posters have micropenises and eventually troon out, albeit this is just a psyop to start a Soyjak war ^{[it just is, ok?]} <--- shitty bumbum booru butt sex war no one cares about

Cobbert-Godjak Alliance

*"As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gem."*

Around mid-late February 2024, in the thread Godjak originated from, the autistic drawfags who made Cobbert and Godjak decided that they should form an alliance and become best friends, as a result a bunch of art was produced depicting the duo as friends and both Cobbert and Godjak posters started to support each other's endeavors. These images, however, are mainly (if not entirely) used for selfinserting, which is a big no-no on the bald man with glasses website.