CURRENT MISSION: Conclude the 2026 soyjak.party hack page, aswell as any pages relating to it, such as the Summer 2026 Crisis page.
Update Quotecord with any relevant info. See the blackboard for more info.
Nikocado Avocado
Nicholas Perry (born May 19, 1992), better known by his online aliases Nikocado Avocado, 'Cado, or POST IT, is a Ukrainian-born American Internet celebrity best known for his asshole.
Anal Leakage[edit | edit source]
Nikocado Avocado has been documented to leak poop out of his anus, due to the copious amount of gay sex he has.
"Fire Noodle Sauce Poopy" Incident[edit | edit source]
Sometime in September 2020, Nikocado posted this to his twitter:
I leaked Fire Noodle sauce poopy on the Dentist's chair. My ass stings and the room smells. I'm hiding in the bathroom. I'm mortified.
The tweet has since been deleted. Nikocado was later interviewed over the incident on November 23, 2026 to discuss the events leading up to his fecal incontinence. During the interview, he repeatedly broke into tears, claiming that he was "mortified" from the incident. He was uncooperative, refusing to speak in detail of anything regarding his ass leaking.[1] No known footage of the interview has ever been recovered. Nikocado Avocado would later die on October 5, 2026 due to cardiac arrest. His Popeyes order was never found. Despite his family requesting one, no autopsy was done.[2]
"Boyfriends Dick" Incident[edit | edit source]
Nikocado posted this to his his Instragram on an unknown date:
I JUST FUCKING POOPED ON MY NEW BOYFRIENDS DICK!!!! IT WAS TOO BIG THAT IT MADE MUKBANG FOOD COME OUT.....Should I tell y'all the story in tonight's video and do you wanna see the poop? I haven't cleaned it yet cuz I get out of breath.
While innocuous at the time, his post to Instagram was indicative of not only his growing depravity, but also his genius. Historians suggest it may have been a greater work than the Bible. An in-depth analysis is required to truly understand his post.
>I JUST FUCKING POOPED
We start this post with a vividly illustrated scene of Cado's conundrum. Nikocado Avocado's pure anguish is expressed in just 4 powerful words, à la Shakespeare. All those mukbangs, all that sex with Orlin - his whole life led up to this one moment: shitting on his new boyfriend's dick. He is fully aware that his asshole is ruined. This is the fate he chose. There is no turning back.
I - Refers to himself, Nikocado Avocado.
JUST - This clarifies that the event took place very recently.
FUCKING - An expletive employed by Nikocado Avocado to emphasize his predicament.
POOPED - Here, Nikocado Avocado bluntly states the act he carried out.
>ON MY NEW BOYFRIENDS DICK!!!!
The most important thing to realize about this quote is that it presupposes that the reader is familiar with the fact that Nikocado Avocado is wed homosexually. In Nikocado Avocado's award-winning videos, the duo constantly fights, breaks up, and gets back together. It was only soon that Nikocado would turn on him for a better man.
ON - Following "POOPED," this establishes the setting for where it took place.
MY - Refers to something belonging to Nikocado Avocado.
NEW - This precedes "BOYFRIEND'S," indicating that his boyfriend is recent.
BOYFRIEND'S - Nikocado Avocado uses "BOYFRIEND'S" instead of "BOYFRIENDS" (as in the incorrect plural form), correctly showing possession of "DICK."
DICK - The location where the pooping occurred, as previously referenced.
>IT WAS TOO BIG THAT IT MADE MUKBANG FOOD COME OUT.....
The dynamic between Nikocado and Orlin is further explored. Orlin's dick is indirectly characterized as small, setting the prerequisite for Nikocado looking for a new boyfriend. In a Sophocles-esque twist, the dick is too large for Nikocado. He cannot take it anymore, and it tears open his anus. This would later go on to foreshadow his later shitscapades and, eventually, his own demise.
IT - Refers to either his new boyfriend's penis or Nikocado Avocado's poop.
WAS - Establishes the past state of his new boyfriend's penis or the past state of his poop.
TOO - Nikocado Avocado uses "TOO" instead of "SO," reinforcing excessiveness.
BIG - An adjective describing either his new boyfriend's penis or the poop that emerged from Nikocado Avocado's anus to be stationed on his new boyfriend's penis.
THAT - Establishes what his new boyfriend's penis did or what his poop did.
IT - Refers to either his new boyfriend's penis or his poop.
MADE - Indicates causation, showing the consequences of his new boyfriend's penis being too big or the poop being too large.
MUKBANG - A term originating from South Korea, referring to the livestreamed act of consuming large quantities of food. In this case, it represents the remnants of previous meals.
FOOD - The digested remains of his past gluttonous endeavors, now forced out of his body.
COME - A verb indicating movement, highlighting the forceful expulsion of food remains.
OUT - Describes the direction of movement, confirming that the remnants exited his body.
>Should I tell y'all the story in tonight's video and do you wanna see the poop?
Nikocado, seeking greater financial opportunities, wishes to monetize his own shit like a true businessman. Even with an estimated net worth of $4 million, he ultimately desires more, revealing his gluttony in more ways than one. He asks the viewers if they want to see the poop. This is actually a bold and highly-advanced incorporation of Fan Service, as it is likely Nikocado's fans have a Fire Noodle fetish.
I - Once again refers to Nikocado Avocado himself.
tell - A verb indicating his intent to narrate the story to his audience.
y'all - A colloquial contraction of "you all," referring to his audience.
the - A definite article specifying "story" as a singular, known entity.
story - The narrative of the events that transpired.
in - A preposition setting the time and place for the story to be told.
tonight's - A possessive form indicating that the video is scheduled for the same night.
video - The medium through which Nikocado Avocado communicates with his audience.
and - A conjunction linking two related ideas.
do - A helping verb used to form the question.
you - Directly addressing his audience.
wanna - A colloquial contraction of "want to," expressing desire.
see - A verb indicating the act of visual consumption.
the - A definite article specifying "poop" as a known entity.
poop - The central subject of Nikocado Avocado's predicament and a possible revenue-generating spectacle.
>I haven't cleaned it yet cuz I get out of breath.
One of the hallmark symptoms of heart failure and being a fatass includes shortness of breath and fatigue. The rot has already set in. His anorectal health would soon deteriorate further. There would be no end to the ass stinging. It will soon be over for him.
I - Refers to Nikocado Avocado once again.
haven't - A contraction of "have not," indicating an action he has yet to complete.
cleaned - A past participle verb referring to the act of removing feces from an unspecified location.
it - Refers to either the poop or his new boyfriend's penis.
yet - A temporal adverb indicating that the action remains incomplete but may be done in the future.
cuz - A colloquial contraction of "because."
I - Again refers to Nikocado Avocado.
get - A verb indicating a change in state.
out - A preposition describing the movement or effect of his breath.
of - A preposition linking "breath" to the verb "get out."
breath - The function of respiration, now hindered by his declining physical health.
"Soiled Bedsheets" Incident[edit | edit source]
On November 5, 2020, Nikocado Avocado soiled his bedsheets because of the aforementioned fecal incontinence issues. He would then go on to make a legendary mukbang where he destroys 8 Taco Bell tacos, including one Doritos locos, some Cinnabon Delights, 7 Fire Sauce packets, 2 dozen tortilla chips, 4 burritos, 1 cheese dip, and one "Xbox Series X" soda.[3]
Walesjak[edit | edit source]
Jimbojak is a NAS variant traced from Jimmy "Jimbo" Wales, the co-founder of Wikipedia made by some wikitroon. Nophono knew it until another wikitranny decided to put it on the Soyjak page, generating some seethe from Soyteens due to it being barely IAS and made with little to no effort (which is not true). Actually, Jimbojak is the gem that saved the party.[citation needed]
