This page weren't no coal, it was a shining, glistening gem.
Cobson is a primary soyjak variant. He is visually based on the character Jobe Smith from the 1992 science fiction horror film The Lawnmower Man.[a] He first appeared on 4chan's/qa/ board in June 2021.
Cobson's features include thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. Compared to other soyjaks, Cobson is much more masculine and dominant, and more open to sexual activity. Many have criticised him for being NAS because of this, as soyboys are effeminate.
Cobson first arose in June 2021, where he quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as coal[5][6][7] and most didn't really care about it, though a minority of critics saw it as very gemmy and dubbed it a "God tier wojack".[8] However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the 10 millionth GET on /s4s/.[9] Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the Sharty, 6ixϪhrembo[10] and David Thoughie, being Cobsons themselves.
He shares many design traits with Feraljak and is commonly paired with him.
HWABAG is short for “He Will Always Be A Gem”. Though commonly used to refer to Cobson, it is also sometimes used for other controversial variants.
On the 25th of March 2010, long before the days of 'Jakking, The Lawnmower Man was praised for being the GEM it is, however, even back then, Cobson has had his fair share of disbelievers.
The Ignoramus Redditor
Aside from this, he was also featured in an ad by some Jew York clothing store back in 2012.
Stephen King is the creator who brought Cobson into existence in The Lawnmower Man. In the original book, it was just a short story and did not follow the plot of the movie. When it was adapted into a film, it bore next to no resemblance to his original book, so he sued the movie producers for including his name in the title of the movie. Jobe's model that Cobson was traced from was developed by Angel Studios, now known as Rockstar San Diego.[11]
On the 25th of March 2010, long before the days of 'Jakking, The Lawnmower Man was praised for being the GEM it is, however, even back then, Cobson has had his fair share of disbelievers.[12]
Aside from this, he was also featured in an ad by some Jew York clothing store back in 2012.[13]
According to the original image's EXIF data,[14] Cobson was created on June 6, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on /qa/ at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"[2]
He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics,[5][6][7] although this was mostly down to one schizo spamming "shit tier wojack [sic]" in every Cobson thread.[15][b] As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some soyteens, who hailed him as a "god tier wojack".[8] As a result, the debate of whether he is coal or gem remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.[16]
In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, /bant/ and the Booru depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” Cobson was being spammed on /qa/ at the same time vidya butts was being spammed. Someone added a queen of spades tattoo to the vidya butts image with ">noooo you cant just take the image i spam and put a spade tattoo on it" which was then used for Cobson. At the same time, there was a spammer who would flood every thread containing Cobson with "shit tier wojack" because he didn't like the gaps between his teeth, his oval head shape, and long nasolabial folds. He saw this as an opportunity to do the same thing to Cobson and made more spade edits to try and deface the variant. Unironic bibisi cucks would then join in making more extreme edits like cob sovl
On July 24, 2022, Kuz announced that Cobson BBC spam is no longer allowed, marking a temporary end for BBC slander on the Sharty. Since the Kuz era has passed, Spadeson spam has been re-legalized, and there are incidents of the 'log being spammed with Spadesons to this day.
Cobman appearing as the first video in a soyteen's autogenerated YouTube music playlist.
Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper.[19][20][21] From there, he starred in an unusual number of song parodies on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Gem Cobity released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to Svenska Beat, but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.
In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality David Thoughie released two parody songs, Gem Cobity and Cobman, both to widespread critical acclaim.
Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem",[22] and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".[23]
In January 2022, Cobman was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature (even doe it's a song and not a book).[24]
Cobbo, also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap.
It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. Cobbo, and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the soyjak.party homepage, the highest award Soot could bestow.
The use of Cobbo's lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on /s4s/[25][26] was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; GEMson: Coalson redeemed. This was also a massive Brazilian victory and it made Swaglord go on one of the biggest janny seethe sessions ever documented.
In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobbo, Cobson produced an unofficial sequel Gemmy,[10] as well as a nutwave re-release of the original.[10] Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.
In January of 2022, Cobson collaborated with fellow singer-songwriter Nojak to produce a short audio sample titled 6ixϪhrembo & DJ Moose.[10]
NuCob is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on /qa/ on October 12, 2021 following the massive success of Cobson.[27]
Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits will always depict NuCob as Cobson's son.[28] You may have noticed that he has Feraljak's eyes (this is why he's sometimes referred to as Feralson).
Hornyson is a subvariant of Cobson notable for being edited into Rapeson and I love X, but I would never ever ever ever ever never Y. The earliest documented spade hornyson was posted on January 2022.[29] A regular hornyson would be posted to the 'ru by Lolkek in May of the same year.[30]
Rapeson, also known as Evilson is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on /soy/ on August 15, 2022. He will always be commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder.
Female Cobson or Cobette is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to Female Gapejak.
In February 2023, user Sectionalism uploaded a new variant to the 'ru which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant.
Cobinisation (British English; or cobinization in American English) is a phenomenon observed in the soy community whereby previous edits featuring non-Cobson variants eventually resurface as Cobsons.
If this trend continues, scientists estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033. In some cases, intensive cobinisation may end up replacing the native popsoylation.
A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called Five Nights at Cobson's was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson.[34] A trailer was released,[35] and the demo of the game itself released soon after. After months of delays, the full game finally released on May 27, 2024.[36] The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly.[37]
Cobson was briefly featured in the 98th Academy Awards.[38]
On October 26, 2023 Chris Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobscon instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.[4]
When Cobson was first created, he was controversial and hated by many due to quite literally being forced by a Discord server, but others still considered him a gem. This changed when he stole the /s4s/ get and he was then regarded as a gemerald.
However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more malicious forces decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make QoS edits of innocent Cobson, and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for BBC" soon emerged among the Sharty's transgenderpopulation. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a rapist called Rapeson, his reputation became tainted among soyteens.
He will always be still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and the bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called Five Nights at Cobson's has been released by renowned game developer Froot Cawthon and his team in order to honor him.[34]
↑A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.
This page weren't no coal, it was a shining, glistening gem.
Cobson on a 2012 New York clothing ad
This is him
The ignoramus redditor
The original frame from the movie
Smirking Cobson
Vectorized Cobson
Cigar Cobson
>Uh...
U mad bro?
Him as a glowie
HWABABAG (He Will Always Be A Bag)
hash=5a06daff25bc9df2c75b08cc1f0dbb15
