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A24 Slow-Burn Soyjak
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THE FOLLOWING FEATURES  SLOW-BURN, CHEAP JUMPSCARE FREE KINO!
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>What are your fetishesThe A24 Slow-Burn Soyjak (often shortened to just A24) is a slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling kino primary soyjak variant. He is best known for being one of the oldest variants, having been released just under four months after the original. He is also the first slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling kino soyjak to be traced from a real-life soyboy instead of being a Wojak derivative, as well as the lowest-resolution classic variant.
History[edit | edit source]
On March 23, 2018, /tv/ exploded with a slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling kino discussion and mockery pertaining to the JewTube reactor James Youniverse and his slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling, over-the-top kino soyface reaction to slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling kino capeshit movie trailers. The same day, somebody traced a soyjak of him and uploaded it to one of the mockery threads under the filename soy.png.[1]
Lore >oh my heccin fanfictionero[edit | edit source]
Alexander Birch Ford, nicknamed "A24," was born on March 23, 1989 in Boston, Massachusetts. He had a pretty rough childhood and was constantly bullied at age 13 by a teenage Jerry Oberman over his obsession with Star Wars and Disney movies. He would later in life apply for a job at Ford at the age of 22 and get fired seven years later 
. He became a well-known movie critic in 2017, but eventually turned into a gegBVLL due to his various shitty opinions. He's still criticizing movies to this day.
Naming[edit | edit source]
During and preceding the marketing campaign for The Lighthouse in mid-2019, the as-of-then unnamed soyjak became heavily associated with bone-chilling, character-development-driven, cheap-jumpscare-free, emotionally-draining, slow-burn "horror kino" created by A24, due to a gigachad spammer with a vendetta.[2][3] The connection has stuck ever since.
Mutation into Fingerboys and Flying Niggers[edit | edit source]
Sometime around 1976, the CIA would start kidnapping A24 soyjaks and experimenting with them. From late 1986 to late 1990, around 19 test subjects called "Fingerboys" and "Flying Niggers" (15 Fingerboys and 4 Flying Niggers) would escape. The CIA terminated 2 Flying Niggers and 5 Fingerboys, but before they could find the rest, they had already repopulated enough to avoid extinction.
Flying Niggers and Fingerboys are NOT real and were NOT created by the CIA. You WILL take your meds and not investigate further.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Jacobson - The slow-burn, cheap-jumpscare-free, bone-chilling kino deformed subvariant of A24.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
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A24 as the Anonymous logo. -
![This is often posted on /soy/ along with "What are your fetishes?"[4]](/images/thumb/4/41/Fetishes.png/105px-Fetishes.png.webp)
This is often posted on /soy/ along with "What are your fetishes?"[4] -
We aliens are the real aryans ⍜⍀ ⌇⍜⋔⟒⏁⊑⟟⋏☌ -
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![This is often posted on /soy/ along with "What are your fetishes?"[4]](/File:Fetishes.png)
