United States
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This burger is about YUHROPOORS or something Shart on every page revision for AMERICAN TRVMP-GIVEN PATRIQTIC TRVTH or whatever. |
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>We the people or something
>Proud Los Angeles/Tucson/Albuquerque/San Antonio/Miami resident for 2 years or algo| United States of America | |
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| Federal presidential republic under Soyteen-occupied government | |
| Founded | July 4, 1776; 249 years ago |
| Creator | George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin |
| Owner | Donald Trump (president) JD Vance (vice president) |
| Homepage | https://www.usa.gov/ |
The United States of America, also simply called America is a country in North America bordering Canada and Mexico. It is home to wypipo, #hoodgang, and natives. It has 50 states or something. Since January 20, 2025 'teens have been in control. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, it is the world's sole superpower (keep coping, chinks and jeets, you'll never be superpowers)
History[edit | edit source]
European Settlement[edit | edit source]
After the Ottomans took over Constantinople, they put trade restrictions in place that made it hard for Western Europe to trade with India. A guy named Christopher Columbus decided to get around this by going around the other side of the world, which nobody had ever tried before because they all thought it would take too long. He eventually got permission from the King and Queen of Spain in 1492, right after the Reconquista was finished.
Columbus landed in the Caribbean, thinking he'd reached the Indies, but eventually a guy named Amerigo Vespucci realized that this was a whole new continent. Spain and Portugal colonized it, then Britain, France, and the Dutch decided to get in on the action.
England established 13 colonies which would become the United States, along with some other land which is now Canada. After the Act of Union 1707, the land would be known as British North America.
French and Indian War[edit | edit source]
Britain and France couldn't agree over who should control the Ohio River valley. This escalated into a 7 (or 9) year long global conflict, which Britain won.
Revolution[edit | edit source]
Britain wouldn't let the Americans use the new territory they won from France in the war, and taxed the shit out of them without letting them have any representation in Parliament. The Americans got pissed at this, and eventually rebelled against the British government. With a little help from France, the Americans came out on top and gained independence.
Confederation and Constitution[edit | edit source]
At first, the United States was a confederation of 13 quasi-independent states where the only central government was a Congress where each state had one delegate, but it didn't take too long for everyone to realize this wasn't gonna work.
At the 1787 constitutional convention, the current constitution was developed. When developing the legislature, the delegates couldn't agree on whether to give a certain number of representatives to each state or to allocate representatives based on population, so they compromised on creating a Senate where each state was given 2 senators and a House of Representatives where representatives were apportioned based on population. Shitlibs who live in big states don't like the Senate because they can't unilaterally impose their shitty policies on everyone else.
Early Years and Expansion[edit | edit source]
The United States expanded westward because of Manifest Destiny or something, purchasing the Louisiana Territory from France, flung xhier own shit at the Brit*sh again in 1812, and winning some more territory by winning a war against Mexico. Most of the SNCA presidents you hear about like Millard Filmore and John Tyler are from this era.
Civil War[edit | edit source]
In 1860, Abraham Lincoln won the presidential election. This made southerners mad because he was gonna take away their slaves o algo. Southern states seceded, declaring themselves the Confederate States of America. The North won, but Abraham Lincoln was assassinated.
Reconstruction and Gilded Age[edit | edit source]
The South was under military occupation for a while as states were readmitted one by one. In 1876, a controversial election happened (seriously, this shit made 2020 look like a tea party) that led to Rutherford B. Hayes becoming president. Later, Grover Cleveland would serve two non-consecutive terms, a feat that wouldn't be repeated until a certain keyed individual was elected. Theodore Roosevelt (the most keyed president in American history) took power later on.
World War I[edit | edit source]
In 1917, the United States entered World War I because Germany sent a telegram to Mexico telling them to attack America. America sent some soldiers to the western front and finally brought the war to an end, though at the cost of that fucking retarded jackass troonnigger Woodrow Wilson getting to take credit for it.
Interwar Period[edit | edit source]
The Roaring '20s are often considered the greatest period in American history, even though alcohol was banned for most of it.
In 1929, the stock market crashed, causing the great depression. The reason it crashed is fucking retarded too. The Federal Reserve (the worst institution in American history) fucked up the money supply, and a bunch of stockholders started selling all their stock because they were worried the market would crash, causing the market to crash. The Great Depression fucking sucked, causing Americans to elect Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was seen as great at the time but kind of sucked in hindsight.
World War II[edit | edit source]
On December 7, 1941, the Japs bombed Pearl Harbor. America was pissed and declared war on Japan, which cased Germany to declare war on America. America fucking shredded the Japanese navy and helped the European powers take back western Europe while the commies worked on eastern Europe. After Germany fell, Japan still didn't surrender, so America fucking nuked them.
Cold War[edit | edit source]
After World War II, the United States and the Soviet Union were the world's two superpowers. Everyone thought they were gonna go to war and nuke the whole world to death, but neither side wanted that to happen, so the war was fought in the form of trying to out-technological advance each other and through proxy wars in places like Korea and 'Nam. In 1963, we came dangerously close to nuclear war because of some shit happening in Cuba, but thankfully nothing ever happens. Eventually, the Soviet Union kind of just fell apart.
'90s[edit | edit source]
The '90s are considered the greatest period in American history by '90s kids and literally nobody else.
War on Terror[edit | edit source]
On September 11, 2001, some arabs flew planes into the World Trade Center (this is the namesake for Operation 9/11). America fucked the arabs up eternally for this. In 2008, Barack Obama was elected president because some retards thought John McCain and Sarah Palin would make a good Republican ticket (seriously, what were they thinking?)
Trump Era[edit | edit source]
In 2016, it seemed like Hillary Clinton was going to become president and turn America into the most locked Reddit country ever, but Donald Trump was able to perform an unexpected win thanks to some troons in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania voting for Jill Stein and taking votes away from Hillary. This led to unprecedented levels of seethe. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to get much done thanks to the Republican Party being a bunch of losers at the time.
On September 20, 2020, the Sharty was created.
In 2020, Joe Biden was elected president thanks to fraudulent mail-in ballots being stuffed into ballot boxes by the CCP. Anyone who questioned this was called an election denier. On January 6, 2021, some PATRIQTS (likely including at least a few soyteens) showed up at the Capitol to try and stop Mike Pence from certifying the election, but it was already too late.
In 2022, Trump launched his re-election campaign, attracting the support of many soyteens. The Biden administration did everything it could to try and stop Trump from becoming president again, including sending a troon named Thomas Matthew Crooks to try and kill him on July 13, 2024. Their efforts were for naught, because Trump won the 2024 election. Troons seethed even more than 2016 and used the same arguments that they called everyone "election denying democracy subverters" for using 4 years earlier. Trump was inaugurated again on January 20, 2025, leading to full Soyteen-occupied government.
States[edit | edit source]
There are a total 50 states in the United States.
- Alabama - Alabama is full of inbreds (even doe they rank pretty low in terms of incest)
- Alaska - Alaska is fucking cold
- Arizona - Arizona is fucking hot but has a lot of suburbs centered around Phoenix and Tucson. Maricopa County is the largest county or equivalent that voted for Trump BTW.
- Arkansas - Arkansas is the Walmart state.
- California - Commiefornia is absolute niggerhell nowadays. Hollywood, West Coast theme parks and Comic-Con in the sourth (best part BTW) and techies and progs in the north.
- Colorado - Colorado has mountains and South Park. Rapeson born there btw, if that matters
- Connecticut - Connecticut is the Yale state.
- Delaware - Delaware is the old corporation-friendly state.
- Florida - Florida is where all the Meximutts get fed to alligators if they are in America illegally. Legal ones simply go shopping in South Florida or visit the East Coast theme parks in Central Florida. Floridians themselves live in North Florida.
- Georgia - Georgia has peaches o algo. And a big airport. Ted Turner was born there.
- Hawaii - Hawaii is a chain of islands in the pacific. Troons and monarCHADS will often tell you that it should be independent and that you're being an evil heckin colonizer/masonic republicanist by vacationing there even doe they're economically dependent on tourism and would be completely helpless without the US military.
- Idaho - Idaho is the potato state, that's about it.
- Illinois - Illinois is the state where Chicago is. The rest is corn.
- Indiana - Indiana is the Indianapolis 500 state. Not to be confused with India.
- Iowa - Iowa has the first presidential nomination content in the country. And the largest truck stop in the world.
- Kansas - Kansas is the Superman and Dorothy state.
- Kentucky - Kentucky is where Kentucky Fried Chicken comes from.
- Louisiana - Louisiana is home to gumbo, voodoo, and the most incomprehensible English dialect you'll ever hear.
- Maine - Maine borders Canada's New Brunswick and has lobsters and scary stories.
- Maryland - Maryland is the Navy state.
- Massachussetts - Massive Two Shits is the Harvard state. MIT too.
- Michigan - Michigan is the car and water state. Lots of Finns.
- Minnesota - is a cold version of niggerhell ruled by Tampon Tim. Mall of America is located there. Lots of Swedes.
- Mississippi - Mississippi is ranked as the worst state on most metrics. Elvis was born there.
- Missouri - Missouri is the beer state.
- Montana - Montana is the Yellowstone state.
- Nebraska - Nebraska is the beef state. Its legislature is the only state legislature to be officially nonpartisan. And unicameral.
- Nevada - Nevada is where you go to gamble and, nowadays, to start a corporation.
- New Hampshire - New Hampshire is part of a plan to make Liberland real.
- New Jersey - New Jersey is full of dicks. Similar to NYC and Long Island. American Dream Meadowlands is located there.
- New Mexico - New Mexico is where Breaking Bad takes place.
- New York - Jew York City is where you go to get mugged. The Upstate has the American part of Niagara Falls (the Canadian part is in Ontario, which ironically also has Toronto).
- North Carolina -North Carolina is the NASCAR state.
- North Dakota - North Dakota has Fargo. Yes, Fargo from Fargo. Plus lots of Norwegians.
- Ohio - Ohio is motherfucking Ohio blud. Lots of astronauts.
- Oklahoma - Lots of Indians (the red ones).
- Oregon - Oregon is where The Simpsons implicitly takes place. Explicitly, it has the last Blockbuster location in Bend.
- Pennsylvania - Pennsylvania is where most of the important stuff that led to the creation of the country happened. Plus Amishes and steel.
- Rhode Island - Rhode Island is where Family Guy takes place
- South Carolina - South Carolina is the palmetto state.
- South Dakota - South Dakota is the Mont Rushmore state.
- Tennessee - Tennessee is where you go if you're into country music.
- Texas - Texas is motherfucking Texas. Everything is big there. The good counterpart of California.
- Utah - Utah is where all the Mormons live (this random guy in the 19th century totally talked to God, he just did, ok?)
- Vermont - Vermont is California without its good qualities, so automatically the worst state. Used to be the most gun-friendly state.
- Virginia - Virginia has lots of feds in the north and rednecks in the south.
- Washington - Washington is named after George Washington and has Starbucks.
- West Virginia - West Virginia is a total coal state. Literally fortunately.
- Wisconsin - Wisconsin is where cheese comes from.
- Wyoming - There's
nothingBuffalo Bill's legacy in Wyoming - District of Columbia - FEDS! The current mayor is Bowser BTW.
See also[edit | edit source]
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